New bras and scars

That first day of the operation passed quite quickly, as the anaesthetic wore off I slept for most of the rest of the day (which wasn't very long as I was in the theatre for 5 hours), the only time I was properly awake was when I had to go the toilet. I had a drain in each of my boobs, so going to the toilet that first time was hard, i had a drain in each hand therefore no hands free. After a strange night's sleep I woke up feeling more myself.

The drains weren't so bad, except if I forgot about them the entry wounds stung like bitch! Luckily I took to the hospital treatment well and avoided moving as much as possible! My first drain was taken out just the morning after, and the second drain the morning after that.

The first time I saw them properly was when one of the nurses fitted me with a bra. There was a mirror in the fitting room and when I took my gown off and looked in the mirror it was as if I was looking at someone else's body. It just didn't look like me. I mean they still looked like my boobs but there were bits of body I hadn't seen for years! Ha;f of the skin between my belly button and underneath my boobs had been covered by boob mass for so many years, it was so surreal to look in the mirror and see these average-sized, perky breasts with normal sized nipples on my body.

They have been healing very well, they were never very bruised, just lots of yellow bruising, no massive purpleness or anything. My dressings were taken off only a week after the operation. I have dissolvable stitches with dark purple glue holding everything together. The glue falls off when the wound has healed, and now, 3 weeks on, most of the glue has fallen off. They're a bit dry and I need to moisturise them often and out stuff on the scars, but they're still a little temder, at least one is. The nipple on my left boob is still sre, and every time I brush it (you really take for granted how easily you brush your boobs against things) it makes me very aware.

Whilst there was a little bit of suffering and strangeness and sadness (part of me will miss my gigantic bosom), I'm really happy with the results. They look completely in proportion with my body shape and height (except for the massive belly I have grown since I haven't been very active for 3 weeks plus my mum's been here fattening me up!). I have already bought clothes that I would never have been bale to buy before, including shirts which button up all the way without gaping! Proper, fitted, womeny shirts, which I shall be wearing, smart ocassion or not, from now on. I have only tried on one bikini and couldn't really look past the glue sticking poking out in places so I'm going to wait a while longer before I dive into them. i think I'm going to need ones that cover up the scars properly this year, because they'll obviously still be very pronounced.

So that's that! The 2kg the surgeon removed from my chest I seem to have accumulated onto my belly, even though I think my belly is exactly the same, it's just that there isn't a massive mass of boob to draw attention away from it! It will have to go sharpish.

J and my mum have both been amazing throughout this. From the start, the first time I showed J my new boobs she said she loved them already and thought they looked perfect on me. I think her (and my mum's, but her's mainly cos I obviously want her to love them) encouragement has been a great help. If I was with someone who didn't want me to get it done then I don't think I owuld have been happy with the results, whereas now I'm excited about being naked with her again (I have to wear a sports bra for 4 - 6 weeks, no underwire, 3 down!), properly naked! I'm also excited about underwear, these support bras have left me with no cleavage which is a strange phenomenon to me.

So that's that!
Whenever I think about it, I still can't believe I've actually had it done, but I'm so glad I have, and I'm sure that in a couple of months I'll have forgotten all the negatives to it and be enjoying th benefits of a much lighter chest.

At the moment my mum and I are in Cambridge staying with my aunt (the one who I visited in Aberdeen last year). J came to stay over the weekend and it was amazing, she got on really well with my aunt and everything was great.

Next weekend we are going to London to watch Jay Z and Lily Allen (AT LAST!) at Wireless festival, and we have also found out that London Pride is on at the same time! So I'm very excited about that! I've never been to any Pride and I think London Pride would be a very good way to lose my pride virginity!

Hope you are all enjoying your summers, and prides, and thank you for keeping up with me and my inconsistent posts.

We may let the scaffolds fall, confident that we have built our wall.

Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job’s done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.
- Seamus Heaney


J's new job is going incredibly well, she's really enjoying it, which is good because it means this past week and weekend have been incredible. She's been in a really good mood all the time and the little things that used to piss her off didn't get to her. It's so nice to finally see her happy again!


She's working in the college library, where she found some postcards which were about to be thrown away from the BBC's recent poetry season, all of which had a verse or two from some of the most famous poems. One of them had the last two verses of Seamus Heaney's poem "Scaffolding". She gave this one to me, and it is now one of my favourite poems. She's becoming quite sentimental, which she wasn't when we first started seeing each other, and when she gave it to me and hugged her and had a little cry into her shoulder! We stuck it on top of her bed, in between us :).


On a side note, I'm off to London tomorrow to watch football and see my dad! I can't wait, i haven't seen him since January and i'm a proper daddy's girl, so the tears that will be shed when he leaves on Thursday will be plenty.


Do you have any favourite poems? Or favourite things your partner has given you?

Londontown

Now usually, i absolutely fucking LOVE london. Everything about it, the hustle and bustle, the lights, the traffic, the tube, the football and definitely the shopping. So my lovely dad got me a ticket for the FA cup semi-final today (which we won thank god, otherwise i'd have been mighty pissed off) and obviously i wanted to come, no hesitation. However, my mum wasn't too keen on me going to a footie match on my own, so my dad and i havent told her. She thinks i've been at work all day. I feel so bad for lying to my mum, but i know that if she knew the truth it would cause arguments back home. So anyway, the point of this is, as much as i love london and football, today has been an excessively stressful day. It took me almost 3 hours to get back to my friend's, where i'm staying for the night. The match lasts 90 minutes! I've spent more time travelling than actually watching football. Then they'd waited for me to have dinner, but i'd already eaten. I felt so bad, so i didn't tell them and said i was feeling ill. I've never felt more uncomfortable in london. Plus i've turned into a love sick puppy and miss J loads. What is this world coming to?! I have no hope! Oh, and i'm feeling more stressed than ever about uni work :(