The Future...

... has me so excited! Yesterday I had my first exam, which went really really well, and on Friday I have my last exam of my undergraduate degree. I can't believe that I'm going to finish uni, after everything I've been through and the big changes I went through, moving to England, boyfriends, girlfriends, sadness, happiness, homesickness, richness, skintness, jobs I love, jobs I hate and most of all all the things I've learnt over the past 3 years. Not just university stuff but things about myself. And I've grown so much, I've changed, not a lot, but I definitely has changed, and to think that such an important amazing time in my life is coming to end is a bit weird and sad.

BUT I'm also incredibly incredibly excited about the future. The little things and the big things like the fact that J and I will be moving in together soon, with a couple of friends of ours, in a 3 bedroom flat modern flat and friend X will be nowhere in sight! The rent is really really cheap too because we're all sub-letting and there's 4 of us, which means we will have more money for travels!

Firstly I'm excited about my breast reduction as you will all probably, maybe know by now. After waiting so long for it the bloody thing is less than 3 weeks away! I will be writing a blog about that, mainly because over the years I have read a few and they have been really helpful to me but they were by women in very different circumstances to me. I have always found this problem with my boobs. There are bras made for people with massive tits but they're not really to a teenager's taste. From the age of 14 i have been wearing the same bras that my mum buys, not that there's anything wrong with them but I used to feel so left out when shopping with my friends and they all bought cute little bras with cute little designs on them or sexy plunge bras. I hated it! And I found that many of the blogs I have come across are experiences of older women whose boobs didn't shrink after they'd had kids, or who had big boobs most of their life but it didn't really bother them till now. None of them seemed to relate to me, except certain issues about what size to go down to, so I thought it would be good to put my experience out there too.

Oh did I mention my mum's coming to Derby for a month when I have my operation? That's going to be interesting, but I can't wait to see her, it will have been about 6 months since I last saw her when she comes.

Then there's Wireless, then Malta, then moving in with J, then life... And did I mention I have a new camera to document it all on?

Not to mention I am still head over heels in love with J, she makes me so ridiculously happy and everything seems to be working out for us perfectly at the moment :).

My mum bought me the Sony Cyber Shot DSC-TX5 for my 21st birthday :D (which is 3 days after my op). I saw it and I fell in love with it and I think it's a very appropriate present for my 21st :).

Anyway, I got a bit excited, I wrote it all down. Friend X is being a dick to J so now I am less excited more fuming that my girlfriend has to put up with such shit from a liar and a hypocrite. At least she's moving out of that evil house 4 months then she was originally going to.

I hope everyone is as excited as I am :)

Election confusion

With the English election getting closer and closer, and the power of the EU allowing me to vote, I am insanely confused about who to vote for. I've watched the debates, read the articles and still have no idea. First, I came across this website mygayvote.co.uk, which makes it obvious that Conservatives are a no-go. It all seemed pretty simple before, get Labour out of government for a number of reasons by voting conservative. Not happening, especially after this came out yesterday: Tory candidate Philip Lardner suspended for gay comment. They may have suspended him but the conservative party is just that, so Mr. Lardner is probably not on his own, he's just the only one stupid enough to speak out about it.
Next i came across this How should I vote in the general election 2010? on the Telegraph website. You answer a number of questions and then choose the parties you would like to compare your results with. Whilst there no questions on gay issues, I thought it would be interesting to see anyway. I chose Labour, Tories and Lib Dems, since no one else really has a chance, and the BNP just for a laugh. Lo and behold, according to this questionnaire my top match (With about 45%) was with the BNP!! Second were Lib Dems (44%). It didn't really make sense to me, shouldn't they have polar opposite policies? The Lib Dems aren't so harsh about Immigration, which is one of BNP's biggest issues. Who knows.
Finally, I would like to vote Lib Dem. However, with the way seats are distributed, even if they achieve an overall majority, they still won't have enough seats in parliament. For this reason my dad thinks I should vote conservative, just to keep labour out. But I do not want to vote conservative, mainly for the reasons mentioned above. So J thinks we should vote labour since they are the lesser of two evils when it comes to issues that affect us.

