Coming out week

Today i'm going to Aberdeen to visit my aunt and her boyfriend, and my uncle's coming from Malta too. My aunt, Lal, is only 9 years older than me, she's the youngest of my mum's four other siblings and is closer in age to me than any of them. Because of this she's more like my sister than my aunt. We grew up together and were always treated the same by my grandparents and during one of the many spells when my parents split up, we shared a room together. She still calls her room at my grandparents' house 'our' room.

I usually tell her everything, but like most of my family she doesn't know about J yet, so i am determined to tell her this week. She's only going to be in Malta for 2 weeks over the summer, and that's in June, so she won't get to meet J. I really want to tell her this week. Really, really, really want to. Apart from anything else it's going to be really strange moving back home for a few months with people not knowing i have a girlfriend. Mainly because she just makes me so happy and i want people to know that i'm the happiest i've ever been and it's all thanks to her.


Anyway, i have a 7 and a half hour train to look forward to, and i've been really paranoid that i'm going to miss it. Last night i dreamt that i missed it, and then i dreamt that J and i had to me somewhere and we missed whatever it was that was meant to take us there. So yeah i'm a bit paranoid. Mainly cos it will cost me £85 to get there if i miss this train.

Hope you all have a good week! :)

Wednesday Weirdness #56

1. If your boss says, "I would like to talk to you about your internet usage" what would your first reaction be?
You must be mistaken, unless you are spying on me in my own home in which case i would like to talk to you about your stalkerish nature.

2. If you SO asks you "Does this make me look fat?" how do you answer?
Honestly, but not in a bitchy way. Maybe suggest something i think she looks hot in. Or just say i don't particular like it on her.

3. What is one thing that you pay for, but resent having to do so?
TV License maybe? Fine i watch BBC but all the other channels have almost as many ads as they do actual tv shows.

4. A day is being created in honor of you. How should we celebrate it?
By spending the day doing EXACTLY what you want to do with the people you want to be with the most. Be it swimming, drinking, sleeping, watching tv, reading, skydiving, dancing, anything. Just because i think most people don't get to spend enough time doing things they love, or enough time with the people they love.

5. What CD or Album in your music collection do you secretly enjoy, but would be embarrassed if others heard you grooving to it?
It's gonna have to be Westlife.

6. How long do you think you would last if you were a contestant on Survivor?
We lived for a few years without electricity when i was younger, so i'd like to think i'd get very far.

Wednesday Weirdness

Posted 12 minutes early lol

TMI #187

1. Have you ever participated in HNT? If so, when? If not, why not?
I've always wanted to, but never had cos i've just never taken a picture i like.

2. Have you ever avoided certain sites because of the HNT pictures that were posted?
Nooo

3. Have you ever posted a HNT picture that you wish that you hadn't?
I never have

4. Do you email/text/call anyone regularly with someone you met through HNT?
Nope

5. What percentage of your online friends are current or former HNTers?
There are a few, i don't know exactly how many though.

6. Does anyone in your "real" life know that you do HNT (if, of course, you do)?
Hmm i don't know actually!

7. Other than previously-known friends, have you met any fellow HNTers?
Nope

8. Have you ever downloaded someone else's HNT pictures?
No

BONUS QUESTION: Have you ever submitted a picture for "...the Other HNT"?
Yes, only once a few weeks ago. (30th April if anyone would like to take a guess)

Discrimination or just plain ignorance?

J had a doctors appointment this morning and she came back a little bit annoyed. She's been meaning to go for a few weeks and today she finally went. She went in and told the doctor (a woman doctor, if that makes any difference) what was wrong. Here's the main gist of the conversation:

Doctor: Are you on the pill?

J: No

Doctor: Are you using any contraception of any kind?

J: No..

Doctor: Are you trying to conceive?

J: No, I'm gay.

[Confused/bemused look from the doctor]

J: And my girlfriend doesn't have long nails.

Doctor: So what kind of sex do you actually have? (WTF?)

J: Sorry??

Doctor: Manual sex?

J: Err, fingers..

[Conversation continues fairly normally]

Doctor: Have you ever actually had heterosexual sex?

J: Err, yes..


Now, i don't know if this doctor is just extremely ignorant, or if she was being discriminative. J was quite pissed off and she's even considering putting in a complaint. Derby's a very gay friendly community and i don't think she's ever experienced any form of discrimination, at least nothing she ever mentions. I've never experienced anything of the sort, but i'm sure i will when i come out back home.

