NewBo

New bras and scars

2010-06-28T21:29:00.002+01:00

That first day of the operation passed quite quickly, as the anaesthetic wore off I slept for most of the rest of the day (which wasn't very long as I was in the theatre for 5 hours), the only time I was properly awake was when I had to go the toilet. I had a drain in each of my boobs, so going to the toilet that first time was hard, i had a drain in each hand therefore no hands free. After a strange night's sleep I woke up feeling more myself.

The drains weren't so bad, except if I forgot about them the entry wounds stung like bitch! Luckily I took to the hospital treatment well and avoided moving as much as possible! My first drain was taken out just the morning after, and the second drain the morning after that.

The first time I saw them properly was when one of the nurses fitted me with a bra. There was a mirror in the fitting room and when I took my gown off and looked in the mirror it was as if I was looking at someone else's body. It just didn't look like me. I mean they still looked like my boobs but there were bits of body I hadn't seen for years! Ha;f of the skin between my belly button and underneath my boobs had been covered by boob mass for so many years, it was so surreal to look in the mirror and see these average-sized, perky breasts with normal sized nipples on my body.

They have been healing very well, they were never very bruised, just lots of yellow bruising, no massive purpleness or anything. My dressings were taken off only a week after the operation. I have dissolvable stitches with dark purple glue holding everything together. The glue falls off when the wound has healed, and now, 3 weeks on, most of the glue has fallen off. They're a bit dry and I need to moisturise them often and out stuff on the scars, but they're still a little temder, at least one is. The nipple on my left boob is still sre, and every time I brush it (you really take for granted how easily you brush your boobs against things) it makes me very aware.

Whilst there was a little bit of suffering and strangeness and sadness (part of me will miss my gigantic bosom), I'm really happy with the results. They look completely in proportion with my body shape and height (except for the massive belly I have grown since I haven't been very active for 3 weeks plus my mum's been here fattening me up!). I have already bought clothes that I would never have been bale to buy before, including shirts which button up all the way without gaping! Proper, fitted, womeny shirts, which I shall be wearing, smart ocassion or not, from now on. I have only tried on one bikini and couldn't really look past the glue sticking poking out in places so I'm going to wait a while longer before I dive into them. i think I'm going to need ones that cover up the scars properly this year, because they'll obviously still be very pronounced.

So that's that! The 2kg the surgeon removed from my chest I seem to have accumulated onto my belly, even though I think my belly is exactly the same, it's just that there isn't a massive mass of boob to draw attention away from it! It will have to go sharpish.

J and my mum have both been amazing throughout this. From the start, the first time I showed J my new boobs she said she loved them already and thought they looked perfect on me. I think her (and my mum's, but her's mainly cos I obviously want her to love them) encouragement has been a great help. If I was with someone who didn't want me to get it done then I don't think I owuld have been happy with the results, whereas now I'm excited about being naked with her again (I have to wear a sports bra for 4 - 6 weeks, no underwire, 3 down!), properly naked! I'm also excited about underwear, these support bras have left me with no cleavage which is a strange phenomenon to me.

So that's that!
Whenever I think about it, I still can't believe I've actually had it done, but I'm so glad I have, and I'm sure that in a couple of months I'll have forgotten all the negatives to it and be enjoying th benefits of a much lighter chest.

At the moment my mum and I are in Cambridge staying with my aunt (the one who I visited in Aberdeen last year). J came to stay over the weekend and it was amazing, she got on really well with my aunt and everything was great.

Next weekend we are going to London to watch Jay Z and Lily Allen (AT LAST!) at Wireless festival, and we have also found out that London Pride is on at the same time! So I'm very excited about that! I've never been to any Pride and I think London Pride would be a very good way to lose my pride virginity!

Hope you are all enjoying your summers, and prides, and thank you for keeping up with me and my inconsistent posts.

A complete change of body shape

2010-06-23T18:25:00.002+01:00

I have wanted to write this post for weeks now, but have been a bit caught up in my mum being here, my boobs being reduced, moving to a new flat, waiting for and then receiving results.. I'll start with the boobs, which have completely overshadowed my 21st birthday (sad face) and the end of my time as an undergraduate. So I had said that I would write a blog about my breast reduction, well I was wrong. I haven't wanted to share the experience with anyone other than J and very close friends and relatives, mainly because initially it really shook me up.

At 7.15am on the 7th of June my mum, J and I arrived at the hospital. I was asked to be there for 7.30 so when I arrived and they didn't have a bed ready I thought it was fine, I'm early anyway, I can wait a little bit. Weellll we waited ages, we spent 4 hours in the day room reading magazines (I was called into the ward every now and then to talk to the anaesthesist and the surgeon, and for the surgeon to mark me up) until they called me in for surgery at around 11.30am. The surgeon had said that he would take out almost half of each breast, each one weighed about 2kg so he would take about 1kg from each. Before I went down a nurse told me that after the surgery I would be woken up in the recovery room and then brought up to the ward where there would be a space waiting for me. I went down, my mum was there, the anaesthesists (one of whom was rather fit) were talking to me, and the next thing I know I woke up in a weird room with two weird doctors jabbering and shuffling about. I hated waking up in the recovery room. There was a male doctor, who was a bit brash with me, shoved a syringe (without a needle of course) with painkillers into my mouth, half of it dribbled down my face and I obviously had no idea what was going on. Maybe it was me but I did not like that doctor, and I especially did not like waking up with no familiar faces around me, not even the fit anaesthesist's.

Anyway, they took me up to the ward and let my mum and J come and see me and I just wanted to cry! I was completely overwhelmed by it all, but at least I wasn't in any pain.

I'm going to stop there for now because this post could go on forever and I've been MIA recently on here, my excuse is we have no internet at the new flat, I've been using my blackberry for the really important things like facebook (haha) but typing long posts out is a pain in the arse on my teeny tiny keyboard.

See you soon, and more often!

I am totally spoilt

2010-05-27T09:02:00.000+01:00

So the 10th of June is my 21st birthday. My breast reduction is on the 7th, I will more than likely be bedbound on my special day. My amazing mum bought me the camera last week, it's amazing, once J moves into the new flat and we're a bit more settled I'll post all the best pics on flickr. So my mum spoilt me, she bought me an amazing present 3 weeks before my birthday. Now yesterday I waited at J's cos the presents she bought me were due to arrive while she was at work. So I waited and they arrived and I left to meet J after work. Basically, she wasn't going to let me open them till my birthday, but because I'll be bed bound she said I could open them. And oh my! She bought me a Wii! We both want one and I couldn't believe she'd bought it!! Then I opened the other one and she'd only got me a bloody Blackberry (which where I'm posting this from). So yeah, I am completely spoilt. The luckiest almost 21 year old EVER! I actually cannot believe she's got them for me! I cried when I opened them too, I was a bit o
verwhelmed!

Plus the fact that J will no longer be living with friend X after the weekend (she's been especially horrible since J started moving her stuff out). The flat is amazing, the flat mates are amazing, and my mum's going to be here. We're also going to see my aunt in Cambridge, the one who lived in Aberdeen last year. We're really close and I haven't seen her since then. Plus I am very much enjoying being free of responsibilities at the moment :)!

The Future...

2010-05-18T17:46:00.002+01:00

... has me so excited! Yesterday I had my first exam, which went really really well, and on Friday I have my last exam of my undergraduate degree. I can't believe that I'm going to finish uni, after everything I've been through and the big changes I went through, moving to England, boyfriends, girlfriends, sadness, happiness, homesickness, richness, skintness, jobs I love, jobs I hate and most of all all the things I've learnt over the past 3 years. Not just university stuff but things about myself. And I've grown so much, I've changed, not a lot, but I definitely has changed, and to think that such an important amazing time in my life is coming to end is a bit weird and sad.

BUT I'm also incredibly incredibly excited about the future. The little things and the big things like the fact that J and I will be moving in together soon, with a couple of friends of ours, in a 3 bedroom flat modern flat and friend X will be nowhere in sight! The rent is really really cheap too because we're all sub-letting and there's 4 of us, which means we will have more money for travels!

Firstly I'm excited about my breast reduction as you will all probably, maybe know by now. After waiting so long for it the bloody thing is less than 3 weeks away! I will be writing a blog about that, mainly because over the years I have read a few and they have been really helpful to me but they were by women in very different circumstances to me. I have always found this problem with my boobs. There are bras made for people with massive tits but they're not really to a teenager's taste. From the age of 14 i have been wearing the same bras that my mum buys, not that there's anything wrong with them but I used to feel so left out when shopping with my friends and they all bought cute little bras with cute little designs on them or sexy plunge bras. I hated it! And I found that many of the blogs I have come across are experiences of older women whose boobs didn't shrink after they'd had kids, or who had big boobs most of their life but it didn't really bother them till now. None of them seemed to relate to me, except certain issues about what size to go down to, so I thought it would be good to put my experience out there too.

Oh did I mention my mum's coming to Derby for a month when I have my operation? That's going to be interesting, but I can't wait to see her, it will have been about 6 months since I last saw her when she comes.

Then there's Wireless, then Malta, then moving in with J, then life... And did I mention I have a new camera to document it all on?

Not to mention I am still head over heels in love with J, she makes me so ridiculously happy and everything seems to be working out for us perfectly at the moment :).

My mum bought me the Sony Cyber Shot DSC-TX5 for my 21st birthday :D (which is 3 days after my op). I saw it and I fell in love with it and I think it's a very appropriate present for my 21st :).

Anyway, I got a bit excited, I wrote it all down. Friend X is being a dick to J so now I am less excited more fuming that my girlfriend has to put up with such shit from a liar and a hypocrite. At least she's moving out of that evil house 4 months then she was originally going to.

I hope everyone is as excited as I am :)

Pope Benedict shares more words of wisdom

2010-05-14T14:06:00.002+01:00

God I'm ashamed to be catholic sometimes.

The Pope Tells Portugal That Gay Marriage Will Kill Their Society

Portugal passed gay marriage legislation earlier this year, and within the next week, that legislation might be set to go into effect. All that's left is for Portugal's Prime Minister, Jose Socrates, to sign the law; a step most folks think he'll take, since during his campaign last year, he pledged to support marriage equality.

Portugal's marriage equality debate has some pretty interesting timing, given that this week, the country is being visited by Pope Benedict XVI. Many of us know where the Pope falls on gay marriage. In different contexts, the Pope has called gay marriage more of a threat to the world than climate change, an attack on creation, and an obstacle to world peace.

So it only makes sense that Pope Benedict XVI would use the opportunity of his Portugal visit to denounce gay marriage, given that the country is set to become the latest member of the marriage equality club. And denounce it he did, during an open air Mass before at least 50,000 people at one of Catholicism's most holy shrines, Fatima.

The Pope called gay marriage "among the most insidious and dangerous challenges" to society. Insidious is a particularly offensive term to use there, right? I mean, depending on the context, it either means "treacherous," "sneaky," "perilous," "corrupt," or "snaky." Not entirely a set of adjectives that anyone wants to wear with pride.

So why in the face of a global sex abuse scandal, a heightened nuclear weapons race, the potential economic collapse of entire countries, and a worldwide epidemic of terrorism would the Pope choose to count gay marriage among the "dangerous" things in the world? Talk about hyperbole. And the Vatican wonders why barely anyone goes to Church in Portugal anymore.

Apparently Pope Benedict XVI isn't really listening to certain other Catholic leaders under his fold, like Austrian Cardinal Christoph Schönborn, who went on record last week saying that it's about time for the Catholic Church to rethink its position on gay relationships. Speaking to the UK Tablet, Cardinal Schönborn said that the time has come for a change in theological thinking.

"We should give more consideration to the quality of homosexual relationships," Cardinal Schönborn said. "A stable relationship is certainly better than if someone chooses to be promiscuous." In other words, the Cardinal said, gay relationships deserve respect.

Respect, of course, doesn't come neatly wrapped in insidiousness. Instead, that's language meant to demonize, something that happens all too frequently from Pope Benedict XVI during his tenure as Pontiff. Count today as another moment of disappointment when it comes to the Vatican's approach to love.

Article can be found here: http://gayrights.change.org/blog/view/the_pope_tells_portugal_that_gay_marriage_will_kill_their_society

8 days...

2010-05-13T13:39:00.002+01:00

... till I finish uni!
Also, wow I have 91 followers! I've been MIA recently but I've had loads of uni work and work work but soon I will be finished and having more fun and more time :).
Also, I have got myself a tumblr, because... Well because I had to, I'm stupid like that.
Click here to go to my tumblr :)

Election confusion

2010-04-28T09:45:00.001+01:00

With the English election getting closer and closer, and the power of the EU allowing me to vote, I am insanely confused about who to vote for. I've watched the debates, read the articles and still have no idea. First, I came across this website mygayvote.co.uk, which makes it obvious that Conservatives are a no-go. It all seemed pretty simple before, get Labour out of government for a number of reasons by voting conservative. Not happening, especially after this came out yesterday: Tory candidate Philip Lardner suspended for gay comment. They may have suspended him but the conservative party is just that, so Mr. Lardner is probably not on his own, he's just the only one stupid enough to speak out about it.
Next i came across this How should I vote in the general election 2010? on the Telegraph website. You answer a number of questions and then choose the parties you would like to compare your results with. Whilst there no questions on gay issues, I thought it would be interesting to see anyway. I chose Labour, Tories and Lib Dems, since no one else really has a chance, and the BNP just for a laugh. Lo and behold, according to this questionnaire my top match (With about 45%) was with the BNP!! Second were Lib Dems (44%). It didn't really make sense to me, shouldn't they have polar opposite policies? The Lib Dems aren't so harsh about Immigration, which is one of BNP's biggest issues. Who knows.
Finally, I would like to vote Lib Dem. However, with the way seats are distributed, even if they achieve an overall majority, they still won't have enough seats in parliament. For this reason my dad thinks I should vote conservative, just to keep labour out. But I do not want to vote conservative, mainly for the reasons mentioned above. So J thinks we should vote labour since they are the lesser of two evils when it comes to issues that affect us.

Who knows, it's all too confusing. Malta's elections are so much easier, where you are 'born' into a party, the whole family would have been supporting them since the beginning of time and you basically have no choice in the matter. This is too much responsibility for a 20 year old, confused, gay/bi foreign person to take in!

In other less confusing but just as life-changing news, I came across a post-graduate course that sounds perfect for me. PERFECT. It's a Doctor of Educational and Child Psychology at the University of Sheffield, which is ranked number 18 in England overall and number 11 in England for Psychology. When I came across it yesterday I got so excited, I considered changing my plans for next year. It's close to Derby so i could commute, but then I remembered why I chose to take a year out. I'm not ready for a full on three year doctorate course and I definitely can't afford. I told J about it and she told me to apply for it, but anyway applications for September 2010 are closed, but in a few months I can and will apply for 2011. I think the thing I'm excited the most about is having a Doctorate by the time I'm 25! J said she would move to anywhere with me, so we could move to Sheffield if we fancied it too.

I am stupidly excited about the future, the near future, the distant future and anything that might happen in between. I've handed my dissertation in and I'm really happy with it. I'M SO EXCITED!

Gay for J - A vlog rant

2010-04-23T16:34:00.003+01:00

Some people say some ridiculous things to me.

I can hardly wait

2010-04-20T13:02:00.004+01:00

Some of you may have seen this, if you have I'm sure you will want to watch it again. If you haven't seen it, you should definitely watch it now.

TMI Tuesday

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?
Not sexy but not necessarily disgusting. Definitely uncomfortable.

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?
No, until it gets too much that you feel like you're going to explode if the sex doesn't happen.

3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww?
Good, all the time. Giving, receiving, upside down, right way round, it's ALWAYS ALWAYS EPICLY BRILLIANT.

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?
Depends on the mood!

5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."
Sex at any time of the day is yoh hell yes, and morning;s no different.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?
I have not had anonymous sex, I've always known the person's name at least. J's is the only person who's made me come and I definitely know who she is lol.

It hurts a little bit

2010-04-15T21:50:00.001+01:00

Random facts about me

2010-04-14T18:34:00.001+01:00

I am wasting time as always...

Ask me anything: Formspring

Some people never learn

2010-04-07T15:03:00.002+01:00

I have wanted to blog about this for a while but have never got round to it. Now it's getting to me so I need some advice from you wise people in blogland. My friend A has been seeing this girl for about 10 months. This girl, let's call her GF, came into A's life at a very hard time in A's life as her mum had just died of cancer. Literally just, they started seeing each other a couple of weeks before. I wasn't in Derby at the time, I was back home, but I spoke to A and she said she was doing ok.

They made their relationship 'official' around end of August time I think, just before I came back. However, GF is a couple of years younger than A and wasn't happy being tied down, so between August and January they split up and got back together, or split up and started seeing each other, or were in an open relationship loads of times. Each time I would tell A you need some time away from her to clear your head, but they kept sleeping together and getting back together.

