Is it alright for me to feel this way?

Yesterday i started watching season 1 of The L Word again, skipping the bits i found boring, ie. anything involving Jenny (except her sex scenes with Marina of course). I spent the majority afternoon watching episodes 4 till 10, when i should have been reading up about discourse analysis for my IS (independent studies - my dissertation/thesis whatever you want to call it).

J went to Leeds festival this weekend, which i am quite jealous of cos Kings of Leon played/are playing tonight, and they were meant to play at Beni, but had to cancel cos of strong winds. Because of strong winds! T, F and I queued for about 6 hours to make sure we got right to front, right near the barriers, all to be told we had to fuck off back to our tents cos they were scared that the stage was going to fall apart and the equipment wasn't working well. Not happy! So cos J was away for the weekend we've hardly talked, except for a couple of texts. So now i'm looking forward to go home so we can talk again after almost a week. On Wednesday my mum and i are going to Sicily for a week, i'm really excited, i'm looking forward to getting away, and hopefully i'll pluck up the courage to come out to her while we're there, bonding over good food, good wine, and even better shopping. We come back the Wednesday after, and the Monday after that (which would be two weeks from tomorrow) i finally go back to Derby.

I'm really looking forward to going back, if only to be able to be out properly and not have to worry about coming out to anyone, or introducing J as my friend, i can hold her hand in public and across the table when we go out for dinner. Just the little things that we couldn't while she was here. I'm not particularily looking forward to my final year of uni, or the idea of making decisions about my future when i've finished, but ah, such is life.

I also have a feeling that two of our cats are gay. They are both girls and are constantly together and rubbing up against each other the way cats do, bump heads, rub bodies. But that is not the extent of it! Have you ever seen a male and female cat flirting? We have loads of cats, they come and eat our food, often uninvited, so i have been witness to plenty of feline flirting. The female cat rolls around on her back meowing, while the male cat sits and watches. Kind of like a feline lap dancer, or exotic dancer. Today, these two female cats rolled around in that way together, rubbing their heads together as they did it, then they lay on their stomachs facing each other and rubbed noses, licked each others paws, play fought, the works. I am absolutely convinced they have seen the light and have fallen madly in love with each other. I said this to my mother, and she laughed at me. Pah.

I didn't know where this was going, when you kissed me

I'm obsessed with these two Lily Allen songs at the moment:

Who'd Have Known - I think most people can kind of relate to this song.


Chinese - I just think this song is the sweetest thing ever, she wrote it about her mum, and i understand how it feels to miss someone and miss doing stupid little things like talking, watching tv and taking the dog for a walk with them.

Plus Lily Allen is HOT.

EDIT:I found this photo a couple of minutes after I published this post, and i had to share it! She has the perfect belly i think..


She was meant to be playing in Benicassim, but unfortunately she got ill and had to cancel. I was not happy! What with Kings of Leon having to cancel because of the wind the night before, the two acts i had really gone to see were off the bill. Not impressed.

I came across the second song, Chinese, when i found this video on Heatworld (i'm a sucker for celebrity crap). It's a choral tribute to Lily Allen by the Capital Children's Choir. If you don't like Lily's version, then this version will absolutely melt your heart. As cheesy as they sound, they actually sound like angels. Really. Listen to it and i'm sure you'll agree with me.

You love me, I love harder so

Tomorrow is J's birthday. She's only been gone a few days but I wish I was with her. These past few weeks have been amazing, but now i'm really looking forward to going back to Derby. Not just cos of J, but cos of my friends too and just to be in Derby. It really feels like home now.

Like I anticipated, T was a bit weird with J when I introduced them in Spain. Seeing J in Spain was absolutely amazing, the feeling i got when i saw her for the first time was incredible. She was standing on the beach looking fit as fuck in her bikini and i saw her before she saw me and i could see the excitement and anticipation on her face. It was incredible! I met her every day while we were at the music festival, and luckily towards the end of the week T loosened up. But being there with her was amazing, it felt exactly like it did at the very beginning, we couldn't keep our hands off each other, we were laughing constantly, it really was brilliant. After a week at the festival in Benicassim, we went to Valencia and J and her friend were coming the day after and they hadn't booked in anywhere, so i booked them a room in the hotel we were staying in, which had it's obvious perks :). We walked around Valencia for a couple of hours, and you know when you think back to something and one thing really sticks out about that occasion, well from that day i remember laughing constantly with her. At each other, with each other, at other people, at absolutely everything.

She came to Malta a few days after we got back, and even though it was amazing, we quickly got back into our comfortable routine. It was so great having her here. My family and friends loved her, but now the pressure's on cos i decided i would come out to my parents after she left. And when i decided this there were months left and now she's gone and i'm going back in less than a month and i am scared shitless. But anyway, i shall not go on about it, instead i'll post a couple of photos.

These are my favourite ones of J and me while she was here.















The first one is one my favourite photos ever. I love the way she's resting her chin on my back, and the look in her eyes.

Finally

Tomorrow night I fly to Valencia T and our friend F, by 6.30 we'll be in Benicassim for what should be 10 of the best, most epic days ever. I finally get to see J after more than 4 weeks, and then i get to see Oasis, Kings of Leon, The Killers, Franz Ferdinand, Lily Allen, Boyz Noize, Glasvegas, Mystery Jets, Pete Doherty and loads more with a beer in my hand and my favourite people around me! You might realise that i'm a tad excited.

T's been worrying me a bit, she's acted exactly the same since i told her, but whenever we talk about about J, she goes a bit funny. She asked me the other day, "aren't you a bit sad that you're going to be single at Benicassim?" And i said, "no, cos i'm happy with her. If i wasn't happy then i would be, but i am so i'm not. Plus she's gonna be there so it's ok."

Then at some point we talking about sex, and she said "that's not real sex no is it." Well, not technically, but it's fucking better than hetero sex! And she keeps asking me how i can be sure, and she doesn't really pay attention, at least that's how i feel, when i talk about her. And when i told her that i want her to like J, because obviously it's important to me that my best friend likes my girlfriend, and she said it doesn't matter, if i'm happy she'll be happy for me. And then she said that i haven't liked some of her ex boyfriends, and i said yes, cos they treated you like shit! And J treats me really well and is really good for me, and goes out of her way to make me happy, so there isn't any reason why she shouldn't like her.

Ah well. At least I know my other friends are going to make an effort with her. I told H that J's nervous to meet everyone, and she said there's obviously something i like about her, so they're bound to like her too. I love my friends. And T obviously, i just hope she doesn't act weird around J, especially since she's going to be in Beni too. Ah well, we'll see. I probably won't be blogging for quite a while, so i hope everyone has a good few weeks! x