On a lighter note, J's parents have gone away for a couple of weeks, so we have her house almost to ourselves (her brother's there). It wouldn't really matter, it's just that she has a double bed and i have a single bed, and a proper house with a living room and proper kitchen, which i miss so much living in halls. I'm going to make us lasagna sometime this week cos all my pots and pans are crap and her mum has real ones. Yay :)

Hope you all had a good Monday, i have to study for my exam tomorrow morning, not so yay.

Googles thoughts on me

A little meme thing I stole off facebook because, as usual, i am procrastinating.

Q. Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search.

write the most amusing results not the first one that came up... enjoy.

A: Sophie needs to study. (HA!)
A: Sophie looks like Alice?!
A: Sophie says 'All you need is love'
A: Sophie wants a bone. (LOL - there were a lot of funny ones for this)
A: Sophie does downward dog.
A: Sophie hates THE WELSH. (and that is somewhat true!)
A: Sophie asks: What is Positive Psychology?
A: Sophie likes cake. A lot. (that's exactly how it is on google lol)
A: Sophie eats weed stems.
A: Sophie wears her crown napkin ring.
A: Sophie was arrested after showdown with ex..
A: Sophie loves to hula at the luau.

More good boobie news!

My doctor rang me on Thursday to tell me she'd got me a surgeon referral. Yay! I have to pick it up from the surgery reception and ring the surgeon and make an appointment and he'll take all my body measurements etc. I'm so frickin excited now!! xD

I have an exam on Tuesday, which i am NOT prepared for and i can't be bothered to study (as usual). Next Saturday i'm going to Aberdeen to stay with my aunt for a week, we'll call her Lal :). My uncle, M, is coming up from Malta too so it's going to be a mini family reunion outside the country. I'm really excited, i went to Aberdeen for a couple of days last year and it's an amazing city. It's full of old buildings made of granite (i think..) and old streets, hilly streets lol, with small traditional pubs hidden in back alleys. So yeah i'm excited about that..

I'm kind of looking forward to going home. Well, i am obviously. Good food, good friends, and good family. But I won't see J for more than a month, probably almost 2 months. She's going to Beni in July too, but there are going to be thousands of people there so chances of us finding each other are quite slim. But anywaysssss. We have a few weeks left before i leave. Plus there are too many things to be excited about for me to be sad about anything :D.

Should i be flattered?

I haven't posted a proper post in a while, mainly cos i haven't had much to post about. J and i had an alcohol-fueled argument (she was drunk, i just had a headache) on Saturday night, and i was going to post about it, but she apologised first thing Sunday morning. It wasn't just alcohol, but anyway, i won't go into it cos luckily it happens very rarely.

Apart from that, everything's been good. We were both at work yesterday, except she finished at 9pm and i was on till close. While she was changing out of her uniform i was clearing a table and i was walking down through the bar a guy stopped me and asked me "are you from Malta?" which really confused me, cos nobody ever recognises my surname cos it's 'foreign' to them. So i said yes, i am, and he said he recognised me because he'd been in the restaurant before. After a couple of minutes i remembered him too, and he had been really flirty with me the first time he came in. Anyway, he started asking me about work and what time i'm on till and then he asked me when i'm not working. I said i don't usually work during the week, just on weekends, to which he replied, can i take for a drink some day? I told him sorry, i have a girlfriend, and the look on his face was priceless! He stared at me for a second then looked away and said "i need to think about that one for a second." Ok.. to steer the conversation away from me i asked them if they wanted anything else and his friend replied "are you on the menu?" and then burst out laughing! I said no, sorry.. Made some more conversation and then walked away and avoided them till they left. The cheek!

J stayed over last night and had to be at work at 9.30am, and when i woke up a couple of hours later and went to check my morning appearance in the mirror, i found this:



She's so cute! She calls me pupface from the word pupa which means 'little doll' in Maltese and Italian. I used to call her pupa at the beginning of our relationship, and now she calls me pupa. :)
I have to admit that after the initial "awww she's so amazing" thoughts, i began to wonder how am i going to get that off my mirror without smudging black everywhere? Lol, i haven't tried to remove it yet though cos i love it :).

Wednesday Weirdness #55

1.) What are your least favorite sounds?
Nails scratching against chalk, faint beeping sounds, very loud sounds.

2.) Do you enjoy reading infidelity blogs? Why? If you don't, is there any reason why you don't?
I never have.

3.) If you could make one frivolous purchase right now without expense being an option, what one thing would you go buy?
My own plane plus pilot so i wouldn't have to worry about taking all my things home over the summer and being overweight and having to pay £15 per kilo.