Now, after the last time they split up, which was just before Christmas, everything seemed ok. They seemed happy together, they went on holiday together (which A paid for, but the financial dependence thing is a whole nother story) and everything seemed fine and dandy.

A couple of weeks ago GF started acting weird again, she told A she was bored and she need space from her. A gave her space, but when she did, GF would ring her and ask her to go round because she missed her. Hello?? Did you not just say you wanted space?? Anyway, this went on for a couple of weeks, then one night GF split up with A, spent the night with her and then changed her mind in the morning and promised she would help to try and make things better.

Now, one of the reasons things weren't as good between them was that GF had started spending time with her ex-girlfriend again, and the last time she had done this she had ended up sleeping with her (though she and A were 'on a break' at the time). Anyway, A said she didn't like that she was seeing her ex again, mainly because she acts really secretive about it.

Finally, last week GF split up with A and said it had nothing to do with said ex. However, GF had been using one of A's old phone, and when she took it back she found texts that basically showed she had kissed her ex and told her they were on a break when they were actually still together. At least A thought they were.

I'm not an expert or anything, but I have had my heart broken and I told A that she needs time away from GF because she's not been very nice to her, she's used her, she's selfish and unappreciative and A doesn't need it. I feel bad for getting angry about it but how else is she going to manage to get over her? Or at least show her that she might lose her for good if she doesn't pull her act together? Every time she needs anything, A goes running back, spending the night, buying food and clothes for her (even though GF still lives at home). So GF seems to think that whenever she needs anything A will do/give it to her, which she will to be fair.

Facebook hasn't helped either as I saw a post yesterday where GF invited one her friend's round to A's. And A has invited me to a show and GF is going too, and when I asked why this is she said that it was pre-planned, which I don't believe because I know she would have told me about it sooner if that was the case. Gah. Rant over.

Basically my point is, how would you get through to this girl? Make her understand that GF is bad for her and that no matter how hard it is, what she really needs is time away from her. Because I have no idea how to do it and I'm getting a bit annoyed that she complains and complains yet does nothing about it. This sounds really insensitive but it's true! Anyway, any help would be very welcome!

I remember everything

2010-04-03T09:55:00.008+01:00

I remember the first time I met you and I thought you didn't like me because you barely spoke to me.

I remember the first time you invited me out.

I remember when you and A asked me if I was gay in the taxi and I said no, even though I wanted to say yes, even though I didn't think I was gay.

I remember walking back from work with you and laughing all the way.

I remember the first time I saw you with you hair down, you looked so beautiful and I was so surprised that the back was shorter than the front.

I remember standing at the end of the bar laughing madly.

I remember when you were sitting at the end of the bar before a shift and I was standing behind the bar and you invited me out again and Berry was sitting next to you and she warned that you might rape me if I went out.

I remember changing my plans that week to go out with you that night.

I remember buying a new outfit for the night.

I remember how gorgeous you looked in your skinny jeans and cardi. I fell in love with your boobs on that day.

I remember feeling excited and nervous when your thigh rubbed against mine under the table.

I remember kissing you for the first time, feeling things I had never felt before when I kissed someone for the first time.

I remember stumbling home with you.

I remember lying naked underneath you and feeling more nervous than I had ever felt in my life.

I remember feeling happy and confident the next morning.

I remember the texts you sent me when I went away that day for a few days. I remember the way they made me smile, so much so that my friend assumed I was texting a boy.

I remember when you told me that you were with Vicky now. I remember when you came over and told me you didn't want to be with her.

I remember when you came over stinking drunk after I'd finished work and passed out on my bed in just your bra and nothing else.

I remember meeting your friends for the first time, some of whom I'm really close to now, and feeling insanely nervous.

I remember going out most nights of the week together, but whenever anyone asked us if we were together the answer was always no.

I remember thinking I would never be able to call you my girlfriend because I was definitely straight, even though we had been sleeping together for a month.

I remember the day when I realised I wanted to call you my girlfriend.

I remember being happier than I'd ever been in those first three months, but still thinking it would go nowhere.

I remember the day when I realised I was falling in love with you.

And I still fall in love with you more everyday. ♥

Beautiful voices sooth me

2010-04-03T00:17:00.005+01:00

As many people do, I use Twitter mainly to stalk celebrities who like to be more candid on Twitter than they would ever be normally and ever were before the existence of Twitter. I follow the wonderful Sia on Twitter and she led me to my new favourite artist who goes by the name of Jess Harnel. She's Australian and unfortunately her album is only available in Australia at the moment (from what I gather anyway), but with a bit of digging i have managed to listen to the whole album, called 'Neon Heartache', and I am in love with it.

Plus I think she's gay. She must be, look at her.. Bit dykey, oui? And she sings about a girl leaving her in one her songs called 'Stay', as well as in other songs, another one called 'Meanwhile' mentions a 'she' and one of the lyrics is 'we kiss like lovers'. I might be relatively new to the wonderful world of lesbians but surely they are big give-aways! Anyway, she's brilliant, she's a mix of soul, indie and hip hop and her voice is ridiculously soothing. I'll let you decide for yourself. The song below is 'I Go', one of the only two songs I found of hers on youtube. There are others but they're live and they never sound as good do they. Enjoy :)

Coupley things

2010-04-01T18:54:00.004+01:00

Don't you just love the little coupley things you do or have done with a partner? Little things that make you feel like you really connect and other people can only look into your world and not be a part of it. I love the little things J and I do.

We say yes in different languages to each other. Mainly in French and in Maltese. I love how she sounds when she speaks to me in a foreign language, especially when she says 'oui' or 'iva'. In fact i just bought a necklace with 'oui' written onto a small coin and i love it (from junkjewels.co.uk).
Before we sleep we always cuddle, usually with my head on her shoulder. When we're ready to sleep we roll away and sleep back to back. As soon as we wake up in the morning, without opening our eyes, we automatically turn round to face each other and start cuddling again. Because i'm smaller, i'm usually the one who gets squeezed and snuggled the most :). The mornings are my favourite time of day for this reason.
Whenever we have disagreements (luckily we don't argue much), we tend to go a bit squealy, we sound like screeching cats lol. To relieve the tension, one of us usually says 'miaooww' and we both start giggling and the tension goes away!

Those are my favourite coupley things about us. There are loads more, but these are the ones that happen most often and that make me most smiley.

What are your coupley things?

Oh, I can't wait for Glee to start again :)

Marriage equality

2010-03-30T16:44:00.000+01:00

TMI Tuesday & formspring

2010-03-30T09:12:00.004+01:00

1. Have you ever broken something in someone's home unknown to them and never told them? If yes, explain.
Haha yes. A few years ago, because a friend of ours wouldn't leave the house so we went to extract him. His parents house has a gate leading onto a courtyard so we jumped over it and walked inside and gave him the fright of his life.

2. What's one sexual guilty pleasure that you wouldn't openly tell your friends about? Why?
Having sex with girls? Lol, my friends in England all know and so do my friends in Malta but in Malta it's still a taboo subject. When I first came out to them I told them the sex was amazing and they looked a bit uncomfortable, so I don't really talk to them about it.

3. Take a peek over any celebrity's shoulder in the bathroom...who are they and what are they reading?
Lily Allen, she's not reading, she's looking at naked pictures of me and wishing she was in them too :).

4. Roses are red, violets are blue...[finish this line with your own rhyme]
No one makes me shiver quite like you do.
(crap aren't I?)

5. Do you believe in ghosts or other supernatural activity? Why or why not?
Not really. Only because during my second year at uni I took a parapsychology module and had to write an essay on possible reasons for paranormal activity. There's too much evident against it, i'm a fact is fact kind of girl.

Bonus (optional): How many times have you thought about sex in the last 24 hours? What triggered it? Who did it involve? Provide as much details as you like.
Lots. I generally think about sex often because I like it, loads. It involved J, it also involved me drunkenly asking for sex last night. She doesn't like drunken sex, I like any sex. We haven't been having sex as often as we used to, simply because we have less time and we've kind of moulded ourselves into our relationship quite well.

Sorry my blog posts have been so crappy recently, not much is going on apart from the usual and I don't want to bore everyone with things you all already know!
Oh does everyone like my new header? I actually paid $10 for it, because I'm a loser and love all this technology malarkey, but can't actually do it myself. Haha!

Finally, send me some questions on formspring, maybe they'll inspire to write something other than memes or posts about ANTM lol :)
http://www.formspring.me/newbo1

The eight tens meme

2010-03-26T14:31:00.002Z

I'm printing off some articles which i need to read for my dissertation/thesis whatever you want to call it. While i do so i came across this meme on Sunday Stealing, which I found through Kara and Jessica's blog.

The eight tens meme

TEN TO START.

1. Are you single?
No

2. Are you happy?
99% of the time. By the end of May it will be a definite YES :)

3. Are you bored?
Kind of, i have way too much read. Though it's all about childhood obesity and body image, so it's actually quite interesting.

4. Are you naked?
No

5. Are you a blonde?
No

6. Are you moody?
Depends on the person i'm with

7. Are you a lover/hater?
Lover, though everyone has their hater moments

8. Are you hot/cold?
Perfect

9. Are you Irish?
No

10. Are you Asian?
No

TEN FACTS.

1. Name: Sophie

2. Nicknames: Patch, brimb, picca, jaj

3. Birth mark: Small one on my wrist, its lighter than the rest of my skin

4. Hair color: brown

5. Natural hair color: brown!

6. Eye color: brown

7. Height: short

8. Facebook Mood:there aren't moods on facebook.. if you mean status it's "doesn't like it when articles aren't referenced properly in real journal articles!"

9. Favorite color: blue, purple, brown, cream

10. One Place to Visit: Malta, duh :)

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Maybe. I believe that if there is something there, sparks will fly as soon as you meet that person, an instant connection will be made. Whether it's love or not is a different story.

2. Do you believe in soul mates?
yes

4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally?
Yes

5. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
I don't know

6. Have you ever been cheated on?
I don't think so

7. Have you ever liked someone and not told them?
Yes

8. Are you afraid of commitment?
No

9. Who was the last person you hugged?
A

10. Who was the last person you kissed?
J

TEN THIS OR THAT.

1. Love or lust?
Love. I think with romantic love, lust is part of the package that it comes with.

Where's number 2 gone?

3. Cats or dogs?
Dogs

4. A few best friends or many regular friends?
Few besties

5. Television or internet?
Both

6. Chinese Or Indian?
Indian

7. Wild night out or romantic night in?
Romantic night in, i'm an old soul.

8. Money or Happiness?
Happiness, though no matter what anyone says, not having to worry about money makes anyone happier.

9. Night or day?
Day

10. MSN or phone?
Phone, since you can get internet on there too now!

TEN HAVE YOU EVER.

1. Been caught sneaking out?
No, i've never had to

2. Been skinny dipping?
Yes

3. Stolen?
Yes

4. Bungee jumped?
No

5. Lied to someone you liked?
Probably

6. Finished an entire jaw breaker?
No

8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back?
Yes

9. Cried because you lost a pet?
Yes :(

10. Wanted to disappear?
Yes

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER.

1. Smile or eyes?
Smile, because it lights up the eyes too!

2. Light or dark hair?
Medium coloured? I'm a sucker for a brunette anyway.

3. Hugs or kisses?
Both, you can't make me choose. A kiss whilst being hugged and squeezed and rubbed.

4. Shorter or taller?
Taller

5. Intelligence or attraction?
Intelligence - i started seeing a guy who was lovely in person and very nice to look at but was frustratingly thick. I had to explain everything to him twice. It didn't last very long.

6. Romantic or spontaneous?
Both

7. Funny or serious?
Funny

8. Older or Younger?
Older

9. Outgoing or quiet?
Outgoing

10. Sweet or Bad Ass?
A bit of both!

TEN HAVE YOU’S.

1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd?
Yes

2. Ever done drugs?
No

3. Ever been pregnant?
No

5. Ever been on a cheer leading team?
Haha, we tried at school but didn't keep it up. Its not a big thing in Malta.

6. Ever Been on a dance team?
No

7. Ever been on a sports team?
Yes

8. Ever been in a drama play/production?
School ones

9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley?
No

10. Ever been in a rap video?
No

TEN LASTS.

1. Last phone call you made:
Trying to ring the hospital about my op!

2. Last person you hung out with:
Izzy

4. Last time you worked:
Work work? Saturday. Uni work - today

5. Last person you tackled:
Haha J, i like pushing her back on to her bed everytime she gets up :)

6. Last person you IM’d:
J

8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with:
Izzy

9. Last thing you missed:
My family

10. Last thing you ate:
Crackers

New ANTM, new favourite

2010-03-25T11:51:00.006Z

What is it with stomachs? That's the first place I look. One of the reasons I love J is because of her tummy. She has stars down either side of hers, and if i didn't fancy the pants off her enough before, the first time i saw them i fell in love with them. I love kissing up and down them now :).

I made a formspring, i don't really know why. Actually i do. It's because i'm a sheep and if formspring is in, then i have formspring! Ask me questions, go on, you know you want to.
http://www.formspring.me/newbo1

Love and Lily

2010-03-24T11:45:00.002Z

EDIT: I'm going here on Sunday 4th July to watch Lily Allen support Jay Z! I love Lily Allen, J loves Jay Z, so it seemed like a pretty good plan! To make it even more awesome, it takes place at London's Hyde Park, and it's also going to be Lily Allen's last live show for a while! I can't wait! :D

Ray of hope

2010-03-19T16:38:00.005Z

I know I've already posted today, but I came across an article on the website of Malta's biggest, most popular newspaper and I decided that I had to share it with everyone. It's written by a 19-year old University student in Malta and it gives insight into the close-minded mentality a lot of people still hold in Malta with regards to gay rights. The girl herself is very honest and open about her upbringing and her opinion on gay rights and gay marriage. It gives little gays like me some hope that people like her will be in control one day and I can go back home and raise a family there without being judged one day. If anyone is interested in reading the article just click HERE.

J and I hope to move to Malta one day (fingers crossed we're together long enough lol!). We are very wrapped up in each other and have talked about the possibility of a family, though we know that there is a chance we won't be together in however many years time, it's nice to know that we share the same ideas and hopes for a family in the future. Regardless of J anyway (that sounds a bit harsh lol) I've never really fancied the idea of raising children in England as Malta is much much safer and everything is just a bit easier over there. Except of course being gay. So if i, or we, did want to move there to raise a family, we wouldn't be able to do it right now, so hopefully within the next 15 - 20 years Malta can progress and we will be able to live happily and in a non-homophobic environment.

Homosexuality was made legal back in 1973, and there are laws protecting gay people from abuse and discrimination. Even though that is really good considering Malta is a very Catholic country, you would think that by now, and with the influence that the media has over the world at the moment, we would have progressed further. But alas, I have to wait and read blogs by people my age hoping they will one day help to change the backwards ideas that the Maltese people still hold.

Phew! Rant over :)

The BB award, Bloginterviewer, and a year of blog!

2010-03-19T08:05:00.003Z

This week has been a lovely week for my dear old blog. Yesterday it turned one whole year old! I neglected it a little bit between summer and the new year, but i'm back and i'm loving it again!

Also, some wonderful person (tell me who you are!) nominated me for a Blog Interview! Thank you so much to whoever did, let me know who you are! You can read my interview here and, you know, vote for me if you want to :).

Finally the lovely Jude over at 7 Senses nominated me for a Beautiful Blogger award! Jude was one of the first people i followed when i started blogging a year ago, and one of the first to follow me back! So you should all go and say hi to her, if you haven't already :)

The rules of the award are:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

Ok, i don't think i'll be passing it along to 15 bloggers, but i'll leave that till the end.

Seven things about me, this is going to be hard, i tend to write about everything on here!
1. I was born, baptised and raised Catholic. I am Catholic but I don't practice, I don't go to church. Partly out of laziness, partly because I don't believe in a lot of what the church says. Especially the Maltese Catholic church: Gay is wrong, gay marriage is wrong, sex before marriage, children born outside of marriage, divorce, abortion.. The last two are both illegal in Malta because the church is such a dominating force over the government.

2. I am a terrible procrastinator. I usually have about 5 windows open at the same time, even more if i'm meant to be working. I watch youtube videos, refresh facebook, stalk people on twitter, read blogs, all to avoid doing anything merely productive.

3. The only time i stop procrastinating is when food is involved. I would choose food over almost anything. I love love love eating, i love savoury food, especially cheese. In fact i made my dad bring some maltese cheese over to England when he was here these past couple of days. I love meat, veg, fruit, pasta, bread, pizza, any and all types of food. Especially cheese. Oh and cheesecake. Yum!

4. I've only had two 'serious' boyfriends before J, and only slept with 3 guys before her. That one crazy drunken night changed my life forever!