Who knows, it's all too confusing. Malta's elections are so much easier, where you are 'born' into a party, the whole family would have been supporting them since the beginning of time and you basically have no choice in the matter. This is too much responsibility for a 20 year old, confused, gay/bi foreign person to take in!

In other less confusing but just as life-changing news, I came across a post-graduate course that sounds perfect for me. PERFECT. It's a Doctor of Educational and Child Psychology at the University of Sheffield, which is ranked number 18 in England overall and number 11 in England for Psychology. When I came across it yesterday I got so excited, I considered changing my plans for next year. It's close to Derby so i could commute, but then I remembered why I chose to take a year out. I'm not ready for a full on three year doctorate course and I definitely can't afford. I told J about it and she told me to apply for it, but anyway applications for September 2010 are closed, but in a few months I can and will apply for 2011. I think the thing I'm excited the most about is having a Doctorate by the time I'm 25! J said she would move to anywhere with me, so we could move to Sheffield if we fancied it too.

I am stupidly excited about the future, the near future, the distant future and anything that might happen in between. I've handed my dissertation in and I'm really happy with it. I'M SO EXCITED!

I remember everything

I remember the first time I met you and I thought you didn't like me because you barely spoke to me.

I remember the first time you invited me out.

I remember when you and A asked me if I was gay in the taxi and I said no, even though I wanted to say yes, even though I didn't think I was gay.

I remember walking back from work with you and laughing all the way.

I remember the first time I saw you with you hair down, you looked so beautiful and I was so surprised that the back was shorter than the front.

I remember standing at the end of the bar laughing madly.

I remember when you were sitting at the end of the bar before a shift and I was standing behind the bar and you invited me out again and Berry was sitting next to you and she warned that you might rape me if I went out.

I remember changing my plans that week to go out with you that night.

I remember buying a new outfit for the night.

I remember how gorgeous you looked in your skinny jeans and cardi. I fell in love with your boobs on that day.

I remember feeling excited and nervous when your thigh rubbed against mine under the table.

I remember kissing you for the first time, feeling things I had never felt before when I kissed someone for the first time.

I remember stumbling home with you.

I remember lying naked underneath you and feeling more nervous than I had ever felt in my life.

I remember feeling happy and confident the next morning.

I remember the texts you sent me when I went away that day for a few days. I remember the way they made me smile, so much so that my friend assumed I was texting a boy.

I remember when you told me that you were with Vicky now. I remember when you came over and told me you didn't want to be with her.

I remember when you came over stinking drunk after I'd finished work and passed out on my bed in just your bra and nothing else.

I remember meeting your friends for the first time, some of whom I'm really close to now, and feeling insanely nervous.

I remember going out most nights of the week together, but whenever anyone asked us if we were together the answer was always no.

I remember thinking I would never be able to call you my girlfriend because I was definitely straight, even though we had been sleeping together for a month.

I remember the day when I realised I wanted to call you my girlfriend.

I remember being happier than I'd ever been in those first three months, but still thinking it would go nowhere.

I remember the day when I realised I was falling in love with you.

And I still fall in love with you more everyday. ♥

Love and Lily

EDIT: I'm going here on Sunday 4th July to watch Lily Allen support Jay Z! I love Lily Allen, J loves Jay Z, so it seemed like a pretty good plan! To make it even more awesome, it takes place at London's Hyde Park, and it's also going to be Lily Allen's last live show for a while! I can't wait! :D

We may let the scaffolds fall, confident that we have built our wall.

Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job’s done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.
- Seamus Heaney


J's new job is going incredibly well, she's really enjoying it, which is good because it means this past week and weekend have been incredible. She's been in a really good mood all the time and the little things that used to piss her off didn't get to her. It's so nice to finally see her happy again!


She's working in the college library, where she found some postcards which were about to be thrown away from the BBC's recent poetry season, all of which had a verse or two from some of the most famous poems. One of them had the last two verses of Seamus Heaney's poem "Scaffolding". She gave this one to me, and it is now one of my favourite poems. She's becoming quite sentimental, which she wasn't when we first started seeing each other, and when she gave it to me and hugged her and had a little cry into her shoulder! We stuck it on top of her bed, in between us :).