4.) Have you ever gotten drunk and then gotten behind the wheel to drive?
Nope i don't drive

5.) As an adult, have you ever been caught having sex by someone you didn't ever want to catch you in the act?
No, not yet anyway thank god!

6.) If your current significant other wound up in jail for no less than 5 years but didn't kill or physically harm anyone, would you wait for them or move on?
I'd probably wait. Depends on why she'd wound up in jail.

7.) If you had to participate, would you rather be in a mud wrestling competition or a JellO wrestling competition?
JellO!


Wednesday Weirdness

TMI Tuesday #186

1. Which traits from your parents do you see in yourself?
Impatience, and selfishness sometimes.

2. Which traits from you/your partner do you see in your children (if you don't have kids, which would you like to see)?
Her humour and her caring nature.

3. How did you get the birds-and-bees talk?
My mum just sat me down and said "if you're going to do anything, make sure you tell me before you do and i'll help you prepare yourself." I can't remember the proper first talk about where babies come from though.

4. What was your favorite childhood book?
Books i used to read or books that were read to me? Noddy was always a favourite bedtime story, and when i was younger i must have read A Little Princess once a week for ages.

5. What is your favorite piece of erotic literature?
I don't read any particular one.. i don't read very much erotic lit in fact.

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a child?
Don't accept anything less than the best.

Double Bonus: If your life were a book or movie, what would the title be?
Oh, erm.. Something to do with living on an island and then moving away..

It's almost over

I handed in my essay on time, yay! I have one exam left, on the 19th, then my summer officially starts :) Yay xD

Today, like all other days

I am procrastinating. Except the essay is due in tomorrow and i haven't even done the reading for it yet. *Blush*

Anyway, i am too excited about the prospect of not actually having any work to do. J and I were meant to be going to Birmingham this weekend but we can't afford it, but at least we have the weekend off to spend some time together. We spend a lot of time together, but it's usually at work or at home after work. Even though i love it when she stays over, even if it is just a sleepover, then we go off to work during the day and meet up again in the evening. She's at work till 1am now then she's coming here after.

I think night times and mornings are my favourite parts of the day with her. This morning i woke up and turned over to face her, i put my arm around her and she opened her eyes, looked at me and a massive smile spread across her face.
Last night we got into bed and she cuddled up against me, with her face nestled in my neck and her arm tightly around me and she fell asleep while i was watching tv. She looked so gorgeous, i wish i'd my camera handy so i could show you all how lovely she looked.

Anyway, enough with the soppy stuff. Here's a meme I nicked off Jess I am. You're meant to tag people and stuff, but i'm only doing it to avoid my work some more!

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

1. Going to sleep with J.

2. Waking up next to J

3. Finishing this essay

4. Possibly having a breast reduction!

5. Summer - the Maltese sun mainly

6. Benicassim Music Festival 2009.

7. J coming to Malta

8. Going to Aberdeen

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Watched Chelsea being cheated out of the Champion's League Final :(

2. Had a giggle with J.

3. Wasted a lot of time

4. Went to the library at uni.

5. Considered getting a hamster

6. Drank a pint of beer

7. Ate a plate of chips and cheese

8. Avoided responsibilities (essay, laundry, dishes, shower, vacuuming etc.)

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Sing

2. Dance

3. Travel the world

4. Will my boobs smaller/back to bigger depending on my mood

5. Play the piano

6. Come out to my family and the rest of my friends

7. Finish this essay

8. Get a job that pays loads after i graduate

8 Shows I Watch:

Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Eastenders, The Hills, ANTM, QI, Big Bang Theory, Hollyoaks.


Voila.

Wednesday Weirdness #54

1.) Name 3 people in history whom you would invite to a dinner party?
Marilyn Monroe, Jesus and Anne Frank.

2.) Are there any conspiracy theories that you believe could be true?
Nooooo not really

3.) What's a weapon that you feel suits your personality?
My sarcasm, it can often stop me getting into arguments because i say how i feel and they blame it on my humour!

4.) If you had to let someone off of a cooking show prepare a meal for you and your family, who would you pick and why?
Gordon Ramsey definitely. Number 1, he seems to be a pretty damn good chef. No 2., he's hot.

5.) What brand of sliced sandwich bread do you buy most often?
Warburtons

6.) How often do you try new things in bed?
We try new things quite often, but we usually end up in the same position anyway lol no matter how we start off.