5. Only one person in my life knows I blog, and she doesn't read it. The reason I started this blog was to be able to get things off my chest without worrying about offending others or being judged, so i've only ever told one woman, who did her first year of uni with me and came out around the same time i did. No one, not even J knows, which is a bit weird sometimes because i would like to tell her how well i'm doing suddenly, but I like having my own little space to get things off my chest :).

6. I don't have any tattoos, though i would like one but knowing me i'd cry in the chair lol! I'm a wimp, and J has told me many times that i probably wouldn't be able to sit through a whole session. I have one piercing, my belly button, which i got when i was 14. Sometimes i consider taking it out but my belly looks too weird without it.

7. My favourite part of my body is my hair :)

Ok, the people I'm going to pass this blog on to are:

More sex, chocolate and red lipstick - Amy here is a student, and her blog posts are always fun and interesting. I started following her on blogspot and now she has migrated over to wordpress and i've only just managed to put her back on to my blog list. On top of that, she's pretty hot!

Finding Claire - Claire writes about her life with her girlfriend, pretty much in the same way I do, and I love reading about what they get up to, as well as beign able to relate to what's going on in her life :)

Just, because - Ashleigh is also gay and has a girlfriend, and a little younger than me, so i love reading her blog because i wasn't out when i was her age, and to read things from her perspective is great.

Learning how to sail my ship - Finally, Crystal is another lesbian who i love reading, it's just nice to get a little insight into peoples thoughts and feelings, and Crystal writes about things and people she likes as well as her life.

Check them out, i love them!

Finally, i want to end this post with this video i came across on facebook/youtube which really amused me:

We may let the scaffolds fall, confident that we have built our wall.

2010-03-15T13:06:00.001Z

Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job’s done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.
- Seamus Heaney

J's new job is going incredibly well, she's really enjoying it, which is good because it means this past week and weekend have been incredible. She's been in a really good mood all the time and the little things that used to piss her off didn't get to her. It's so nice to finally see her happy again!

She's working in the college library, where she found some postcards which were about to be thrown away from the BBC's recent poetry season, all of which had a verse or two from some of the most famous poems. One of them had the last two verses of Seamus Heaney's poem "Scaffolding". She gave this one to me, and it is now one of my favourite poems. She's becoming quite sentimental, which she wasn't when we first started seeing each other, and when she gave it to me and hugged her and had a little cry into her shoulder! We stuck it on top of her bed, in between us :).

On a side note, I'm off to London tomorrow to watch football and see my dad! I can't wait, i haven't seen him since January and i'm a proper daddy's girl, so the tears that will be shed when he leaves on Thursday will be plenty.

Do you have any favourite poems? Or favourite things your partner has given you?

A few things to look forward to

2010-03-12T16:22:00.002Z

Here are some things i'm really looking forward to:

Finishing uni

Doing well (hopefully!)

My breast reduction - even though I'm petrified

Buying new things to wear :)

The sun coming out soon, hopefully

My mum coming to Derby for the first time since she came over to help me settle in when i came in 2007

Spending a few weeks in Cambridge with my mum and my aunt

Summer in Malta with J

Moving in with J

Getting a job and being able to leave the cinema

Going to New York (hopefully!) next Christmas

I am really excited about the next few months :)
What are you all looking forward to?

Wow!

2010-03-11T12:26:00.002Z

I have 50 followers! I don't really know what else to say about it except thank you everyone for being interested in me!

This week has been a good week so far. J started her new job on Monday and she's really enjoying it, which means she's been really happy and cheerful all week, which means so have I. She was only given part time hours at first, but they've given her Thursday and Friday too which means after April she can finally leave the cinema. The sun is starting to shine, the sky is getting bluer, and the air is slowly getting warmer, all is good :).

Apart from the fact that, as always, i can't focus and have no motivation to do my uni work. My deadlines and exams are looming and i just can't be bothered. which is not good. I did well last semester (I got A, B+ and a B), so i have a good chance of getting a good degree result, though i need to get my head down and read read read.

On top of that, my breast reduction is taking place on 7th June. I'm petrified! I had my pre-operative assessment yesterday and i've put on weight, so the nurse told me i need to lose some just in case (just in case they decide after all not give me the op). Grrr. It's not even a lot that i've put on, and it's just down to laziness, but i'm not happy about it. Ah well, it just has to be done. I also saw the ward that i would be staying in, and it's a cancer ward. I feel a little bit like an intruder, considering most of the patients who are going to be in there are ones who really need treatment, whereas my op isn't essential. But anyways, i'm just happy it's finally getting done, even if i am scared about what life is going to be like with normal-sized boobs. What if i don't like them? Or if i can't recognise myself without them? Ah, i'll just have to wait and see i guess.

Crazy in love

2010-03-07T13:14:00.002Z

Don't you hate how crazy being in love makes you feel? Mentally crazy, slightly deranged and completely out of control of your feelings, emotions and even your body. I do and say things sometimes, not necessarily anything bad, just things i don't normally things i would do or say. I've realised this year that my confidence has increased so much, partly i think because of J and also because of university. When i first moved to Derby i was much quieter, i wouldn't speak up about anything, i wouldn't stand up for myself, i couldn't speak out in front of large groups of people, and now i can do all those things, though it's only been throughout the last week that i realised just how much i've changed.

I noticed at uni last week, we had to give a small presentation and the other people in my group didn't want to speak out so i did, and i was calm and confident. This time last year i would have blushed and stumbled over my words. I was talking to J in a nightclub last night and her friend and housemate (let's call her friend X) kept trying to get involved. Now this woman is 10 years older than me and since i've known she's always been rather patronising and made me feel small and she's the type of person who always has to be right, always has to be in charge and always has to have the last word. She used to point out my age a lot, which i didn't like because i am always the youngest around friends here yet i don't act like a child. J has had to move in with her even though she doesn't want to and X hasn't been very nice about me being there. She's also one of the biggest hypocrites i know and she's not always very nice to J. So last night she kept trying to interfere and i flipped and shouted at her to not get involved and she started yelling back.
But the point is, a year ago, maybe even a few months ago, i wouldn't have had the courage to stand up to her. The only problem is she doesn't want me in her house now but to be honest, i'm glad i flipped because she's just ridiculous. She's alienated a lot of J's other friends because she wasn't very nice to them, and whenever she's around she hangs on to J and excludes everybody else from the conversation they're having. I was just fed up with it.

Anywaaaaaayyy, rant over!

Has anything changed you recently? Over the past few years? Have you noticed it - are there particular things or situations where it's really obvious to you?

Coming out to strangers and great boobie news

2010-03-04T20:09:00.004Z

out to strangers is really bizarre. It's completely different to telling someone you know, yet it still feels just as hard. I've been lucky here in England because i've known most of them since more or less the time when J and i got together, or else they didn't know me well enough to know whether i was gay or not so it was easy for me to tell them. It wasn't as easy to tell people back home, but i was quietly confident/hopeful that that would be ok with it.

It seems coming out to strangers is the hardest of the three. I still find myself calling J my friend, even though we've been together for almost 18 months. I really have to push the words 'my girlfriend' out of my mouth. Hardly anyone at the school where I work knows about J and today i mentioned her in a conversation and said 'my friend' and then finally, at the end of the conversation, mentioned 'my girlfriend'. I think it's probably subconsciously feeling that they will judge me, as well as the fact that i haven't been out very long, it's all very confusing.

I also find telling men is much easier than telling women. Again, i think maybe it's because i subconsciously worry that a woman might feel awkward around me if they knew i was gay. Why, i do not know. I've never really thought about it until today. Has anyone else ever thought about it? One of the strangest thing was putting J down as my next of kin on my hospital forms, seeing as she's the only family i have here.

Oh, and i finally have a date for my breast reduction surgery, it's going to take place on 7th June! I have a pre-op assessment next Wednesday. Keep an eye out because i'm going to start a different blog about it, mainly because i've read other people's blogs about their experiences and they played a big part in my decision as to whether or not to actually have the surgery. Yay!

Glee glee

2010-03-03T18:34:00.002Z

Is anyone else out there in blogland as obsessed with Glee as I am? I've downloaded both volumes of the music and listen to them constantly, i watch clips on youtube and i've seen every episode two or three times already. I am absolutely obsessed. It is brilliant, sheer genius, especially Jane Lynch's character Sue Sylvester. It's worth a watch just to see her. Her comments and remarks are just amazing, and her acting, including her facial expressions and tone of voice, just make her one of the funniest characters i have seen in ages! Not that i'm expert or anything, but she's had me laughing out loud on more than one occasion. Below is one of my favourite Sue Sylvester moments:

Then there's Rachel Berry. Her voice is incredible and does well to indulge my love of musicals and show tunes. Plus she's not too hard on the eyes either! I found this video on youtube, it shows off her voice and, well, her :).

Shoulder to cry on

2010-03-02T17:36:00.002Z

There are many things that annoy me, but right now, being there for someone is really annoying. I feel a little bit unappreciated and it's really, really starting to annoy me.

I mentioned in my vlog a couple of weeks ago that J had a job interview which she got, yay! I'm so glad, she's been really unhappy at the cinema and hopefully at the end of the month she can leave the place for good. However she still doesn't seem to have cheered up, and i'm there for her no matter what but when she starts taking her stress out on me it gets really hard and makes me want to slap her to at least get some coherent words out of her.

She had work at the cinema today and i went to meet A for lunch. She managed to finish work early and join us for lunch, which i paid for. She seemed to be in a good mood over lunch, laughing and joking and acting normal. Then we went to look for trousers for her new job and after she tried a couple of pairs on she got really mardy and starting sulking and snapping at me. I asked her if she was ok and she just said "oh i'm never going to find a pair of trousers." We walked home together and she didn't say two words to me so i decided to come home, i have work to do anyway. Before i left i asked her again if she was ok because she looked upset and she said she was fine. I left it a couple of hours and then texted her and asked her of she was ok again and again she said she's alright, to which i replied you don't seem alright and she never replied.

Why do people act like this?? She's clearly not ok, and she usually tells me why. I don't even know what to say, i'm annoyed and i needed to rant and i wish my girlfriend wasn't an emotional cripple.

Question answers & the hypocrisy of it all

2010-02-23T14:55:00.005Z

Question from Crsytal: What are your plans when you are done with school?
First I hope to get a job as a Teaching Assistant next year, only for one year, and then do a Masters degree in Child/developmental psychology or Speech and Language Therapy. I'm not exactly sure yet but I've got a year to decide :).

Question from Jes:What is your biggest fear?
I have to say I think my biggest fear is growing old. My great-grandmother is 95 and has dimentia and although it's great that she's still alive and kicking, 90% of the time she has no idea where she is, who she's living with, how old she is, who's who (she once asked me if i was in her class at school). She just seems miserable all the time and it just scares me a little to think i will probably end up like that one day. But then i'm also scared of death, where do we end up and so on, so maybe growing old is the lesser of two evils? I'm not sure, i know a lot of people disagree with me, especially on death issues, it's just the idea of not being alive is depressing and really really scary to me.

Question from Ashley Dee: What qualifications did you need to study psychology?
I needed and overall pass and grade C on my A Levels, with a C in English, as well as a certain number of UCAS points, though I'm not sure how many cos it's been about 4 years since i applied now.

Thanks for asking :)

The hypocrisy of it all
I've been following 2 moms with a plan for a while now, and this post really hit a nerve with me. Have a look at it, i commented on it if you'd like to see my views and share your own on the topic.
Bloody close-minded people who think they know what's 'right' and what's 'wrong' when clearly their sense of right and wrong is extremely messed up!

Vlog/Blog experiment - Ask me some questions!

2010-02-19T19:56:00.001Z

The Photos

2010-02-18T15:56:00.001Z

2010-02-18T14:09:00.005Z

Because it seems i've finally fallen in love with blogging again, here are some photos to show you what i've been up to, apart from middle aged men touching my boobs and getting good grades at uni ;).
That gorgeous little monkey right there is Baby Boy, H's son. He is almost a year and a half now, and that was the last time i saw him, which was christmas time when H invited us all to hers during the christmas break. He ran around trying to steal H's ipod and stood and danced to our cheesy christmas tunes. All the while holding his blanket in his hand. Bad ass little boy.Then came christmas day, which was strangely un-christmas like. It was 24 degrees C in Malta (which is 75F) so it wasn't particularly wintery and it just felt a bit strange because of financial and familial issues. But it was still a lovely day, even though my mother announced, not very nicely, to the rest of the family that i planned to work next year and not go straight on to a masters. Shock and bloody horror, after 21 years of education i would like to take a break for a year. She thinks i'm being stupid to do it but at the end of the day it is my decision, and i've made it now. Also, one of our dogs wasn't there, i still cry when i think about him and how stupid the vet was for not recognising what he had early enough, when it's so common amongst dogs in Malta. Stupid, over paid, lazy twats (two of them managed to misdiagnose him, before it was too late and vet number three tried his hardest to save him). Anyway, that's my dad and me on christmas day, i'm a daddy's girl.
After christmas came new year's eve. Between christmas and NYE and any time around then i spent playing The Sims 3. I love it becuase you can have same sex couples! So, obviously, i made a nice little lesbian family, and we adopted babies and lived a blissful life. Unfortunately we died after about four days so now our daughter is married to a man and has a child and one more on the way, and our son is engaged. But after playing for a week i got bored and haven't looked at it since. So, NYE we went to a party where there weren't many people and a fully stocked open bar. Let me make that easier to understand. Very few people + fully stocked open bar = absolutely smashed and exhausted by 11.59pm. It was a good night, that didn't involve much except drinking, i danced for a total of 10 minutes, and because of the massive shoes i was wearing and the tightness of my beautiful dress (which arrived the day before NYE, thanks ASOS!) these 10 minutes were not the most comfortable of my life. But overall it was not a failed night. However, the best part of my christmas break came the day after New Year's Day, when J arrived. We had an amazing week in the sun. All we did was eat, go for walks, play with the dog, and have sex (which was a little bit hard in my single bunk beds, but we made it work). We went to some birthday parties/gatherings, we went to watch Avatar in 3D with my brother, his girlfriend, her dad and T. Avatar was incredible. The effects and the colours and the 3D are incredible, you don't really pay much attention to the actual storyline because you sit in awe of the beautiful colours and scenery on the screen. Well, that's what happened to me at least. The story is very Pocahontas-like. But the blues and the pinks and the greens and the tree of life, the place where they have sex anyway, was incredible. If it weren't for the effects and the 3D i think it would just seem like any other film. We also did lots of touristy stuff, went round historic places, visited gardens, had lunch at places with magnificent views of the main harbour, those kinds of things.
Anyway, on top of that we went for walks. My parents live in the countryside, in the middle of them valley, and on one day we went for a walk with my dad and the dog, and then on another we went for a 4 hour walk with the just the dog. It was incredible, the views were amazing as we walked along the coast across four different beaches/bays, and i'm going to post a few photos and shut up now because this post is a million times longer than i intended it to be.

I've edited this post a million times, it's too long for my liking, so i'm going to post the photos on a separate post. Sorry for the lengthiness! I think i may be opting for vlogs more often!

Vlog experiment

2010-02-17T19:33:00.003Z

So i've decided to try vlogging, i even edited the video, not brilliantly, and it took me ages, but maybe listening to me for 4 minutes will be more enjoyable for you than reading pages of words! Tell me what you think, be gentle lol :)

TMI Tuesday #227

2010-02-16T17:14:00.002Z

So I've been absent for a while, I have so much work to do and not enough time or motivation. I'll update asap, hopefully this evening!

Have you had sex with another person in 2010? Have you passed on an opportunity to sex with another person in 2010?
Yes i have, and no i haven't.

What is the funniest thing you have ever said or done during sex? (Orgasmic facial expressions do not count.)
As much as i hate to admit this, i farted once, we'd only been together for a few months. She thought it was hilarious but i was so embarrassed, i was nervous every time we had sex for the next couple of weeks.

What is the first thing you notice about a member of the opposite sex?
Nothing, i like the ones that look like me.

What is the best pick-up line you have ever heard? Ever used? Ever been used on you?
Hmmm, there was one guy who tried every pick up line on me one summer, they didn't work, most of them were horrible and degrading and made me hate him just a little bit. Things like "you must be tired cos you've been walking across my mind all day". Or however that one goes.

Where is the most unique you have ever had sex?
Um, the cinema?

I'll post an update later hopefully, happy Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday #219 - First one in a long time!

2009-12-29T20:08:00.002Z

1. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2009?
Brilliant - 10.

2. What are your favorite/naughtiest/sexiest/most fun 2009 memories?
I have loads of good memories, many of them with J, going to Alton Towers, Beni in summer, Sicily with my mum, Aberdeen in May, and a lot of the sex has been amazing, i've done so many things i thought i never would have done.