On a side note, I'm off to London tomorrow to watch football and see my dad! I can't wait, i haven't seen him since January and i'm a proper daddy's girl, so the tears that will be shed when he leaves on Thursday will be plenty.


Do you have any favourite poems? Or favourite things your partner has given you?

A few things to look forward to

Here are some things i'm really looking forward to:

• Finishing uni


• Doing well (hopefully!)


• My breast reduction - even though I'm petrified


• Buying new things to wear :)


• The sun coming out soon, hopefully


• My mum coming to Derby for the first time since she came over to help me settle in when i came in 2007


• Spending a few weeks in Cambridge with my mum and my aunt


• Summer in Malta with J


• Moving in with J


• Getting a job and being able to leave the cinema


• Going to New York (hopefully!) next Christmas

I am really excited about the next few months :)
What are you all looking forward to?

Wow!

I have 50 followers! I don't really know what else to say about it except thank you everyone for being interested in me!

This week has been a good week so far. J started her new job on Monday and she's really enjoying it, which means she's been really happy and cheerful all week, which means so have I. She was only given part time hours at first, but they've given her Thursday and Friday too which means after April she can finally leave the cinema. The sun is starting to shine, the sky is getting bluer, and the air is slowly getting warmer, all is good :).

Apart from the fact that, as always, i can't focus and have no motivation to do my uni work. My deadlines and exams are looming and i just can't be bothered. which is not good. I did well last semester (I got A, B+ and a B), so i have a good chance of getting a good degree result, though i need to get my head down and read read read.

On top of that, my breast reduction is taking place on 7th June. I'm petrified! I had my pre-operative assessment yesterday and i've put on weight, so the nurse told me i need to lose some just in case (just in case they decide after all not give me the op). Grrr. It's not even a lot that i've put on, and it's just down to laziness, but i'm not happy about it. Ah well, it just has to be done. I also saw the ward that i would be staying in, and it's a cancer ward. I feel a little bit like an intruder, considering most of the patients who are going to be in there are ones who really need treatment, whereas my op isn't essential. But anyways, i'm just happy it's finally getting done, even if i am scared about what life is going to be like with normal-sized boobs. What if i don't like them? Or if i can't recognise myself without them? Ah, i'll just have to wait and see i guess.

The Photos

Because it seems i've finally fallen in love with blogging again, here are some photos to show you what i've been up to, apart from middle aged men touching my boobs and getting good grades at uni ;).
That gorgeous little monkey right there is Baby Boy, H's son. He is almost a year and a half now, and that was the last time i saw him, which was christmas time when H invited us all to hers during the christmas break. He ran around trying to steal H's ipod and stood and danced to our cheesy christmas tunes. All the while holding his blanket in his hand. Bad ass little boy.Then came christmas day, which was strangely un-christmas like. It was 24 degrees C in Malta (which is 75F) so it wasn't particularly wintery and it just felt a bit strange because of financial and familial issues. But it was still a lovely day, even though my mother announced, not very nicely, to the rest of the family that i planned to work next year and not go straight on to a masters. Shock and bloody horror, after 21 years of education i would like to take a break for a year. She thinks i'm being stupid to do it but at the end of the day it is my decision, and i've made it now. Also, one of our dogs wasn't there, i still cry when i think about him and how stupid the vet was for not recognising what he had early enough, when it's so common amongst dogs in Malta. Stupid, over paid, lazy twats (two of them managed to misdiagnose him, before it was too late and vet number three tried his hardest to save him). Anyway, that's my dad and me on christmas day, i'm a daddy's girl.
After christmas came new year's eve. Between christmas and NYE and any time around then i spent playing The Sims 3. I love it becuase you can have same sex couples! So, obviously, i made a nice little lesbian family, and we adopted babies and lived a blissful life. Unfortunately we died after about four days so now our daughter is married to a man and has a child and one more on the way, and our son is engaged. But after playing for a week i got bored and haven't looked at it since. So, NYE we went to a party where there weren't many people and a fully stocked open bar. Let me make that easier to understand. Very few people + fully stocked open bar = absolutely smashed and exhausted by 11.59pm. It was a good night, that didn't involve much except drinking, i danced for a total of 10 minutes, and because of the massive shoes i was wearing and the tightness of my beautiful dress (which arrived the day before NYE, thanks ASOS!) these 10 minutes were not the most comfortable of my life. But overall it was not a failed night. However, the best part of my christmas break came the day after New Year's Day, when J arrived. We had an amazing week in the sun. All we did was eat, go for walks, play with the dog, and have sex (which was a little bit hard in my single bunk beds, but we made it work). We went to some birthday parties/gatherings, we went to watch Avatar in 3D with my brother, his girlfriend, her dad and T. Avatar was incredible. The effects and the colours and the 3D are incredible, you don't really pay much attention to the actual storyline because you sit in awe of the beautiful colours and scenery on the screen. Well, that's what happened to me at least. The story is very Pocahontas-like. But the blues and the pinks and the greens and the tree of life, the place where they have sex anyway, was incredible. If it weren't for the effects and the 3D i think it would just seem like any other film. We also did lots of touristy stuff, went round historic places, visited gardens, had lunch at places with magnificent views of the main harbour, those kinds of things.
Anyway, on top of that we went for walks. My parents live in the countryside, in the middle of them valley, and on one day we went for a walk with my dad and the dog, and then on another we went for a 4 hour walk with the just the dog. It was incredible, the views were amazing as we walked along the coast across four different beaches/bays, and i'm going to post a few photos and shut up now because this post is a million times longer than i intended it to be.


