Wow, i haven't written anything for ages. I always log on, read other people's blogs and remain ambiguous. Things haven't changed much since I last posted, we're still together and still crazy about each other, though we did have a blip in between then and now. General life seems to get in the way of more important things. I'm home for christmas now and i miss her like crazy.
J graduates in one month, which I am really excited about, I'm extremely proud of her and I can't wait to spend the day celebrating with her. She finished uni in June and hasn't been able to find a proper graduate job, so she's been working at the cinema, but full time hours, which makes her miserable cos it is shit working there. I work 10 hours a week and its enough to make me want to scratch my eyeballs out, i admire her for sticking out 40+ hours a week, and being treated like shit. She's also constantly broke, she moved out of her parents' and in with her best mate a couple of months ago, but can't really afford it, so she barely manages to pay her bills and rent every month. It's kind of because of this that we had our little blip, though after it happened we both think it did us good.
I think we weren't used to being around each other so much after the summer. I'd been away for 3 months, and apart from the 3 weeks when she was in Malta and the week in Beni, we didn't see each other much. So when i got back to Derby, she was still living at home so we had to stay in my single bed in halls, which we did all last year, but we weren't used to it anymore, and we weren't spending the night together as much as we used to, or as much as i wanted. So for a week things were a bit weird between us, and one morning she said she needed space, but by the evening she'd texted me saying she didn't need space at all, she was just stressing about finances, and things went back to normal for a few days. Then i started to feel like she didn't want me around, we were hardly seeing each other, hardly spending the night together, and hardly having sex, which was weird for us. As i was leaving hers one day i started crying and told her that i feel like she didn't want me around, and that she didn't care about whether we were together or not. I went home and we argued about it a little bit and she asked me round the next day and we split up. I hated it, it didn't make sense to me. She seemed different and i felt like i hadn't done anything wrong but she was taking it out on me.
We were split up for two weeks, and i was miserable obviously. We talked almost every day, and she insisted she still cared about me and still loved me and she didn't know if it was the right thing to do. I tried to keep my distance, though when i did get the opportunity i did ask her why why why, and she always said she didn't know. Just before halloween (which was our anniversary, coincidentally) she texted to ask how i was and i said i was miserable, and she said she was too. We got talking and she said she's just stressed about money and she didn't want me to suffer because of it, and she was also feeling pressure from me because of it. We talked and i didn't really know where we stood, and i was too scared to ask, and the next morning she texted me asking if i would spend Sunday with her and spend Saturday night with her. And everything has literally been perfect since then. The few issues we had we managed to iron out, and we talk about absolutely everything now, and nothing comes between us.
By that time, i had managed to book a cheap flight home (Ryanair is good for something!), cos i was really badly homesick. While i was away she texted and rang me everyday, and apologised practically every time we spoke. Unfortunately, while i was at home one of our beautiful dogs, Bonnie, died of sandfly. We adopted him on Christmas Eve 2003, he was 1 and a 1/2, and he was the friendliest, calmest, most beautiful dog you will ever meet.
I miss him so much :(
When i got back to Derby she apologised again, and we talked about it and we agreed that it was good for us. I haven't been happier, just thinking about her makes me want to burst. We talk about it often, well not often, occasionally, and i think the time apart has really made us appreciate what we have, and how good we go together. Since we got back together we've been working together more, as a team, cooking, cleaning together, and laughing, joking around, being friends again as well as having some more amazing sex! We even invested in a strap on recently (which i have wanted for ages, took me a while to convince J but it was definitely worth it, and she agrees!). I made some burgers recently, she made me a nice steak meal, and we had our christmas dinner last Wednesday since we can't be together on christmas day.
Plus i still think she is the cutest, most beautiful thing ever, with the sexiest tattoos i have ever seen in my life.
Luckily i don't have to miss her too much, cos she's coming out during my last week here, on the 2nd January. Yay! I hope everyone had a better October than i did, cos mine was shit. But November and December, and the rest of 2009, has been amazing. I couldn't ask for more, but if i could, i want my dog back please.
Oh, and i finally had a body scan on Wednesday, to hopefully prove that my boobs are out of proportion on my body. You would think looking at me would be enough, but no. The results take 6-8 weeks, so fingers crossed! My back seems to have got worse since i had the scan too, it's like it knows -.-.