3. What’s the one thing you thought you would never do, but did in 2009?
Err, J? Well, technically that started in 2008, but i didn't admit i was in love with her till March, i never ever ever saw that one coming.

4. What do you want to change in 2010?
Not much actually. I hope i get a good result in my degree, and i hope my laziness and procrastination habits change, so i can get my good result.

5. What is your all-time favorite gift (whether given or received by you)?
J's birthday present to me, which was Alton Towers, my Christmas present from my mum (a new laptop :D, i don't think i mentioned that yet) and the present i got for J for christmas, which was a flight to Malta. Which arrives on Saturday. Fast forward button please!

Bonus (as in optional): On special holidays- like birthdays, anniversaries, ringing in the New Year -are you more inclined to do a sex act that you wouldn't "normally" do? (things like fellatio/cunnilingus, anal sex, strap-ons/toys, videoing yourself/pictures, menage-a-trois/quatres, etc.)
No, we generally like to try new things whenever the mood arises, no special occasions required!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T11:48:00.002Z

Merry Christmas to everyone in blogland!

This is also my one hundredth post, i guess it's a nice way to reach a milestone!

xxxxxxx

A well-needed update..

2009-12-22T00:38:00.003Z

Wow, i haven't written anything for ages. I always log on, read other people's blogs and remain ambiguous. Things haven't changed much since I last posted, we're still together and still crazy about each other, though we did have a blip in between then and now. General life seems to get in the way of more important things. I'm home for christmas now and i miss her like crazy.

J graduates in one month, which I am really excited about, I'm extremely proud of her and I can't wait to spend the day celebrating with her. She finished uni in June and hasn't been able to find a proper graduate job, so she's been working at the cinema, but full time hours, which makes her miserable cos it is shit working there. I work 10 hours a week and its enough to make me want to scratch my eyeballs out, i admire her for sticking out 40+ hours a week, and being treated like shit. She's also constantly broke, she moved out of her parents' and in with her best mate a couple of months ago, but can't really afford it, so she barely manages to pay her bills and rent every month. It's kind of because of this that we had our little blip, though after it happened we both think it did us good.

I think we weren't used to being around each other so much after the summer. I'd been away for 3 months, and apart from the 3 weeks when she was in Malta and the week in Beni, we didn't see each other much. So when i got back to Derby, she was still living at home so we had to stay in my single bed in halls, which we did all last year, but we weren't used to it anymore, and we weren't spending the night together as much as we used to, or as much as i wanted. So for a week things were a bit weird between us, and one morning she said she needed space, but by the evening she'd texted me saying she didn't need space at all, she was just stressing about finances, and things went back to normal for a few days. Then i started to feel like she didn't want me around, we were hardly seeing each other, hardly spending the night together, and hardly having sex, which was weird for us. As i was leaving hers one day i started crying and told her that i feel like she didn't want me around, and that she didn't care about whether we were together or not. I went home and we argued about it a little bit and she asked me round the next day and we split up. I hated it, it didn't make sense to me. She seemed different and i felt like i hadn't done anything wrong but she was taking it out on me.

We were split up for two weeks, and i was miserable obviously. We talked almost every day, and she insisted she still cared about me and still loved me and she didn't know if it was the right thing to do. I tried to keep my distance, though when i did get the opportunity i did ask her why why why, and she always said she didn't know. Just before halloween (which was our anniversary, coincidentally) she texted to ask how i was and i said i was miserable, and she said she was too. We got talking and she said she's just stressed about money and she didn't want me to suffer because of it, and she was also feeling pressure from me because of it. We talked and i didn't really know where we stood, and i was too scared to ask, and the next morning she texted me asking if i would spend Sunday with her and spend Saturday night with her. And everything has literally been perfect since then. The few issues we had we managed to iron out, and we talk about absolutely everything now, and nothing comes between us.

By that time, i had managed to book a cheap flight home (Ryanair is good for something!), cos i was really badly homesick. While i was away she texted and rang me everyday, and apologised practically every time we spoke. Unfortunately, while i was at home one of our beautiful dogs, Bonnie, died of sandfly. We adopted him on Christmas Eve 2003, he was 1 and a 1/2, and he was the friendliest, calmest, most beautiful dog you will ever meet.

I miss him so much :(

When i got back to Derby she apologised again, and we talked about it and we agreed that it was good for us. I haven't been happier, just thinking about her makes me want to burst. We talk about it often, well not often, occasionally, and i think the time apart has really made us appreciate what we have, and how good we go together. Since we got back together we've been working together more, as a team, cooking, cleaning together, and laughing, joking around, being friends again as well as having some more amazing sex! We even invested in a strap on recently (which i have wanted for ages, took me a while to convince J but it was definitely worth it, and she agrees!). I made some burgers recently, she made me a nice steak meal, and we had our christmas dinner last Wednesday since we can't be together on christmas day.

Plus i still think she is the cutest, most beautiful thing ever, with the sexiest tattoos i have ever seen in my life.

Luckily i don't have to miss her too much, cos she's coming out during my last week here, on the 2nd January. Yay! I hope everyone had a better October than i did, cos mine was shit. But November and December, and the rest of 2009, has been amazing. I couldn't ask for more, but if i could, i want my dog back please.

Oh, and i finally had a body scan on Wednesday, to hopefully prove that my boobs are out of proportion on my body. You would think looking at me would be enough, but no. The results take 6-8 weeks, so fingers crossed! My back seems to have got worse since i had the scan too, it's like it knows -.-.

Eyes wide open, naked as we came

2009-09-20T00:28:00.003+01:00

I have just discovered an amazing singer on Youtube.. Some of you might know who she is but i hadn't heard any of her music before today, when i decided i wanted to listen to "Naked as we came" by Iron & Wine. I first heard that song on Grey's Anatomy, and today i heard it again for the first time in months on The L Word (season 2, episode 4, when Shane cuts Jenny's hair off). I forgot how much i loved that song.

Anyway, back to Kina Grannis, i haven't listened to any of her original stuff yet, i've just been listening to her covers and they are amazing, her voice is so soft and effortless, perfect for middle of the night easy listening. She's especially perfect when you're in one of those happy, floaty, everythings-just-perfect kind of moods.

Yesterday we spent most of the day in bed, watching crap films and having amazing sex. It was just a perfect day. I can't even think about anything else to write about, i don't want to bore people. The only thing i can think of is university, and i really don't want to think about that yet, i have another week or so till we go back and i'm enjoying wasting some time without feeling too guilty. I'm so happy to be back, and just be out, walk down the street holding her hand, kissing her in public, being able to tell people that she's my girlfriend, it feels amazing.

I hope everyone's having a good time too!

Happiness and progress. And lots more happiness.

2009-09-16T09:28:00.002+01:00

Wow i haven't anything in quite a while. I haven't really had anything much going on, my mum and i went to Sicily and obviously i didn't pluck up the courage to come out to her, or at least tell her about J. It was really nice though, especially spending a week alone with my mum just before i left, it kind of helped me feel less guilty about leaving home. So we went to Sicily and we ate lots of good food, drank lots of good wine and met lots of pervy Italian men. My mum is almost 45 and she looks really good for her age, she's half my size and has a beautiful face (thats where i got it from hahaaa), so everywhere we went these pervy Sicilians followed us around and stared at us really unashamedly. It got rather annoying.

I really really wanted to tell her about J before i came back to Derby (which i did on Monday) and on Sunday night i finally did it. She actually knows, its amazing, it just makes our relationship seem more real somehow. It wasn't a very long conversation, but at least it happened and now most people back home know about us. I couldn't blurt it out myself, but she guessed which made it so much easier. Inevitably she told me "don't commit, you're still young" but i wasn't really listening at this point, my mind was just buzzing and i just wanted to talk to J.
So that was that! She hugged me and said she doesn't care as long as i'm happy and she's acting exactly the same which is brilliant.

And now i'm back in Derby and i have never felt happier. Waking up next to her, feeling her skin against mine, looking at her beautiful face, i am just in absolute heaven and can't imagine anything different.

It's our one year anniversary in about a month and a half, and i want to get something amazing. Any ideas?

Pride and joy

2009-09-02T00:50:00.002+01:00

Today i am very proud of J. In May she finished her degree and one of her lecturers (who is gay, and who she's crazy about btw, but such is life when having an honest girlfriend) has almost got her a job teaching at college. On top of that, she emaild the people behind the feminist website The F Word with a suggestion for an article and was told that it's a brilliant idea and they old love for her to write it for them. It seems J is quite the writer, she had a creative writing class at uni and was told by her lecturer that she should try and get some of her stuff published. So today i am extremely proud of her.

I hadn't heard of the website before, so obviously i had to do a bit of snooping and checked it out. I found this article, about Same-sex hand holding (Sshh!) Saturday.

On this day, same-sex couples and friends all over the world are encouraged to hold hands in public to support the visibility of Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans (LGBT) people. Sshh! Saturdays will occur on the last Saturday of every month, publicised by A Day In Hand. This is a revolutionary way of encouraging and inspiring LGBT people to take responsibility for their equality and live their lives without fear or restraint.

Read the whole thing, i think it's a brilliant idea, especially if people outside the LGBT community take part to show their support.

In other news, tomorrow i'm off to Sicily for a week with my mum, and in 12 days i go back to Derby and to J, which i absolutely cannot wait for. I'm going to take her out for dinner as soon as i arrive, i was thinking sushi as there's a sushi place that opened up in Derby a couple of weeks before i left back in June and we never got the chance (or had enough money) to go and eat there. Now's our chance, before i become a social hermit and have to focus on finishing my bloody degree. Arghhh.

Is it alright for me to feel this way?

2009-08-30T22:37:00.002+01:00

Yesterday i started watching season 1 of The L Word again, skipping the bits i found boring, ie. anything involving Jenny (except her sex scenes with Marina of course). I spent the majority afternoon watching episodes 4 till 10, when i should have been reading up about discourse analysis for my IS (independent studies - my dissertation/thesis whatever you want to call it).

J went to Leeds festival this weekend, which i am quite jealous of cos Kings of Leon played/are playing tonight, and they were meant to play at Beni, but had to cancel cos of strong winds. Because of strong winds! T, F and I queued for about 6 hours to make sure we got right to front, right near the barriers, all to be told we had to fuck off back to our tents cos they were scared that the stage was going to fall apart and the equipment wasn't working well. Not happy! So cos J was away for the weekend we've hardly talked, except for a couple of texts. So now i'm looking forward to go home so we can talk again after almost a week. On Wednesday my mum and i are going to Sicily for a week, i'm really excited, i'm looking forward to getting away, and hopefully i'll pluck up the courage to come out to her while we're there, bonding over good food, good wine, and even better shopping. We come back the Wednesday after, and the Monday after that (which would be two weeks from tomorrow) i finally go back to Derby.

I'm really looking forward to going back, if only to be able to be out properly and not have to worry about coming out to anyone, or introducing J as my friend, i can hold her hand in public and across the table when we go out for dinner. Just the little things that we couldn't while she was here. I'm not particularily looking forward to my final year of uni, or the idea of making decisions about my future when i've finished, but ah, such is life.

I also have a feeling that two of our cats are gay. They are both girls and are constantly together and rubbing up against each other the way cats do, bump heads, rub bodies. But that is not the extent of it! Have you ever seen a male and female cat flirting? We have loads of cats, they come and eat our food, often uninvited, so i have been witness to plenty of feline flirting. The female cat rolls around on her back meowing, while the male cat sits and watches. Kind of like a feline lap dancer, or exotic dancer. Today, these two female cats rolled around in that way together, rubbing their heads together as they did it, then they lay on their stomachs facing each other and rubbed noses, licked each others paws, play fought, the works. I am absolutely convinced they have seen the light and have fallen madly in love with each other. I said this to my mother, and she laughed at me. Pah.

I didn't know where this was going, when you kissed me

2009-08-26T01:34:00.004+01:00

I'm obsessed with these two Lily Allen songs at the moment:

Who'd Have Known - I think most people can kind of relate to this song.

Chinese - I just think this song is the sweetest thing ever, she wrote it about her mum, and i understand how it feels to miss someone and miss doing stupid little things like talking, watching tv and taking the dog for a walk with them.

Plus Lily Allen is HOT.

EDIT:I found this photo a couple of minutes after I published this post, and i had to share it! She has the perfect belly i think..

She was meant to be playing in Benicassim, but unfortunately she got ill and had to cancel. I was not happy! What with Kings of Leon having to cancel because of the wind the night before, the two acts i had really gone to see were off the bill. Not impressed.

I came across the second song, Chinese, when i found this video on Heatworld (i'm a sucker for celebrity crap). It's a choral tribute to Lily Allen by the Capital Children's Choir. If you don't like Lily's version, then this version will absolutely melt your heart. As cheesy as they sound, they actually sound like angels. Really. Listen to it and i'm sure you'll agree with me.

TMI Tuesday #201

2009-08-25T14:39:00.002+01:00

1. Do you have "your" side of the bed? Which side?
Yes, it's usually the right side, mainly cos J likes the left!

2. How old is your pillow and what condition is it in?
It isn't very old, it's in quite a good condition

3. What is your favorite position to sleep in?
Usually starts with cuddles, then we drift away from each other and i like to sleep on my belly with one leg stretched out and the other pulled up almost near my chin.

4. How often do you change your sheets?
Not as often as i should!

5. What helps you fall asleep when insomnia strikes?
Talking to someone

6. Does sex make you sleepy or energized?
Sleepy, or just mushy and cuddly. I usually want to stay in bed though.

7. What is the minimum amount of sleep that you need to be functional the next day.
I've functioned, maybe not very well but nonetheless, on 3 or 4 hours sleep.

Let's just stay, let's just stay, i wanna lie in bed all day. We'll be laughing all the waaaay.

2009-08-24T13:59:00.002+01:00

Yesterday i spent the day on the beach with my mum. We went parakiting (or parasailing, or parachuting..). It was amazing! We were harnessed on to a parachute and a boat pulled us along over the sea. It was an incredible experience. We had a really lovely day, we had a nice lunch and it was then that i thought about telling her about J. She was in a really good mood, and slightly drunk cos we drank a bottle of (really good) wine. But i didn't. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh why does it have to be so hard! I just want to get it over with so i can stop feeling guilty about lying to her and my dad and get on with being happy with J.

As always, we couldn't go one day without having little arguments, and as always they were about university. The main one being that i want to take a year out after i finish my degree in May (fuck me i can't believe it) so i can work, and just relax because i've been at some form of school all my life and it's getting a little bit boring. Also so i can save up for my Masters. And J also plays a part in it. We've been together for 10 months, but it still feels all new and lovely, and since i'm moving away from Derby to do my Masters, i want to stay in Derby for an extra year, especially if we're still together. To be honest i'd want to stay even if we're not because i love it there, i've really settled in and have friends there now. But my mother doesn't understand this, she didn't want me to go in the first place and she still thinks that as soon as i've finished my studies i'm going to move back home.

But anyway, i have three weeks left to do it, and at the moment i'm busy worrying about my Dissertation. I'm enjoying my little bubble of happiness, and worry that if i let any more people in they will burst it for me :(.

Plus this past week my back's been terrible :(.

You love me, I love harder so

2009-08-21T01:39:00.003+01:00

Tomorrow is J's birthday. She's only been gone a few days but I wish I was with her. These past few weeks have been amazing, but now i'm really looking forward to going back to Derby. Not just cos of J, but cos of my friends too and just to be in Derby. It really feels like home now.

Like I anticipated, T was a bit weird with J when I introduced them in Spain. Seeing J in Spain was absolutely amazing, the feeling i got when i saw her for the first time was incredible. She was standing on the beach looking fit as fuck in her bikini and i saw her before she saw me and i could see the excitement and anticipation on her face. It was incredible! I met her every day while we were at the music festival, and luckily towards the end of the week T loosened up. But being there with her was amazing, it felt exactly like it did at the very beginning, we couldn't keep our hands off each other, we were laughing constantly, it really was brilliant. After a week at the festival in Benicassim, we went to Valencia and J and her friend were coming the day after and they hadn't booked in anywhere, so i booked them a room in the hotel we were staying in, which had it's obvious perks :). We walked around Valencia for a couple of hours, and you know when you think back to something and one thing really sticks out about that occasion, well from that day i remember laughing constantly with her. At each other, with each other, at other people, at absolutely everything.

She came to Malta a few days after we got back, and even though it was amazing, we quickly got back into our comfortable routine. It was so great having her here. My family and friends loved her, but now the pressure's on cos i decided i would come out to my parents after she left. And when i decided this there were months left and now she's gone and i'm going back in less than a month and i am scared shitless. But anyway, i shall not go on about it, instead i'll post a couple of photos.

These are my favourite ones of J and me while she was here.

The first one is one my favourite photos ever. I love the way she's resting her chin on my back, and the look in her eyes.