I've edited this post a million times, it's too long for my liking, so i'm going to post the photos on a separate post. Sorry for the lengthiness! I think i may be opting for vlogs more often!

Eyes wide open, naked as we came

I have just discovered an amazing singer on Youtube.. Some of you might know who she is but i hadn't heard any of her music before today, when i decided i wanted to listen to "Naked as we came" by Iron & Wine. I first heard that song on Grey's Anatomy, and today i heard it again for the first time in months on The L Word (season 2, episode 4, when Shane cuts Jenny's hair off). I forgot how much i loved that song.

Anyway, back to Kina Grannis, i haven't listened to any of her original stuff yet, i've just been listening to her covers and they are amazing, her voice is so soft and effortless, perfect for middle of the night easy listening. She's especially perfect when you're in one of those happy, floaty, everythings-just-perfect kind of moods.

Yesterday we spent most of the day in bed, watching crap films and having amazing sex. It was just a perfect day. I can't even think about anything else to write about, i don't want to bore people. The only thing i can think of is university, and i really don't want to think about that yet, i have another week or so till we go back and i'm enjoying wasting some time without feeling too guilty. I'm so happy to be back, and just be out, walk down the street holding her hand, kissing her in public, being able to tell people that she's my girlfriend, it feels amazing.

I hope everyone's having a good time too!

Happiness and progress. And lots more happiness.

Wow i haven't anything in quite a while. I haven't really had anything much going on, my mum and i went to Sicily and obviously i didn't pluck up the courage to come out to her, or at least tell her about J. It was really nice though, especially spending a week alone with my mum just before i left, it kind of helped me feel less guilty about leaving home. So we went to Sicily and we ate lots of good food, drank lots of good wine and met lots of pervy Italian men. My mum is almost 45 and she looks really good for her age, she's half my size and has a beautiful face (thats where i got it from hahaaa), so everywhere we went these pervy Sicilians followed us around and stared at us really unashamedly. It got rather annoying.

I really really wanted to tell her about J before i came back to Derby (which i did on Monday) and on Sunday night i finally did it. She actually knows, its amazing, it just makes our relationship seem more real somehow. It wasn't a very long conversation, but at least it happened and now most people back home know about us. I couldn't blurt it out myself, but she guessed which made it so much easier. Inevitably she told me "don't commit, you're still young" but i wasn't really listening at this point, my mind was just buzzing and i just wanted to talk to J.
So that was that! She hugged me and said she doesn't care as long as i'm happy and she's acting exactly the same which is brilliant.

And now i'm back in Derby and i have never felt happier. Waking up next to her, feeling her skin against mine, looking at her beautiful face, i am just in absolute heaven and can't imagine anything different.

It's our one year anniversary in about a month and a half, and i want to get something amazing. Any ideas?