In other news..
I finished my analysis at 5am last night. It was really easy in the end and if i had just started it and if i wasn't so easily distracted i would have been able to finish it much earlier. But anywaysss.

Also, i have work at 6pm tonight but i rang in sick so i can go and watch the football. Muahahahaha. Serves the bastards right for cutting down my hours. I can do it cos they are MY hours, they can't.

Boobs

One more thing, when i was wasting precious time yesterday i decided to google breast reduction, for probably the 150th time in my lifetime (i have been very excited since my visit to the doctor, even though nothing has been said since then) and i stumbled across this video. I sometimes feel sorry for myself because of the abnormal size of my boobs, but geez, i can't imagine what it would be like to be in this woman's skin. Luckily because i'm still young my boobs are probably as perky as they can be for their size and weight, but this video shows just how age and gravity work together against our lovely breasts. If i needed any more encouragement, this video certainly helped.

Anger, frustration, determination

It's 2.44am and i'm finally managing to get some work done. Hopefully i'll finish this before the morning so i can just touch touch it up tomorrow then have 2 days to work on my other assignment. Then Friday it'll finally be over, bar one exam.
I thought i'd give you a taster, sorry if it bores you lol but then you can imagine what i'm going through haha.

Analysis
Theme 1: Negative emotions
Throughout the text, Michael J. Fox seems to be expressing a great deal of frustration and anger, which seems to mainly be aimed towards the media and the government. On top of those two main emotions he also gave off a sense of annoyance and resentment.

Frustration
In every reading of the transcript, the main emotion coming through the text is that of frustration. Michael J. Fox begins by discussing his frustration when in 2000 he wrote a letter to then-Governor Bush. His frustration is clearly apparent when he explains that the President did not help with the stem cell research.

“..with one veto of his presidency chose to veto that, it really stung in the hearts of a lot of people counting on this.” (1: 11-12)

On top of that, he also appears to be frustrated with his medication and the effect they have on him. He admits that the symptoms can be hard to take.

“I go through a million cycles.. Sometimes it kicks in too hard and then you get what you call dyskinesia, which is that rocking motion.” (1:16-19)

The frustration seems to stem from the fact that medicine is unpredictable and he can never tell how bad the symptoms are going to be or when they are going to set in.

“It works with horrible side effects… But on any given day, I can’t design where I’m going to be at any given time. You just take the meds and hope for the best.” (1: 25-28)


I've written 500 words, which means 1000 to go. Yippeeeeeeeeeeee

Nothing will suffice

I have two assignments due in on Friday, and i've barely started either of them. I can't focus at all. You may have noticed, if you've read some of my posts, that i get bored really easily, i have a very short attention span and i am an expert procrastinator. Last minute work is my specialty. I have to analyse a transcript between Michael J Fox and Katie Couric from CBS for one of them, and i can't find anything in the text except frustration, frustration, frustration. He may not even be frustrated, but i really do not have the head for this.

The interview is hereif anyone would like to have a gander.

I really wish J could come over and we could get into bed, cuddle and watch crap tv together!

TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever bought a membership to a porn site? If yes, what is the most recent one and did you like it?
Nope, free porn all the way

2. Would you rather watch a erotic/porn movie, read a story, or listen to an audio? Why?
Depends what i'm in the mood for. If it's just porn for porn's sake, i'd watch something. But if i just want something to make me feel good, i'd probably do some reading.

3. If you have a significant other what do you do for each other to get in the mood? If you don't what would you kind of thing could a future potential long term partner do to get you in the mood?
If we're not around each other, we send quite a lot of naughty texts, telling each other what we want to do to the other, and then we end up all over each other when we do meet. If we are together then it usually involves a lot kissing and hands everywhere.

4. When it comes to sex, how much do you talk about it with others? How comfortable are you talking about sex?
I feel quite comfortable talking about sex. Especially to other people who are open about it. If someone doesn't appear comfortable talking about sex then i won;t want to talk to them about it.

5. What are the last 5 things you searched for on Google (or another search engine)?
Errr i have no idea..

Bonus: Have you ever had a fantasy that you were ashamed of?
No, no that i can remember.

Every time we kiss, I can't think straight

I don't know if i actually like the song, but the lyrics are just too sweet.