Finally

2009-07-11T20:43:00.003+01:00

Tomorrow night I fly to Valencia T and our friend F, by 6.30 we'll be in Benicassim for what should be 10 of the best, most epic days ever. I finally get to see J after more than 4 weeks, and then i get to see Oasis, Kings of Leon, The Killers, Franz Ferdinand, Lily Allen, Boyz Noize, Glasvegas, Mystery Jets, Pete Doherty and loads more with a beer in my hand and my favourite people around me! You might realise that i'm a tad excited.

T's been worrying me a bit, she's acted exactly the same since i told her, but whenever we talk about about J, she goes a bit funny. She asked me the other day, "aren't you a bit sad that you're going to be single at Benicassim?" And i said, "no, cos i'm happy with her. If i wasn't happy then i would be, but i am so i'm not. Plus she's gonna be there so it's ok."

Then at some point we talking about sex, and she said "that's not real sex no is it." Well, not technically, but it's fucking better than hetero sex! And she keeps asking me how i can be sure, and she doesn't really pay attention, at least that's how i feel, when i talk about her. And when i told her that i want her to like J, because obviously it's important to me that my best friend likes my girlfriend, and she said it doesn't matter, if i'm happy she'll be happy for me. And then she said that i haven't liked some of her ex boyfriends, and i said yes, cos they treated you like shit! And J treats me really well and is really good for me, and goes out of her way to make me happy, so there isn't any reason why she shouldn't like her.

Ah well. At least I know my other friends are going to make an effort with her. I told H that J's nervous to meet everyone, and she said there's obviously something i like about her, so they're bound to like her too. I love my friends. And T obviously, i just hope she doesn't act weird around J, especially since she's going to be in Beni too. Ah well, we'll see. I probably won't be blogging for quite a while, so i hope everyone has a good few weeks! x

Work, summer, and missing someone.

2009-07-08T09:55:00.002+01:00

Just five days left till T and I go to Spain, where i shall finally see J! I can't wait, it's been 4 weeks since i left Derby, and by the time we finally see each other it'd be almost 5 weeks.

I haven't been doing much since i got back, mainly working. I haven't been out in the evenings much, just cos i can't be bothered! I went out with my brother and T on Monday night and finally had a good night out. We met some Welsh friends of ours who we hadn't seen for 2 years and danced till about 6am.

I've managed to get myself a nice golden tan which i am very happy with, now all i'm looking forward to is going to Spain on Sunday and J coming here 2 weeks later.

There isn't anything else i can think to say, i miss J and i can't wait to see her. Very excited about next week!

Coming out part 2 & TMI Tuesday #193

2009-06-30T23:16:00.002+01:00

1. How many speeding tickets have you had? Accidents?
None, i don't drive.

2. Boxers, briefs or commando?
None, girly pants please.

3. Have you ever had sex in your office or your place of employment?
Yes, but i wasn't working at the time. J and i work in the cinema and we get two free tickets each a week, and she went down on me while we were watching confessions of a shopaholic. The film was crap so we needed some extra entertainment :)

4. Do you or your so own a motorcycle? Do you ever ride one? Do you wear a helmet when you ride?
No, but my ex had one so i have been on one. Only once or twice though, and i did wear a helmet.

5. Ever been skinny dipping?
Loads of times! Its essential in this heat.

Bonus: Ever been arrested? Turned someone in/had someone arrested?
Nopes

Coming out part 2

On Sunday night Moby played in Malta (and Deadmau5, for anyone who might know of him). Unmissable, obviously. I went with T and some of her friends, and spent most of the day at her house beforehand. We had a taxi coming at 8pm and planned to get steaming drunk before, so we opened a bottle of rose at 3.30pm before the others arrived. At about 7pm we opened a bottle of vodka and poured half of it into a plastic bottle and topped it up with orange juice. We met the taxi, piled in and continued drinking till we got there, and then on the way down, somehow the topic turned to J and my sexuality. I can't seem to keep my mouth shut when i'm drunk.

T told me she'd guessed from facebook and twitter (emerging pattern! i always thought we were quite subtle on facebook!) and that she'd asked her dad and Sue who works with us what they thought (ohhh the awkwardness). She also said that my brother mentioned to her that i'd slept with J and that she was waiting for me to tell her myself. She then said that she got a bit offended that i took so long to tell her cos she is my best friend after all. To which i replied that i was really scared she'd act differently towards me and she said as if she would, i'm her best friend, her big sister and she loves me no matter what. Then the conversation got a bit weird.

T said she would never have imagined me to be gay and that she didn't think J looked like my type, from facebook. She thinks she looks too butch for me! Not that there's anything wrong with butch, but J isn't really butch at all, and in my drunken state i started squealing in her defense. T then went on another weird road, where she said she's worried about me being in a relationship with a girl cos she doesn't want me to hurt her. Fair enough. She said what if i'm not sure what if i'm not sure if i'm gay or not and decide that i'm not and then break her heart? I said we've been together for 8 months, if i had wanted cock it would've happened by now. She argued that i still fancy men (which i do) so how can i be sure? It was all rather strange, i wish it hadn't had happened when we were both fucked but at least it's done and she's acting exactly the same as before. I do worry that she won't like J though, which will kill me. She's added J on facebook though, so that's a plus.

J had said, before i'd told more of my friends, that she was worried that they wouldn't like me, but now that they know we're together she's even more worried. I told H this the other day and she said if i like her than they're bound to like her too. I love that girl. So we'll have to wait and see.

I can't wait to see her now. It's been almost three weeks and because she's never been in Malta with me, it also feels as if my relationship with her is just a dream, it almost doesn't feel real anymore. I really can. Not. Wait. Roll on July and Beni!

What a feeling

2009-06-26T00:07:00.003+01:00

I love you more than I dare to tell you because i'm afraid that i love you more than you love me and more than i should. But i love you that much. And i know you love me too but i want you to love me and want me as much as i do you. I do not want you to want anybody else. Just me.

Wednesday Weirdness #60

2009-06-24T13:14:00.002+01:00

1.) To you, what makes the perfect body the perfect body?
The person inside it. Awwww.. Lol but i have often met people with amazing bodies who are such twats that it overshadows their hottness. I find that the more i fall for someone, they become the most gorgeous person in the world to me, whether anyone else agrees or not.

2.) What part of your body do you obsess about the most?
Hmmm in what way? I love my face and my hair, so i try my best to take of them, but i'm not obsessive. Plus i try my best to take care of my whole body. I guess i obsess about my boobs a bit cos i can't stand them.

3.) What makes a house a warm, welcoming, comfortable home?
I hate houses that are overly tidy, or that are really modern or 'simple'. Some people like that but it just doesnt feel like a home. I like homes that are a little mismatchede, with big sofas that look comfortable, and little things everywhere, photos, little things that you would naturally gather throughout your life.

4.) What fabric feels sexiest against bare skin?
It's not fabric, but i love the feeling of hair on bare skin. Even though it can get in the way, i love the feeling of my hair and J's hair on my skin.

5.) What is the lamest lie you have heard in the last month?
Hmmm i don't think anyone's told me an obvious lie in the past month.

6.) What always makes you feel better when you're upset?
It depends who upsets me. Talking to J always cheers me up.

TMI Tuesday #192

2009-06-23T10:40:00.004+01:00

1. Would you stay in a loveless relationship for the amazing sex?
Hmmm, maybe, for a little bit. But probably only because i wouldn't be brave enough to do the breaking.

2. If you could only have one, which would you choose: love that lasts forever or great, body numbing sex?
As much as i love sex, i'm going to have to say love that lasts forever. Too much sex without love (with the same person) can often make you feel like shit. Plus knowing me i'd fall for them and they wouldn't fall for me and i'd end up getting hurt.

3. Looking back at your past loves, which one should you have married/taken back and who should you have tossed earlier than you did?
There are none that i should have taken back, and one who i should have forgotten long before i actually did. We were on and off for about 4 years and in between he went out with one of my best mates, but i was still adamant that we'd get back together at some point. My love life would have been much better if it weren't for him. Grrr. (He's also now with another of my best friends, and they've been together for a couple of years now).

4. if you had one last fuck in you where, how and who would you “give it” to?
At the moment, it would be J. Apart from the fact that i'm completely in love with her, she's the best sex i've ever had. I'd much rather have my lst fuck with her than anyone else.

5. Which is more important sex, money, love and happiness? (and no, you can’t pick’em all)
Hmmm, this would be between love and happiness (even though sex is important obviously). I think i'd have to go with happiness, because you can often have love without having happiness can't you.

Can dreams come true?

2009-06-22T18:44:00.002+01:00

I wanted to blog about this yesterday, but because it was father's day, i didn't have time to.

On Saturday night i dreamt that i came out to my mum. I don't know what triggered the dream, or what i dreamt before and after it. All i know is it was and incredibly realistic dream, so realistic that i woke up thinking it had actually happened. You know how sometimes you dream that you're at your own house, but it doesn't look anything like your house, but it still feels like your house? Or that you're talking to someone you know, but they look nothing like the person they actually are? This dream wasn't even like that.

Because it was a dream, i have no idea how the conversation started or how we got on to that topic. My mother was standing in the doorway to my room. It looked exactly like my room, it WAS my room. I could see the courtyard behind my mother with all the plants and washing and cats and dogs in, exactly like it is in real life. My mother looked exactly like herself. It was so unbelievably realistic.

Somehow we got on to the topic, and i looked at the floor and said i have a girlfriend. My mum said "i thought so" and hugged me and told me it's fine, she loves me no matter what. That's when i woke up, i think anyway. I woke up feeling relieved, so happy that i had finally done it and that she was ok with it. And then i remembered it was all a dream and got up to face the day, that would be full of "no i don't have a boyfriend"s to nosy (even if they mean well) relatives.

Do you think this dream was so realistic because maybe it's actually going to happen? I definitely hope so lol!

ARGH

2009-06-19T17:57:00.003+01:00

I had a massive argument with my mum today. Not because of anything i did, or she did, or something one of us said to the other. It's because she argued with my dad, he went out, and i was the only other person in the house. She stood in the doorway to my room for an hour and a half and screamed at me for an hour and a half. I am not exaggerating. She started at 6pm and didn't stop till 7.30pm. I could go into loads of detail about it but i'm just glad it's over. I was meant to go out and she was going to take me and when i told her i'd rather not go out, she flipped again and said that i was trying to make her feel guilty bla bla. Ah well.

Picture This

2009-06-18T23:46:00.004+01:00

Because i love photos.
I stole this idea from Julie.

A picture of you very drunk.

I had never been (and haven't been since then) that drunk. Half the night does not exist in my memory.

A picture of you on your birthday.

This is my birthday last year, because i don't have any photos on my birthday this year. My hair has grown lots since then, i had only cut it as a change after my ex split up with me. I didn't really like it at the time but now i think it looked cute!

A picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.

A picture of you truly being yourself.

I'm not exactly sure why i chose this, i was having loads of fun fooling around at the end of summer in the rain with my brother.

A picture of you being ridiculous (and drunk for that matter).

This makes me laugh out loud every single time i look at it.

A picture of you showing off a new haircut/color. (This was a hard one cos i haven't had more than a trim in over a year and i don't colour my hair.)

A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.

A picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldnt be more thankful that it is.
I think i can honestly say there is no particular time in my life where i wasn't happy. There are many individual occasions i wish had never happened, but luckily i have no photos of them.

A picture of you with someone you love.

You might recognise these two from the photo above. They're two of my friends who i came out to last night. H is on the far left.

A picture that describes how you'd like to spend every day.

Anywhere as long as she's there.

A picture that makes your heart hurt.
There is only one photo which makes my heart hurt. It's one of my mother, father, brother and me in Disney World. It's in a little disney frame and cos it's so old the only time i tried to take it out some of the photo got stuck to the glass on the front. So it just stays there.

A picture that makes your heart smile.
There are so many! But because J is the only thing that has been on my mind for the last 8 months, and definitely will be in the next few months..

A picture of one of the best nights of your life.

:)

Dutch courage

2009-06-18T13:49:00.003+01:00

Last night was a great night. I couldn't get the shisha bong to work but apart from that it was an evening of splendor! We were on a beach drinking and talking about shit AND i got the courage to tell my friends about J! I'm so happy i did, at long last! I feel so relieved, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If the alcohol hadn't been involved, i definitely wouldn't have had the courage to come out, but now that i have i'm so happy that i did!

There were six of us, and i'm not sure how it came about, but the other three (two of whom already knew about J) went to the toilet, leaving me with H (who's one of my oldest friends, she is also mother of Baby Boy) and N (who's a relatively new friend but she's one of us now). So, as i usually do when i have something big to say, i told H i wanted to tell her something but i couldn't. She pressed and asked "why can't you? why can't you?" so i asked her to guess. Sure enough, without hesitation, she said "you're a lesbian." I mumbled a sound that was meant to signify that i'm not sure, then i said "you know jodie? she's my girlfriend. we've been together for 8 months." She jumped up and came over to hug me and said "i knew it. i knew it" over and over and then she started crying, and is tarted crying, and we were one big hysterical mess. Apparently she'd guessed, just from the posts J left on my wall on facebook. Ah well i'm just glad she knows. Once the other three came back i told A, and then the conversation moved on to the sex! So it went really well, i'm really happy now :). I'm a little bit nervous about when she comes now though, i really want them to like her!

This photo from last night made me laugh out loud.

I'm inside my trousers!

Hope you Thursday's going ok!

Cheering up & Wednesday Weirdness #59

2009-06-17T16:21:00.003+01:00

I'm currently sat at the waterpolo club where i've spent every summer practically since i was born. The sky is perfect blue, the temperature's in the 30s (Celsius, don't ask me bout farenheit lol!) and the sea is just a couple of feet away from me. I'm happy now! I spent the early afternoon at the beach with three of my best friends, i've topped up my tan and i'm drinking an (unfortunately warm) iced tea. Bliss! All that's missing is J! But anyway, i'm happy again.

Yesterday there was a powercut across the whole island. And we didn't have any water either. So my mum and i spent the day doing fuck all, playing with kittens and doing crosswords. You never realise how much you rely on certain things until they're taken away from you. Luckily the electricity came back in the evening, and i have my wonderful laptop back! Yay! And it's been completely cleaned so it's running like a brand new one would be. The battery's lasting longer than 30 minutes and it takes about 5 seconds to load things for me. I'm so happy to have it back, i've apologised to it for even considering buying a new one to replace it. I love you Laptop and always will!

Tonight my friends and i are going to drink on the beach, we're having an Arabian themed night. I have a shisha bong too and i haven't used it yet this summer so i'm dead excited!

Anyway, on to Wednesday Weirdness..

1.) Do you/Did you ever have a piggy bank shaped like a pig? What do you keep your spare change in?
Yes i did. I still do but i don't use it. I usually leave my spare change running around, or in an empty glasses case, or in my little shot glass. Anywhere!

2.) Be honest. Have you ever stolen anything before?
Yes. My brother and i stole chewing gum once and our mum made us give it back. And other things.

3.) Would it be more awkward to be walked in on during sex by your parents or your children?
I don't have children, so i'll say my parents.

4.) How comfortable would you be at a nude beach? Would you keep your clothes on, keep it modest or bare it all?
I wouldn't bare all. And i'd only go topless if i was with friends or my partner and if there were people who looked like they were only there to perv then i wouldn't.

5.) Where is a place that seems fun and sexy to get it on at but in reality probably wouldn't work out very well?
The sea/a pool/any form of water. I haven't had full sex in the sea but i did fool around and it was a bit uncomfortable and i didn't feel very much. Snogging in the sea is ace though.

6.) Do you have sex less in the summer because of the hot temperatures?
Erm, no! That's what fans and ACs are for! It makes the atmosphere even more heated. The only thing i don't like is men get even sweatier in the heat, my ex used to drip all over me, it wasn't sexy. Lucky i have a girlfriend now who doesn't sweat so much!

7.) Have you ever had a dream that was in black and white?
I don't think so.

Bonus: When you have a naughty dream, most often is it usually your partner in the dream with you or someone else?
With J they're mostly about her. It depends on what happened before. If i don't see J for a while, the sex dreams usually involve her. But if i'd just spent loads of time with her it could involve someone else.

Happy Wednesday!

Social Awareness

2009-06-15T23:32:00.002+01:00

Isn't it strange how once you become aware of something, it seems to be all around you? Our friends are Derby are organising a Drag Kings float. Now i'm watching the episode of Sex and the City that centres around mixed genders. There's an artist who photographs drag kings and uses Charlotte as one of his models, and being dressed as a man she is more uninhibited than she usually is. At the same time Carrie is dating a younger bisexual guy and she feels weird about it. A few nights ago i watched one of the episodes where Samantha has a girlfriend. I don't know if it's because i seem more aware of it now, or if it's just weird that everywhere i look there seem to be lesbians or bisexuals. Or maybe it's because people are becoming more accepting of it now. Who knows.