Pride and joy

Today i am very proud of J. In May she finished her degree and one of her lecturers (who is gay, and who she's crazy about btw, but such is life when having an honest girlfriend) has almost got her a job teaching at college. On top of that, she emaild the people behind the feminist website The F Word with a suggestion for an article and was told that it's a brilliant idea and they old love for her to write it for them. It seems J is quite the writer, she had a creative writing class at uni and was told by her lecturer that she should try and get some of her stuff published. So today i am extremely proud of her.

I hadn't heard of the website before, so obviously i had to do a bit of snooping and checked it out. I found this article, about Same-sex hand holding (Sshh!) Saturday.

On this day, same-sex couples and friends all over the world are encouraged to hold hands in public to support the visibility of Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans (LGBT) people. Sshh! Saturdays will occur on the last Saturday of every month, publicised by A Day In Hand. This is a revolutionary way of encouraging and inspiring LGBT people to take responsibility for their equality and live their lives without fear or restraint.

Read the whole thing, i think it's a brilliant idea, especially if people outside the LGBT community take part to show their support.


In other news, tomorrow i'm off to Sicily for a week with my mum, and in 12 days i go back to Derby and to J, which i absolutely cannot wait for. I'm going to take her out for dinner as soon as i arrive, i was thinking sushi as there's a sushi place that opened up in Derby a couple of weeks before i left back in June and we never got the chance (or had enough money) to go and eat there. Now's our chance, before i become a social hermit and have to focus on finishing my bloody degree. Arghhh.

Let's just stay, let's just stay, i wanna lie in bed all day. We'll be laughing all the waaaay.

Yesterday i spent the day on the beach with my mum. We went parakiting (or parasailing, or parachuting..). It was amazing! We were harnessed on to a parachute and a boat pulled us along over the sea. It was an incredible experience. We had a really lovely day, we had a nice lunch and it was then that i thought about telling her about J. She was in a really good mood, and slightly drunk cos we drank a bottle of (really good) wine. But i didn't. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh why does it have to be so hard! I just want to get it over with so i can stop feeling guilty about lying to her and my dad and get on with being happy with J.

As always, we couldn't go one day without having little arguments, and as always they were about university. The main one being that i want to take a year out after i finish my degree in May (fuck me i can't believe it) so i can work, and just relax because i've been at some form of school all my life and it's getting a little bit boring. Also so i can save up for my Masters. And J also plays a part in it. We've been together for 10 months, but it still feels all new and lovely, and since i'm moving away from Derby to do my Masters, i want to stay in Derby for an extra year, especially if we're still together. To be honest i'd want to stay even if we're not because i love it there, i've really settled in and have friends there now. But my mother doesn't understand this, she didn't want me to go in the first place and she still thinks that as soon as i've finished my studies i'm going to move back home.

But anyway, i have three weeks left to do it, and at the moment i'm busy worrying about my Dissertation. I'm enjoying my little bubble of happiness, and worry that if i let any more people in they will burst it for me :(.

Plus this past week my back's been terrible :(.

You love me, I love harder so

Tomorrow is J's birthday. She's only been gone a few days but I wish I was with her. These past few weeks have been amazing, but now i'm really looking forward to going back to Derby. Not just cos of J, but cos of my friends too and just to be in Derby. It really feels like home now.

Like I anticipated, T was a bit weird with J when I introduced them in Spain. Seeing J in Spain was absolutely amazing, the feeling i got when i saw her for the first time was incredible. She was standing on the beach looking fit as fuck in her bikini and i saw her before she saw me and i could see the excitement and anticipation on her face. It was incredible! I met her every day while we were at the music festival, and luckily towards the end of the week T loosened up. But being there with her was amazing, it felt exactly like it did at the very beginning, we couldn't keep our hands off each other, we were laughing constantly, it really was brilliant. After a week at the festival in Benicassim, we went to Valencia and J and her friend were coming the day after and they hadn't booked in anywhere, so i booked them a room in the hotel we were staying in, which had it's obvious perks :). We walked around Valencia for a couple of hours, and you know when you think back to something and one thing really sticks out about that occasion, well from that day i remember laughing constantly with her. At each other, with each other, at other people, at absolutely everything.