The complicated nature of homesickness

When i was on my break at work yesterday, my mum rang me. My brother turned 18 last week and he went away for a couple of days with his friends so yesterday my mum had a small thing for him and just his close friends at home. Basically after she range me i started to feel really homesick. I really just wanted to have a little cry but i was at work so i couldnt. I finished work at 9pm so A and i went for a drink and then i went to meet J cos she was out with her mates. I was already a bit tipsy and we went to her mate's house and they opened some wine. Everyone left except me and J's best friend (the one i've mentioned in the last couple of posts). She and i have become quite close because she spends loads of time with J and so do i obviously. So somehow we started talking about family and our past and stuff while drinking loads of wine. After a long heart to heart we went to meet the others and i bought a couple more beers, i was rather drunk by this point.

I was really having fun and then all of a sudden i started feeling homesick. It was probably there but aggravated by the alcohol. So i went up to J and said i want to go home, i'm feeling homesick and she said ok she'd come with me, but she was pissed too, more than i was i think. As soon as we left i started crying and i did not stop all fucking night. I am such a twat. When we were walking back we bumped into this guy who's girlfriend slept with J at some point. He was obviously drunk too and he kept chanting "she slept with my girlfriend, she slept with my girlfriend" while his friends tried to hold him up and just laughed in the background. J got really agitated and ended up punching him and i was bawling my fucking eyes out. I was quite surprised none of them turned on her when she punched him so we just walked off while he was still chanting in the background.

When we got back i kept crying and we argued a bit cos i kept saying she doesn't understand what it's like for me and she doesn't know what it's like to feel homesick. In the ended we had a kiss and cuddle and got over it and went to sleep, but now i'm feeling rather hangover. And its past 5 in the afternoon. It was a very strange night, no wonder i haven't been drunk for almost 3 months, i always bloody well end up crying.

I'm looking forward to the weekend, we might not go to birmingham cos we can't afford it but we still have the weekend off to spend together, so fingers crossed it'll be a nice weekend!

It really was one of those days

Noone tipped me at work today. I'm not happy. I usually get about £20, sometimes i even get £40, but it's just been ridiculous lately. One woman got up and told my tips were on the table, and i went to the table and there was nothing there! How horrible is that! She must've been taking the piss! Twat.

Also, in my post on Friday i mentioned that J and i spent the night at her friend's house. Well her friend didn't know, and she asked me about it today and i said yeah we did, and she's not so mad, but i feel so bad. I don't want anything to happen between J and her cos they're best friends and it would be horrible if they fell out cos of this. I feel so so bad.

Lizzy the Lezzy quiz

Take the Lizzy the Lezzy Muff Muncher Quiz!





Lol!

Today

..is one of those days. I'm not very happy, cos i was meant to be in work from 12.30 till 10.30, so i went at 12.30 and i couldn't clock in. So i found a manager and asked wtf can't i clock in, it says i'm on at 12.30 and i'm here. So apparently they'd taken me off the rota and put me on 6 till 10 instead cos it was dead. They'd rung me in the morning, but i was asleep, and i had no credit to ring them back. But god, if i don't tell them it's ok they have no right to just cancel a ten hour shift for me. It wasn't even a fucking measly short shift, it was a long one and i need the money. I said this to one of the managers and he said "oh i can't afford to have people on", which is fair enough, but why give people shifts when you don't intend to keep them on?? I'm so pissed off, if i didn't need the money i wouldn't go in later but i need the money.

For fuck's sake. I hate working there, i can't wait to graduate and get a proper job. I have a nine hour shift tomorrow, i bet they'll try and send me home early.


On a lighter note, actually there isn't anything light i can think of. I woke up with J next to me which is always good but she had to be in at 9.30am so that was short-lived too. Fuckers.

I am so so tempted to not go in later but i have to. Eugh.

Actually there is one thing i wanted to show everyone today. It's Lizzy the Lezzy. She's a little animated lesbian and she has a youtube show, and she's rather hilarious. She cheered me up a bit.

The relief

Oh my god, i almost had a premature heart attack yesterday. After spending a week writing this stupid essay on schizophrenia, i thought i'd lost it. Luckily i'd just saved it in the wrong folder, but my god. I have never been so scared in my life. I thought i was going to have to stay up all night and rewrite the fucking thing cos it was due in today. Luckily i found it, so i took J out for dinner to celebrate and we spent the night at her friend's house, in a double bed! Ahh the luxury!

I still feel so completely happy with her, being with her just makes me excited about everything and anything. Next weekend we're going to Birmingham for our friend's birthday and i can't wait :). Unfortunately i have a research proposal and an interview analysis in for Friday, so i have to get those done before i can think about Birmingham. Boo

If anyone would like to read my essay, i'm rather happy with it, they can do by clicking here. It's about antipsychotic drugs and schizophrenia.

I have to have a shower and go to work. Yay.