I'm finally starting to enjoy being back home. My mum and my brother aren't talking which is a bit weird and they don't seem too bothered about it, but my dad is really stressing about it. And obviously whenever im alone with my dad he complains about my mum and vice versa. They always seem to be arguing when i'm here and my dad told me today that they don't usually argue so much and it only seems to be when im home that they argue. Thanks dad! I know he didn't mean it that way but that's the way it came out. I'm enjoying the heat though, and finally getting some colour, yay! I really do miss J though, and the sex lol.

Emotional explosions

2009-06-13T14:11:00.003+01:00

I feel like i want to burst but i can't because i'm scared of the consquences. I want to tell my parents and a couple of my closest, best friends (even they still don't know) about J but I still don't have the courage. I read on someone's blog yesterday (i can't remember whose it was, tell me if it was yours!) that someone had once told them that once you get the courage to come out to your parents it means you've truly come to terms with your sexuality. Now i don't know is that's why i can't bring myself to tell them about J, but i don't really think it is.

In England, i have no problem telling people i have a girlfriend. I told most of my friends there straight away, and the others when we had made it official. I have no problem telling strangers that i have a girlfriend, in fact i'm very proud of that fact. However, if people ask me if i'm gay i still stare at them with a blank expression and wonder 'what' i am. Am i gay or bi? Does it really make that much difference? Somehow, to me, i think it does. Even though when people ask me that my answer is usually "i don't want to put any labels on it." Or something along those cheesy, lame lines. It seems like having a girlfriend is one thing, but being gay is another. Fuck knows i'm probably talking shit.

All i know is i feel like i was kind of thrown into this. Willing, of course, but with no experience and no expectations. I had never considered myself bi, always straight, and within a month of meeting J we were together. So even though i've fallen completely in love with her, i haven't really had the time to come to terms with it on my own, if you know what i mean. At the moment i don't really know what i identify myself as, i'm just in love with an amazing person.

I don't know. The reason i'm thinking about this know is because i want to talk about J constantly like a normal girl my age, or anyone really, would want. I want to wear the dress she gave me tonight and tell my mum that she got it for me without her thinking, "fuck how much money did this girl spend on her??" She knows J's gay, so i don't want her to think she's some crazy lesbian stalker, buying me things and taking me places. I want her to know cos i know my mum would appreciate how good she is to me.

I'm not feeling so sad anymore, i've ben back a couple of days and i've spent them sitting on the sofa or at my mum's desk, which is exactly what i wanted. I spoke to J a bit but my credit's finished now plus she's working loads at the moment to have money for Spain and for when she comes here. Plus i'm going to see my friends tonight and my laptop should be fixed, and completely wiped of all the crap (so it's practically going to be a new laptop), by Monday. Yay!

Happy Weekend everyone!

Sunbathing and Alton Towers photos

2009-06-12T17:33:00.003+01:00

Here are some photos from the two sunny days in Derby (we seem to get two scorching days every year and if you don't make the most of them, you've fucked it) and our day at Alton Towers. Apart from the rides, my favourite thing was the aquarium. I tried to take photos but without the flash on most of them came all fuzzy.

J and me in the park

I got to the top of the spider web..

..she didn't!

There was a blowfish in the tank next to her (see what i mean about fuzziness..)

I think we were in the queue for the log flume here..

And here.

There are some other photos that i want to put up but they're a bit more, erm, intimate i guess lol, and since my laptop is still out of action i'm using my mum's. So they're going to have to wait till my laptop's fixed, which hopefully will be soon cos i miss the stupid thing.

Home is where the heart is.

2009-06-12T12:46:00.002+01:00

I'm back home! I'm one year older than i was when i was here last time. And i'm a litle bit sad. But i'll not go into it cos i can imagine how bored you're all getting of my missing J stuff..

Well i got another result back and i got a B+! I'm very happy with that, even though with one more mark it would have been A- and that would have looked even better but anyway. Hopefully if i get between a C+ and B+ on my other two modules then my 2:1 isn't looking so impossible after all!

So that has cheered me up a bit. I'm still petrified about third year though. I emailed the lecturer who's supervising my IS (its Independent Studies, that's dissertation or thesis or whatever you want to call it) because i was meant to get her to physically sign my sign up sheet and then take it to the lecturer who supervises the IS module, but i'm home now and won't be back till September, so that's fucked it hasn't it lol. And i have to get an enhanced CRB which she said could take months to get done. Just brilliant.

Anyway, we had quite a nice last day together yesterday (see i couldn't keep off the subject for long lol). In the morning we carted all my crap from my house to J's friend's house, which took us more than 3 hours, and my shoulders and back are really suffering cos of it now. Once we'd finally got that done we showered and went to meet a couple of friends from work for coffee, where we decided to have cocktails instead to reward ourselves after the long morning. Then we went shopping a bit, well J went shopping. Then we went back to her friends house and waited till it was time for me to leave.

And now i'm here and it's boiling, it's so hot. I'm not used to this heat anymore. Last year i came home in May, so it was still not this hot and got weened into the heat. This year i was just thrown into it. And the heat here is a really damp, humid one, so when it's really hot it feels really stuffy. Anyway, i'm just going to look forward to Beni and for J to come.

Happy summer everyone! Sorry for my depresing tones lol.

emotional polarity

2009-06-10T18:11:00.003+01:00

I'm happy, but not happy at the same time. J took me to Alton Towers for my birthday on Monday, and it was incredible! I absolutely loved it, it was the best birthday present ever! We had such an amazing day, just the two of us with nothing to worry about.

However, as always, an amazing day can't just remain an amazing day can it? Just before we left i went to get my camera out of my back and it was soaked. I had a can of Relentless (which is like Red Bull) in my bag and somehow it had burst and my camera (which i bought over christmas) and my phone (which i got only back in March) were completely soaked. We took the batteries and cards and stuff out and dried them and when we got back to hers i tried to switch them on but they stayed off. Luckily my phone seems to be working again now, but the camera isn't and my laptop's still fucked. Buuttt anyway.

Yesterday J planned a little surprise party for me at K's flat :). They made some epic mexican food. Nachos to start with and then burritos and stuffed peppers. On top of the party and Alton Towers, she also bought me a dress for my birthday, i really can't believe how much she's done for over the past couple of days. The only person who's ever made such a fuss over me on my brithday is my mum! Lol.
The reason i'm feeling a little bit sad is because i'm going home tomorrow. I hated being away from her for a week in Aberdeen let alone not seeing her for a month. Plus i didn't do as well on one of my essays as i thought i would, and i'm a bit upset about it. Luckily we had a presentation to do to and that took my grade up to a C+ but now it's making me worry about all my other grades. Plus i'm in one of those "i can't see the point" moods. I'm looking forward to going home only to see my parents, i really just want to spend the first couple of weeks at home but i don't think my friends would like it. Also i'm not looking forward to having noone know that J and I are together. I've told everyone what she's done for me for my birthday but it's not the same, i really want them to know how amazing she is but i still don't have the guts to tell them. Then i have to start work and even though i enjoy it, work is still work. Then i have to worry about preparing for my final uni year next year, which i am dreading. If i don't get a 2:1 at least i really think my mum will kill me. Then i have to worry about what i want to do after uni cos that's only a year away, and if i want to continue studying i have to apply in October.
Eugh, plus to top it all off i've got my period. Greeaaat. And i'm worried i'm gonna have to pay overwight on my luggage.

I hope everyone else is a little bit more cheerful than i am! I have to go and finish packing all my crap and wait for J to finish work. The one good thing about going home is hopefully i can start blogging regularly again and keeping up with everyone else! Happy Wednesday, and Happy B'day to me lol :)

Wednesday Weirdness #58

2009-06-03T15:54:00.002+01:00

1.) If you had to either shop for your groceries in your underwear only (bra&panties or boxers/briefs/whatever) or run streaking through the mall totally naked for no less than 4 minutes, which will you pick?
Probably shop in my underwear, i run around in my bikini in the summer so i don't think it would be much difference. As long as the underwear isn't transparent lol.

2.) You're having dinner at the inlaws (your boyfriend/girlfriend's parents if not married) and the food is so awful you would rather eat the table cloth. Your mother in law (bf/gf mother) calls you out and asks if there is anything wrong with the food. You can't say you're "just not that hungry" because you had earlier claimed to be "starving" so now, how do you respond to her?
I would eat it anyway!

3.) In the middle of foreplay, your partner asks if you want to try something new. You ask what it is. They want to stick some kind of frozen fruit or vegetable up your anus. How open to trying this are you?
Luckily it doesn't sound like something my partener would want to stick up my arse. If she did though, i'd have to politely decline.

4.) Would you rather have to walk 30 feet over burning hot coals or walk 70 feet over broken shards of glass? Why?
Oh god. Erm, the hot coals, cos i could run, if you walked oon bropken glass it would stick and ouch. I've stepped on broken glass and even one shard isn't pleasant, let alone 70 feet of it.

5.) Would you rather have to have sex with your partner with a room full of your former highschool classmates watching or have sex with your partener in a room full with a mix of each of your former exes watching?
Definitely the exes, mainly cos all my exes are men and sex with J is much better than it was with any of them, so i'd want to show them how shit they were cos none of them made me moan and scream the way she does! Think it would be a bit obvious from their eyes that i'm enjoying it much more with her than i did with them.

Today i am frustrated

2009-06-03T15:10:00.002+01:00

WARNING: This is going to be a very long post lol.

Something's wrong with my laptop. Its got itself stuck in a loop so everytime i switch it on it restarts itself over and over again, continuously. So i got back from Aberdeen on Saturday afternoon, and after spending 7 hours on the train watching films on it, lovely laptop decides not to work. I took into to uni monday morning for the geeky computer people to have a look at it but they couldn't figure it out. I now have to go to PC world, but i don't kow where it is so J's going to take me tomorrow. I'm now at uni using one of the uni computers cos i was getting facebook and blogger withdrawal symptoms.

Sooo Aberdeen didn't go as well as i thought. I think i was overly confident and overly optimistic. I really enjoyed spending time with my aunt and uncle, but i didn't tell her. Or him for that matter but i didn't intend to anyway. When i arrived i thought "no problem, i'll just get some time alone with her voila, it'll all come out." But i didn't really get much time alone with her cos my unvle was on holiday too, if it was just me there i'd have had plenty of opportunity.

She did almost figure it out for herself, but i don't think she'd believe that i have a girlfriend if i didn't tell her upfront. Basically we were in a pub somewhere in the Scottish highlands on Tuesday and J and i had been texting each other since i left Derby practically, mainly dirty texts, all we talked about was sex lol, with the occassional 'i love you so much' chucked in. So J sent me a text along the lines off "i want to fuck the arse off you when i get to Malta." Now my phone won't close the actual message if you don't press the back button all the way to the homescreen, it will keep it open while you do other things and if you click on the messages application it will open the message straight away. So Lal (aunt) picked up my phone and clicked on messages and there was J's message free for her to read. I snatched the phone out of her hand and she started questioning me about who i was texting. I kept insisting that it was J but she wouldn't believe me. I showed her my inbox full of texts from noone but J and she still wouldn't believe me! So i never plucked up the courage after that to tell her.

Apart from that Scotland was great. I saw loads of animals, and i absolutely love animals. I saw cows, highland cows (which are like normal cows but with long fur and horns), loads of sheep, grouse, donkeys, goats, seagulls, alpakas, rabbits, ponies, swans and probably some others. We saw loads of castles, went to museums, climbed a mountain and followed the whiskey trail. We went to a couple of distilleries, the most famous of which is the Glenfiddich distillery. I'm not a big whiskey drinker but from working on bars and in restaurants i know some things about whiskeys, plus we got some free whiskey in the process too!

Since i've been back things have been great, J's parents were still away oon Saturday night so as soon as i got home on Saturday afternoon i had a shower and went to hers. We spent the afternoon in bed having sex and eating, my two favourite things in the whole world done in my favourite thing, bed. Lol, all in all a perfect evening for me. Luckily the weather was really good, till today as it's back to grey and cold. At least we had Monday and Tuesday when it was really really hot, like proper hot, and we went to the park and sunbathed, and yesterday we took a bbq and spent the day there.

I have mnore things to say but this post is going to be too long and i have a short attention span!

I hope everyone had a good week and a half, i'm going to try and catch up on everyone's posts while i have some internet!

Also, its my birthday in 8 days! Yay! :)

Coming out week

2009-05-23T14:14:00.003+01:00

Today i'm going to Aberdeen to visit my aunt and her boyfriend, and my uncle's coming from Malta too. My aunt, Lal, is only 9 years older than me, she's the youngest of my mum's four other siblings and is closer in age to me than any of them. Because of this she's more like my sister than my aunt. We grew up together and were always treated the same by my grandparents and during one of the many spells when my parents split up, we shared a room together. She still calls her room at my grandparents' house 'our' room.

I usually tell her everything, but like most of my family she doesn't know about J yet, so i am determined to tell her this week. She's only going to be in Malta for 2 weeks over the summer, and that's in June, so she won't get to meet J. I really want to tell her this week. Really, really, really want to. Apart from anything else it's going to be really strange moving back home for a few months with people not knowing i have a girlfriend. Mainly because she just makes me so happy and i want people to know that i'm the happiest i've ever been and it's all thanks to her.

Anyway, i have a 7 and a half hour train to look forward to, and i've been really paranoid that i'm going to miss it. Last night i dreamt that i missed it, and then i dreamt that J and i had to me somewhere and we missed whatever it was that was meant to take us there. So yeah i'm a bit paranoid. Mainly cos it will cost me £85 to get there if i miss this train.

Hope you all have a good week! :)

Wednesday Weirdness #56

2009-05-19T23:48:00.003+01:00

1. If your boss says, "I would like to talk to you about your internet usage" what would your first reaction be?
You must be mistaken, unless you are spying on me in my own home in which case i would like to talk to you about your stalkerish nature.

2. If you SO asks you "Does this make me look fat?" how do you answer?
Honestly, but not in a bitchy way. Maybe suggest something i think she looks hot in. Or just say i don't particular like it on her.

3. What is one thing that you pay for, but resent having to do so?
TV License maybe? Fine i watch BBC but all the other channels have almost as many ads as they do actual tv shows.

4. A day is being created in honor of you. How should we celebrate it?
By spending the day doing EXACTLY what you want to do with the people you want to be with the most. Be it swimming, drinking, sleeping, watching tv, reading, skydiving, dancing, anything. Just because i think most people don't get to spend enough time doing things they love, or enough time with the people they love.

5. What CD or Album in your music collection do you secretly enjoy, but would be embarrassed if others heard you grooving to it?
It's gonna have to be Westlife.

6. How long do you think you would last if you were a contestant on Survivor?
We lived for a few years without electricity when i was younger, so i'd like to think i'd get very far.

Wednesday Weirdness

Posted 12 minutes early lol

TMI #187

2009-05-19T07:54:00.003+01:00

1. Have you ever participated in HNT? If so, when? If not, why not?
I've always wanted to, but never had cos i've just never taken a picture i like.

2. Have you ever avoided certain sites because of the HNT pictures that were posted?
Nooo

3. Have you ever posted a HNT picture that you wish that you hadn't?
I never have

4. Do you email/text/call anyone regularly with someone you met through HNT?
Nope

5. What percentage of your online friends are current or former HNTers?
There are a few, i don't know exactly how many though.

6. Does anyone in your "real" life know that you do HNT (if, of course, you do)?
Hmm i don't know actually!

7. Other than previously-known friends, have you met any fellow HNTers?
Nope

8. Have you ever downloaded someone else's HNT pictures?
No

BONUS QUESTION: Have you ever submitted a picture for "...the Other HNT"?
Yes, only once a few weeks ago. (30th April if anyone would like to take a guess)

Discrimination or just plain ignorance?

2009-05-18T18:31:00.003+01:00

J had a doctors appointment this morning and she came back a little bit annoyed. She's been meaning to go for a few weeks and today she finally went. She went in and told the doctor (a woman doctor, if that makes any difference) what was wrong. Here's the main gist of the conversation:

Doctor: Are you on the pill?

J: No

Doctor: Are you using any contraception of any kind?

J: No..

Doctor: Are you trying to conceive?

J: No, I'm gay.

[Confused/bemused look from the doctor]

J: And my girlfriend doesn't have long nails.

Doctor: So what kind of sex do you actually have? (WTF?)

J: Sorry??

Doctor: Manual sex?

J: Err, fingers..

[Conversation continues fairly normally]

Doctor: Have you ever actually had heterosexual sex?

J: Err, yes..

Now, i don't know if this doctor is just extremely ignorant, or if she was being discriminative. J was quite pissed off and she's even considering putting in a complaint. Derby's a very gay friendly community and i don't think she's ever experienced any form of discrimination, at least nothing she ever mentions. I've never experienced anything of the sort, but i'm sure i will when i come out back home.

On a lighter note, J's parents have gone away for a couple of weeks, so we have her house almost to ourselves (her brother's there). It wouldn't really matter, it's just that she has a double bed and i have a single bed, and a proper house with a living room and proper kitchen, which i miss so much living in halls. I'm going to make us lasagna sometime this week cos all my pots and pans are crap and her mum has real ones. Yay :)

Hope you all had a good Monday, i have to study for my exam tomorrow morning, not so yay.

Googles thoughts on me

2009-05-17T12:45:00.002+01:00

A little meme thing I stole off facebook because, as usual, i am procrastinating.

Q. Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search.

write the most amusing results not the first one that came up... enjoy.

A: Sophie needs to study. (HA!)
A: Sophie looks like Alice?!
A: Sophie says 'All you need is love'
A: Sophie wants a bone. (LOL - there were a lot of funny ones for this)
A: Sophie does downward dog.
A: Sophie hates THE WELSH. (and that is somewhat true!)
A: Sophie asks: What is Positive Psychology?
A: Sophie likes cake. A lot. (that's exactly how it is on google lol)
A: Sophie eats weed stems.
A: Sophie wears her crown napkin ring.
A: Sophie was arrested after showdown with ex..
A: Sophie loves to hula at the luau.

More good boobie news!

2009-05-16T12:31:00.002+01:00

My doctor rang me on Thursday to tell me she'd got me a surgeon referral. Yay! I have to pick it up from the surgery reception and ring the surgeon and make an appointment and he'll take all my body measurements etc. I'm so frickin excited now!! xD

I have an exam on Tuesday, which i am NOT prepared for and i can't be bothered to study (as usual). Next Saturday i'm going to Aberdeen to stay with my aunt for a week, we'll call her Lal :). My uncle, M, is coming up from Malta too so it's going to be a mini family reunion outside the country. I'm really excited, i went to Aberdeen for a couple of days last year and it's an amazing city. It's full of old buildings made of granite (i think..) and old streets, hilly streets lol, with small traditional pubs hidden in back alleys. So yeah i'm excited about that..

I'm kind of looking forward to going home. Well, i am obviously. Good food, good friends, and good family. But I won't see J for more than a month, probably almost 2 months. She's going to Beni in July too, but there are going to be thousands of people there so chances of us finding each other are quite slim. But anywaysssss. We have a few weeks left before i leave. Plus there are too many things to be excited about for me to be sad about anything :D.

Should i be flattered?

2009-05-13T13:25:00.004+01:00

I haven't posted a proper post in a while, mainly cos i haven't had much to post about. J and i had an alcohol-fueled argument (she was drunk, i just had a headache) on Saturday night, and i was going to post about it, but she apologised first thing Sunday morning. It wasn't just alcohol, but anyway, i won't go into it cos luckily it happens very rarely.

Apart from that, everything's been good. We were both at work yesterday, except she finished at 9pm and i was on till close. While she was changing out of her uniform i was clearing a table and i was walking down through the bar a guy stopped me and asked me "are you from Malta?" which really confused me, cos nobody ever recognises my surname cos it's 'foreign' to them. So i said yes, i am, and he said he recognised me because he'd been in the restaurant before. After a couple of minutes i remembered him too, and he had been really flirty with me the first time he came in. Anyway, he started asking me about work and what time i'm on till and then he asked me when i'm not working. I said i don't usually work during the week, just on weekends, to which he replied, can i take for a drink some day? I told him sorry, i have a girlfriend, and the look on his face was priceless! He stared at me for a second then looked away and said "i need to think about that one for a second." Ok.. to steer the conversation away from me i asked them if they wanted anything else and his friend replied "are you on the menu?" and then burst out laughing! I said no, sorry.. Made some more conversation and then walked away and avoided them till they left. The cheek!

J stayed over last night and had to be at work at 9.30am, and when i woke up a couple of hours later and went to check my morning appearance in the mirror, i found this:

She's so cute! She calls me pupface from the word pupa which means 'little doll' in Maltese and Italian. I used to call her pupa at the beginning of our relationship, and now she calls me pupa. :)
I have to admit that after the initial "awww she's so amazing" thoughts, i began to wonder how am i going to get that off my mirror without smudging black everywhere? Lol, i haven't tried to remove it yet though cos i love it :).

Wednesday Weirdness #55

2009-05-13T12:58:00.003+01:00

1.) What are your least favorite sounds?
Nails scratching against chalk, faint beeping sounds, very loud sounds.

2.) Do you enjoy reading infidelity blogs? Why? If you don't, is there any reason why you don't?
I never have.

3.) If you could make one frivolous purchase right now without expense being an option, what one thing would you go buy?
My own plane plus pilot so i wouldn't have to worry about taking all my things home over the summer and being overweight and having to pay £15 per kilo.

4.) Have you ever gotten drunk and then gotten behind the wheel to drive?
Nope i don't drive

5.) As an adult, have you ever been caught having sex by someone you didn't ever want to catch you in the act?
No, not yet anyway thank god!

6.) If your current significant other wound up in jail for no less than 5 years but didn't kill or physically harm anyone, would you wait for them or move on?
I'd probably wait. Depends on why she'd wound up in jail.

7.) If you had to participate, would you rather be in a mud wrestling competition or a JellO wrestling competition?
JellO!

Wednesday Weirdness

TMI Tuesday #186

2009-05-13T12:51:00.002+01:00

1. Which traits from your parents do you see in yourself?
Impatience, and selfishness sometimes.

2. Which traits from you/your partner do you see in your children (if you don't have kids, which would you like to see)?
Her humour and her caring nature.

3. How did you get the birds-and-bees talk?
My mum just sat me down and said "if you're going to do anything, make sure you tell me before you do and i'll help you prepare yourself." I can't remember the proper first talk about where babies come from though.

4. What was your favorite childhood book?
Books i used to read or books that were read to me? Noddy was always a favourite bedtime story, and when i was younger i must have read A Little Princess once a week for ages.

5. What is your favorite piece of erotic literature?
I don't read any particular one.. i don't read very much erotic lit in fact.

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a child?
Don't accept anything less than the best.

Double Bonus: If your life were a book or movie, what would the title be?
Oh, erm.. Something to do with living on an island and then moving away..

It's almost over

2009-05-09T10:06:00.001+01:00

I handed in my essay on time, yay! I have one exam left, on the 19th, then my summer officially starts :) Yay xD

Today, like all other days

2009-05-07T21:49:00.004+01:00

I am procrastinating. Except the essay is due in tomorrow and i haven't even done the reading for it yet. *Blush*

Anyway, i am too excited about the prospect of not actually having any work to do. J and I were meant to be going to Birmingham this weekend but we can't afford it, but at least we have the weekend off to spend some time together. We spend a lot of time together, but it's usually at work or at home after work. Even though i love it when she stays over, even if it is just a sleepover, then we go off to work during the day and meet up again in the evening. She's at work till 1am now then she's coming here after.

I think night times and mornings are my favourite parts of the day with her. This morning i woke up and turned over to face her, i put my arm around her and she opened her eyes, looked at me and a massive smile spread across her face.
Last night we got into bed and she cuddled up against me, with her face nestled in my neck and her arm tightly around me and she fell asleep while i was watching tv. She looked so gorgeous, i wish i'd my camera handy so i could show you all how lovely she looked.

Anyway, enough with the soppy stuff. Here's a meme I nicked off Jess I am. You're meant to tag people and stuff, but i'm only doing it to avoid my work some more!

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

1. Going to sleep with J.

2. Waking up next to J

3. Finishing this essay

4. Possibly having a breast reduction!

5. Summer - the Maltese sun mainly

6. Benicassim Music Festival 2009.

7. J coming to Malta

8. Going to Aberdeen

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Watched Chelsea being cheated out of the Champion's League Final :(

2. Had a giggle with J.

3. Wasted a lot of time

4. Went to the library at uni.

5. Considered getting a hamster

6. Drank a pint of beer

7. Ate a plate of chips and cheese

8. Avoided responsibilities (essay, laundry, dishes, shower, vacuuming etc.)

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Sing

2. Dance

3. Travel the world

4. Will my boobs smaller/back to bigger depending on my mood

5. Play the piano

6. Come out to my family and the rest of my friends

7. Finish this essay

8. Get a job that pays loads after i graduate

8 Shows I Watch:

Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Eastenders, The Hills, ANTM, QI, Big Bang Theory, Hollyoaks.

Voila.

Wednesday Weirdness #54

2009-05-06T12:48:00.002+01:00

1.) Name 3 people in history whom you would invite to a dinner party?
Marilyn Monroe, Jesus and Anne Frank.

2.) Are there any conspiracy theories that you believe could be true?
Nooooo not really

3.) What's a weapon that you feel suits your personality?
My sarcasm, it can often stop me getting into arguments because i say how i feel and they blame it on my humour!

4.) If you had to let someone off of a cooking show prepare a meal for you and your family, who would you pick and why?
Gordon Ramsey definitely. Number 1, he seems to be a pretty damn good chef. No 2., he's hot.

5.) What brand of sliced sandwich bread do you buy most often?
Warburtons

6.) How often do you try new things in bed?
We try new things quite often, but we usually end up in the same position anyway lol no matter how we start off.

In other news..
I finished my analysis at 5am last night. It was really easy in the end and if i had just started it and if i wasn't so easily distracted i would have been able to finish it much earlier. But anywaysss.

Also, i have work at 6pm tonight but i rang in sick so i can go and watch the football. Muahahahaha. Serves the bastards right for cutting down my hours. I can do it cos they are MY hours, they can't.

Boobs

2009-05-06T02:53:00.002+01:00

One more thing, when i was wasting precious time yesterday i decided to google breast reduction, for probably the 150th time in my lifetime (i have been very excited since my visit to the doctor, even though nothing has been said since then) and i stumbled across this video. I sometimes feel sorry for myself because of the abnormal size of my boobs, but geez, i can't imagine what it would be like to be in this woman's skin. Luckily because i'm still young my boobs are probably as perky as they can be for their size and weight, but this video shows just how age and gravity work together against our lovely breasts. If i needed any more encouragement, this video certainly helped.

Anger, frustration, determination

2009-05-06T02:45:00.002+01:00

It's 2.44am and i'm finally managing to get some work done. Hopefully i'll finish this before the morning so i can just touch touch it up tomorrow then have 2 days to work on my other assignment. Then Friday it'll finally be over, bar one exam.
I thought i'd give you a taster, sorry if it bores you lol but then you can imagine what i'm going through haha.

Analysis
Theme 1: Negative emotions
Throughout the text, Michael J. Fox seems to be expressing a great deal of frustration and anger, which seems to mainly be aimed towards the media and the government. On top of those two main emotions he also gave off a sense of annoyance and resentment.

Frustration
In every reading of the transcript, the main emotion coming through the text is that of frustration. Michael J. Fox begins by discussing his frustration when in 2000 he wrote a letter to then-Governor Bush. His frustration is clearly apparent when he explains that the President did not help with the stem cell research.

“..with one veto of his presidency chose to veto that, it really stung in the hearts of a lot of people counting on this.” (1: 11-12)

On top of that, he also appears to be frustrated with his medication and the effect they have on him. He admits that the symptoms can be hard to take.

“I go through a million cycles.. Sometimes it kicks in too hard and then you get what you call dyskinesia, which is that rocking motion.” (1:16-19)

The frustration seems to stem from the fact that medicine is unpredictable and he can never tell how bad the symptoms are going to be or when they are going to set in.

“It works with horrible side effects… But on any given day, I can’t design where I’m going to be at any given time. You just take the meds and hope for the best.” (1: 25-28)

I've written 500 words, which means 1000 to go. Yippeeeeeeeeeeee

Nothing will suffice

2009-05-05T21:26:00.002+01:00

I have two assignments due in on Friday, and i've barely started either of them. I can't focus at all. You may have noticed, if you've read some of my posts, that i get bored really easily, i have a very short attention span and i am an expert procrastinator. Last minute work is my specialty. I have to analyse a transcript between Michael J Fox and Katie Couric from CBS for one of them, and i can't find anything in the text except frustration, frustration, frustration. He may not even be frustrated, but i really do not have the head for this.

The interview is hereif anyone would like to have a gander.

I really wish J could come over and we could get into bed, cuddle and watch crap tv together!

TMI Tuesday

2009-05-05T13:29:00.003+01:00

1. Have you ever bought a membership to a porn site? If yes, what is the most recent one and did you like it?
Nope, free porn all the way

2. Would you rather watch a erotic/porn movie, read a story, or listen to an audio? Why?
Depends what i'm in the mood for. If it's just porn for porn's sake, i'd watch something. But if i just want something to make me feel good, i'd probably do some reading.

3. If you have a significant other what do you do for each other to get in the mood? If you don't what would you kind of thing could a future potential long term partner do to get you in the mood?
If we're not around each other, we send quite a lot of naughty texts, telling each other what we want to do to the other, and then we end up all over each other when we do meet. If we are together then it usually involves a lot kissing and hands everywhere.

4. When it comes to sex, how much do you talk about it with others? How comfortable are you talking about sex?
I feel quite comfortable talking about sex. Especially to other people who are open about it. If someone doesn't appear comfortable talking about sex then i won;t want to talk to them about it.

5. What are the last 5 things you searched for on Google (or another search engine)?
Errr i have no idea..

Bonus: Have you ever had a fantasy that you were ashamed of?
No, no that i can remember.

Every time we kiss, I can't think straight

2009-05-04T22:25:00.001+01:00

I don't know if i actually like the song, but the lyrics are just too sweet.

The complicated nature of homesickness

2009-05-04T16:31:00.002+01:00

When i was on my break at work yesterday, my mum rang me. My brother turned 18 last week and he went away for a couple of days with his friends so yesterday my mum had a small thing for him and just his close friends at home. Basically after she range me i started to feel really homesick. I really just wanted to have a little cry but i was at work so i couldnt. I finished work at 9pm so A and i went for a drink and then i went to meet J cos she was out with her mates. I was already a bit tipsy and we went to her mate's house and they opened some wine. Everyone left except me and J's best friend (the one i've mentioned in the last couple of posts). She and i have become quite close because she spends loads of time with J and so do i obviously. So somehow we started talking about family and our past and stuff while drinking loads of wine. After a long heart to heart we went to meet the others and i bought a couple more beers, i was rather drunk by this point.

I was really having fun and then all of a sudden i started feeling homesick. It was probably there but aggravated by the alcohol. So i went up to J and said i want to go home, i'm feeling homesick and she said ok she'd come with me, but she was pissed too, more than i was i think. As soon as we left i started crying and i did not stop all fucking night. I am such a twat. When we were walking back we bumped into this guy who's girlfriend slept with J at some point. He was obviously drunk too and he kept chanting "she slept with my girlfriend, she slept with my girlfriend" while his friends tried to hold him up and just laughed in the background. J got really agitated and ended up punching him and i was bawling my fucking eyes out. I was quite surprised none of them turned on her when she punched him so we just walked off while he was still chanting in the background.

When we got back i kept crying and we argued a bit cos i kept saying she doesn't understand what it's like for me and she doesn't know what it's like to feel homesick. In the ended we had a kiss and cuddle and got over it and went to sleep, but now i'm feeling rather hangover. And its past 5 in the afternoon. It was a very strange night, no wonder i haven't been drunk for almost 3 months, i always bloody well end up crying.

I'm looking forward to the weekend, we might not go to birmingham cos we can't afford it but we still have the weekend off to spend together, so fingers crossed it'll be a nice weekend!

It really was one of those days

2009-05-03T00:36:00.002+01:00

Noone tipped me at work today. I'm not happy. I usually get about £20, sometimes i even get £40, but it's just been ridiculous lately. One woman got up and told my tips were on the table, and i went to the table and there was nothing there! How horrible is that! She must've been taking the piss! Twat.

Also, in my post on Friday i mentioned that J and i spent the night at her friend's house. Well her friend didn't know, and she asked me about it today and i said yeah we did, and she's not so mad, but i feel so bad. I don't want anything to happen between J and her cos they're best friends and it would be horrible if they fell out cos of this. I feel so so bad.

Lizzy the Lezzy quiz

2009-05-02T16:45:00.001+01:00

Take the Lizzy the Lezzy Muff Muncher Quiz!

Lol!

Today

2009-05-02T14:05:00.003+01:00

..is one of those days. I'm not very happy, cos i was meant to be in work from 12.30 till 10.30, so i went at 12.30 and i couldn't clock in. So i found a manager and asked wtf can't i clock in, it says i'm on at 12.30 and i'm here. So apparently they'd taken me off the rota and put me on 6 till 10 instead cos it was dead. They'd rung me in the morning, but i was asleep, and i had no credit to ring them back. But god, if i don't tell them it's ok they have no right to just cancel a ten hour shift for me. It wasn't even a fucking measly short shift, it was a long one and i need the money. I said this to one of the managers and he said "oh i can't afford to have people on", which is fair enough, but why give people shifts when you don't intend to keep them on?? I'm so pissed off, if i didn't need the money i wouldn't go in later but i need the money.

For fuck's sake. I hate working there, i can't wait to graduate and get a proper job. I have a nine hour shift tomorrow, i bet they'll try and send me home early.

On a lighter note, actually there isn't anything light i can think of. I woke up with J next to me which is always good but she had to be in at 9.30am so that was short-lived too. Fuckers.

I am so so tempted to not go in later but i have to. Eugh.

Actually there is one thing i wanted to show everyone today. It's Lizzy the Lezzy. She's a little animated lesbian and she has a youtube show, and she's rather hilarious. She cheered me up a bit.

The relief

2009-05-01T16:04:00.002+01:00

Oh my god, i almost had a premature heart attack yesterday. After spending a week writing this stupid essay on schizophrenia, i thought i'd lost it. Luckily i'd just saved it in the wrong folder, but my god. I have never been so scared in my life. I thought i was going to have to stay up all night and rewrite the fucking thing cos it was due in today. Luckily i found it, so i took J out for dinner to celebrate and we spent the night at her friend's house, in a double bed! Ahh the luxury!

I still feel so completely happy with her, being with her just makes me excited about everything and anything. Next weekend we're going to Birmingham for our friend's birthday and i can't wait :). Unfortunately i have a research proposal and an interview analysis in for Friday, so i have to get those done before i can think about Birmingham. Boo

If anyone would like to read my essay, i'm rather happy with it, they can do by clicking here. It's about antipsychotic drugs and schizophrenia.

I have to have a shower and go to work. Yay.

What would you do?

2009-04-29T20:36:00.003+01:00

Most of my friends still don't know about J. My best friend T (who i mentioned a few posts back) doesn't know and she's one of the people i'm scared to tell the most. I don;t know why it is, but i am. She's like my baby sister but at the same time we've ended up snogging on drunken nights out. I think i'm worried she'll think i fancied her and think that i snogged her because of that.
Anyway, T and i (and two of her friends) are going to Benicassim music festival in Spain this summer, which i am insanely excited about :D.

There are 11 weeks and 1 day until Festival Internacional de Benicassim 2009

J and her best friend are also going and we plan to meet up while we're both there. Now i go home on 11th June, Beni's between 13th and 23rd July, so this would basically be the first time we'd have seen each other in more than a month. I mentioned to her best mate that when i went to see them i would go alone, and i think J got offended. I tried to explain that if my friends don't know about us yet, i'd rather find her on my own. Can you imagine how weird it would be to meet your girlfriend for the first time in more than month and have to act like you're not together? Thinking about it now makes me want to cry, i can't imagine what it's going to be like. I hope to have told T by the time we go to Beni, but if i haven't i'd rather meet J alone and be able to at least give her a hug and a kiss. She hasn't replied to my last text. She's been really understanding about the fact that i've hardly told anyone back home yet so this has come as a bit of a surprise to me. I also asked her what she'd do when she comes home to visit me in August. I haven't told my parents yet and she's asked me not to tell them till after they meet her. Fair enough, i understand why and i think it's a good idea cos i think they'll love her and i don;t want them to judge her. But isn't this the same thing? Will she get offended if don't hold her hand in front of my parents like i wouldn't in front of my friends?

Hmmm i don't know. Any wise opinions? At least wiser than mine!

Love, life and work

2009-04-29T12:43:00.005+01:00

I realise i haven't written any proper updates, i've just been filling in memes. Nothing much has happened really, apart from the doctor thing. I worked most of the weekend, which was crap cos it was a nice weekend weather-wise so noone wanted to go to the cinema, or eat inside a building with no natural light.

I've probably mentioned before that i work in a cinema. It's a fancy thing (at least it's meant to be) and there's a restaurant inside it, which is where J and I work. I'm a waitress. There's also another bar which has it's own screens and its meant to be a bit fancier than the rest of the cinema (it's called the director's lounge). The service should be better, you can take food and alcohol into the film, and the atmosphere is meant to be different. The only problem is tickets cost about £15 so unless there's a really good film on, its not very busy. Now in our restaurant we have a nice big 42" LCD tv, which we can watch when there's noone in (which at the moment is most of the time). In director's however, there is nothing. Just depressing music. It is so boring in there when it's not busy. And on Saturday i had a 10 hour shift in there. OH MY GOD. It was painful. Luckily i was sent home early but for 7 and a half hours i did fuck all. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. I was in again on Sunday, but luckily back in 'our' restaurant. Again, in 5 hours i think i served 6 people.

Things with J and i are still really good. We've been together for 6 months now and this is fast becoming my longest, most serious, and probably best relationship ever. When i think about it, it still seems strange to me that the person i've found is a woman. Not that it matters, but you know, i wasn't expecting to meet a man let alone a woman. I guess it shows that you never know what to expect.

One way that i can tell that she really does love me is football. Yes, football. I mean soccer, not american football. So i'm an obsessive Chelsea fan, and last night there was a match on and J came along with me and she really got into it! Until a couple of months ago, she refused to come with me because she doesn't like football, and now she's willingly coming along with me. And she's also admitting that she's starting to enjoy it too!

We seem to finally be getting used to sleeping in a single bed together too lol. We used to sleep ok, but we'd wake up a lot in the middle of the night and we'd have quilt steling and space stealing problems. I think we're used to it now cos we both have enough space, enough quilt, and we both sleep through the night now. By the time i get back to Derby after the summer she'd have moved in with her best friend, who lives in town, so it means we'll finally have a double bed. We do stay at hers sometimes but not often because she lives in the suburbs not in the town centre, which is where i live. So its easier for the both of us because of work and uni if she stays here.

Anyway, i'm going to make some food and then continue my schizophrenia essay. Ponder this:

To what extent does the use of antipsychotic drugs as treatment for schizophrenia inform us about its underlying cause?

That's the question i have to answer. It's quite straight forward, i just have to get down to it and hopefully i'll have it finished by tonight. Fingers crossed!

Wednesday Weirdness #53

2009-04-29T12:00:00.002+01:00

1. Is there a particular smell that turns you on? If so what is it?
J's perfume, and any smell that reminds me of her.

2. Have you ever tried or considered trying a Master Cleanse type method to lose weight?
No, luckily i've always been quite slim and happy with my body (except the boobs, but thats a completely different story).

3. When you browsing a book store for reading material, do you find yourself checking out a book solely based on the cover design?
Yes, most of the time i think.

4. Which 80's trend were you least happy to see come back this year; big shoulder pads or neon?
Defnitiely big shoulder pads. ERROR.

5. How long do you think could you disappear for until someone would notice your absence and start looking for you?
A day probably, i think my mum and J would definitely realise. I'd like to think so anyway!

6. Have you ever walked out of a movie and asked for your money back? Which movie(s) and why?
No i haven't..

7. Have you ever changed your plans because of something you read in your horoscope?
No, but my horoscope has made me worry about things.

TMI Tuesday.. because i should be writing an essay about schizophrenia

2009-04-28T15:38:00.003+01:00

My first TMI..

1. Have you ever had angry sex?
I don't think so.. Make up sex, yes, and rough sex, but never angry sex.

2. Pity sex?
Errm, again, no.

3. "Oh well, I might as well" sex?
Yes, on a one night stand last year. Eewww

4. One-of-you-knew-it-was-goodbye-and-the-other-didn't sex?
Yes, when he knew it was goodbye and i didn't. Wanker. He claimed he didn't know that he was going to break up with me when i asked him why he'd spent the weekend having sex with me without even mentioning he wanted to split up. I'm very glad i'm with a woman now.

5. Don't-remember-having-it sex?
Yes, not many, but yes. J and i both don't remember the first time we had sex together. We were both drunk and nervous, i'd never slept with a girl before and she says she was nervous too.

6. Regret-it-afterward sex?
Yes, see question 3. I caught a train back to Derby at 2am and cried all the way.

7. Can't-remember-his/her-name sex?
Nope.

8. Never-knew-his/her-name sex?
Ooooh no.

Bonus: What was the worst single sexual experience of your life?
I think i spoke about this in wednesday weirdness last week or the week before. A guy i was fooling around with basically shoved his cock into my mouth and face-fucked me. Literally. I was 17 at the time and had only given on BJ before (to him in fact, when i was 14) and it had scarred me for life and i never wanted to do it again. I told him i didn't want to, and his reaction was to uninvitedly put his cock in my mouth.
Also, the question 3 and 6 one night stand.
I couldn't tell whether it was in or not, while he was thrusting away on top of me :/

BOREDOM

2009-04-27T21:51:00.002+01:00

I. Am. So. Bored. I'm meant to be writing a critical summary of an article, which is due in tomorrow. I know it won't take me long, but i can't be bothered. It's a Monday night and everyone else is out drinking, and i might as well be there too cos i'm not actually getting any work done.

I am insanely bored, crazy, madly bored. Its too much! I can't be bothered, i just want the uni year to be over!

I'm going to get back to avoiding my article on cognitive complexity and attentional control. Yay.

I'd cheat a priest just to get to you

2009-04-26T15:40:00.000+01:00

Great news on the boobs front!

2009-04-26T01:13:00.002+01:00

Anyone who's read my trouble with boobs post would know that i have a slight problem with my boobs.

So, yesterday (Friday technically) i went to the doctor to talk about my boobs and luckily it was a woman this time (i go to the uni practice and i don't really care who i see as long as i get seen asap). So i went in and she asked me about my back and i said to be honest i'm here cos i want a breast reduction. I told her i was referred to a physio last time but on the NHS website it says that you only need a surgeon's referral and psychologist's referral. I also told her that the physios were taking the piss and i stopped going. Fair enough she said and she checked what the criteria were for a breast reduction. She said she wasn't sure so she made a few quick phone calls and said she doesn't see any reason why i should be refused one. The main criteria is that your BMI is lower than 30 and mine is well below that yet my boobs are still mahoosive. She thinks he might have to take some measurements and she'll call me back in if she does, but if not, she's going to start the process :D. I'm so excited! xD I may actually have normal sized boobs and look like a normal 20 year old this time next year! Maybe later cos it's my final year of uni and all next year, but at least it;s actually gonna happen!! :D

In other news, i saw "I Love You, Man" today and i think it is brilliant. Fucking hilarious! Proper laugh out loud funny.

Also, my room smells of cigarette smoke even though i don't smoke and it's a non smoking room. I've only kust got back from work (its 1.30am) and i'd left the window open all day, so i reckon the person next door was sitting smoking on their window sill and blowing their lovely smoke into my room.

Anyways, i'm off to bed. I'm very excited!!!

I'm happy now

2009-04-23T22:15:00.002+01:00

J's coming round for the night. I'm so easily pleased :)

And cos i know she's coming over soon, i've done loads more of my essay. That's the kind of motivation i needed lol!

Everlasting boredom

2009-04-23T20:51:00.003+01:00

My essay's due in tomorrow and i haven't finished it yet and i just can't seem to focus on it. I feel like a social hermit, all i do is go to uni, work and back home. I haven't even seen J since Friday, except for like half an hour at uni on Monday, cos she's been at home writing her dissertation.

I. Can't. Be. Bothered!

I don't understand anything and i definitely don't enjoy this part of psychology. I just need to get it over with and move on to the next one. And obviously cos i've not been doing very much i don't really have anything to blog about!

Also, my back's been worse than it's been for a long time. I think it's aggrevated by the stress (as well as the boobs). It's the kind of pain where if you move too much, you end up stuck in that position. Like an 80 year old woman. And i'm 19.

On the upside, i have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and i'm going to practically beg for them to give me a breast reduction. Fingers crossed!

Something else that annoyed me last night..

2009-04-22T10:30:00.003+01:00

Ok, so i wasn't in a good mood last night. My gf promised she would come see me and she didn't. Breaking promises isn't something that goes down well with me. Then i started thinking about the ex bla blaa..

Then T, oh T. I love her, she's my best friend and she's like a baby sister to me. I've always been there for her, whenever she's drunk and passed out her friends bring her to me and i spend the rest of my evening nursing her until it's time to go home. Now Moby's coming to Malta in the summer, and tickets are on sale now. I'm not there to buy a ticket obviously, so i asked T if she could buy me one and i'd pay her back when i got home in June. She said she wouldn't be able to pay for more than one, so i should transfer my money to her and then she'd buy it for me. Fair enough. But yesterday (now remember, i'm 19, i'm hormonal, i was already angry, and even though it seems like an overreaction, it was just a number of things that annoy me) i was on facebook, and i noticed she wrote on His wall (Read my Dear Good Friday post to read all about T and Him) telling him she'd buy him a ticket to Moby. Eugh i'm such a baby.

Wednesday Weirdness #52

2009-04-22T10:09:00.003+01:00

1.) What items (if any) do you get embarrassed to purchase?
It used to be condoms. But i haven't bought any in ages. Like a year and a half.

2.) What sexual position do you and your partner/significant other use most?
Erm, i guess it would be the lesbian equivalent of missionary.

3.) Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off or do you slip them on and off?
Slip them off, then untie and re-tie the shoes when i put them back on.

4.) What is the last thing you broke by accident?
I have no idea. That's good! Hope this doesn't jynx me though....

5.) If you had to lose one of your body parts what would it be and why?
A finger, cos it wouldn't show too much.

6.) How do you feel about anal sex?
I've never tried it, and it doesn't seem very appealing. But i gues i can't knock it till i've tried it can i. At least that's what i'm told.

7.) If you could have the ability to solve problems quickly and easily or the ability to know without doubt every time a person told a lie, which ability would you want and why?
Probably the ability to know when people are lying. I have a bit of a phobia about being lied to. I get paranoid that whoever i'm with will make a fool of me. I'm a trusting person, it's just if i suspect something (which isn't very often) then i'll want to find out asap. And i'm usually right, which isn't always a good thing.

In other news...

J didn't come over last night, and i was really looking forward to seeing her cos i'd spent the day inside trying to read about IPA and DP. Ah wellllll.

Plus last night i realised how insecure i feel sometimes. Basically worries that she'll get bored of me, or find someone who she'd rather be with. My ex broke up with me to be with someone else, and he lied about it (that's where the lying paranoia came from). So i had a bit of a cry because i'm such an idiot, and i've woken up and my eyes are massively swollen! Fucking men :@

Oh Mother

2009-04-21T19:24:00.001+01:00

I love you, so much.

But you piss me off, so much.

An essay comparing and contrasting the theoretical background of DP with that of IPA.

2009-04-21T17:26:00.004+01:00

Interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) and discursive psychology (DP) are two of the most prominent methods of research analysis in qualitative methods. Smith (2008) states that “the aim of IPA is to explore in detail how participants make sense of their personal and social world.” On the other hand, DP is “an approach that treats psychology as an object in and for interaction” (Potter, 2005).

I. Cannot. Concentrate. At. All. This is essay is due in Friday and all I've done is half the introduction, which is absically a couple of quotes strung together with a few well-suited words. I saw J yesterday but only for about half an hour at uni. I haven't seen her since Friday before that, and all i can think about is when she comes over later! And when we go to Birmingham in two weeks for other J's birthday. And staying at hers when her parents go away. And going to Beni in July. And J and the others coming to Malta in August. Basically anything except my essay on interpretative phenomenological analysis and discursive psychology (took me about 5 minutes to write that sentence).

Also, as you may or may not have realised from my last few posts, i can't stop thinking about sex. With J. She's at home writing her dissertation, and all we seem to talk about when we're not together is sex. Which doesn't relly help seeing as we're both really busy at them moment and we can't see each other as often as we normally do. It's driving me insaaane!

This doesn't really help either.

Parental advisory: Slightly explicit content

2009-04-21T00:06:00.003+01:00

The urban myth of female ejaculation. I'd seen it in porn and heard about women could do it, but i always thought it was something that only happened to porn stars who somehow managed to train themselves to do it (which you can apparently). But lately, it's been happening to me. Me! It happened the first time J and i had sex after i got back, and the second, and the third... Etc, etc, i think you get my drift! It made me very curious, because J doesn't seem to be doing anything different, and neither am i. We were having a chat about (lol) after the last time it happened, so being very internet-dependent, i googled it.

Wikipedia's definition:
Female ejaculation (colloquially known as squirting or gushing[1]) refers to the expulsion of noticeable amounts of clear fluid by human females from the paraurethral ducts through and around the urethra during or before orgasm.

Through the urethra! It made me think, oh shit, i am practically peeing in her mouth every time i come now?? It's a little bit disturbing!
Is it sexy? Is it disgusting? Is it neither? Can i learn to control it? Should i try and learn to control it? Or should i just take it as a sign that the sex is just getting better? Who knows..