She came to Malta a few days after we got back, and even though it was amazing, we quickly got back into our comfortable routine. It was so great having her here. My family and friends loved her, but now the pressure's on cos i decided i would come out to my parents after she left. And when i decided this there were months left and now she's gone and i'm going back in less than a month and i am scared shitless. But anyway, i shall not go on about it, instead i'll post a couple of photos.

These are my favourite ones of J and me while she was here.















The first one is one my favourite photos ever. I love the way she's resting her chin on my back, and the look in her eyes.

Picture This

Because i love photos.
I stole this idea from Julie.

A picture of you very drunk.

I had never been (and haven't been since then) that drunk. Half the night does not exist in my memory.

A picture of you on your birthday.

This is my birthday last year, because i don't have any photos on my birthday this year. My hair has grown lots since then, i had only cut it as a change after my ex split up with me. I didn't really like it at the time but now i think it looked cute!

A picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.


A picture of you truly being yourself.

I'm not exactly sure why i chose this, i was having loads of fun fooling around at the end of summer in the rain with my brother.

A picture of you being ridiculous (and drunk for that matter).

This makes me laugh out loud every single time i look at it.

A picture of you showing off a new haircut/color. (This was a hard one cos i haven't had more than a trim in over a year and i don't colour my hair.)


A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.


A picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldnt be more thankful that it is.
I think i can honestly say there is no particular time in my life where i wasn't happy. There are many individual occasions i wish had never happened, but luckily i have no photos of them.

A picture of you with someone you love.

You might recognise these two from the photo above. They're two of my friends who i came out to last night. H is on the far left.

A picture that describes how you'd like to spend every day.

Anywhere as long as she's there.

A picture that makes your heart hurt.
There is only one photo which makes my heart hurt. It's one of my mother, father, brother and me in Disney World. It's in a little disney frame and cos it's so old the only time i tried to take it out some of the photo got stuck to the glass on the front. So it just stays there.

A picture that makes your heart smile.
There are so many! But because J is the only thing that has been on my mind for the last 8 months, and definitely will be in the next few months..


A picture of one of the best nights of your life.


:)

Dutch courage

Last night was a great night. I couldn't get the shisha bong to work but apart from that it was an evening of splendor! We were on a beach drinking and talking about shit AND i got the courage to tell my friends about J! I'm so happy i did, at long last! I feel so relieved, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If the alcohol hadn't been involved, i definitely wouldn't have had the courage to come out, but now that i have i'm so happy that i did!

There were six of us, and i'm not sure how it came about, but the other three (two of whom already knew about J) went to the toilet, leaving me with H (who's one of my oldest friends, she is also mother of Baby Boy) and N (who's a relatively new friend but she's one of us now). So, as i usually do when i have something big to say, i told H i wanted to tell her something but i couldn't. She pressed and asked "why can't you? why can't you?" so i asked her to guess. Sure enough, without hesitation, she said "you're a lesbian." I mumbled a sound that was meant to signify that i'm not sure, then i said "you know jodie? she's my girlfriend. we've been together for 8 months." She jumped up and came over to hug me and said "i knew it. i knew it" over and over and then she started crying, and is tarted crying, and we were one big hysterical mess. Apparently she'd guessed, just from the posts J left on my wall on facebook. Ah well i'm just glad she knows. Once the other three came back i told A, and then the conversation moved on to the sex! So it went really well, i'm really happy now :). I'm a little bit nervous about when she comes now though, i really want them to like her!

This photo from last night made me laugh out loud.

I'm inside my trousers!

Hope you Thursday's going ok!

Sunbathing and Alton Towers photos

Here are some photos from the two sunny days in Derby (we seem to get two scorching days every year and if you don't make the most of them, you've fucked it) and our day at Alton Towers. Apart from the rides, my favourite thing was the aquarium. I tried to take photos but without the flash on most of them came all fuzzy.

J and me in the park


I got to the top of the spider web..


..she didn't!


There was a blowfish in the tank next to her (see what i mean about fuzziness..)


I think we were in the queue for the log flume here..


And here.



There are some other photos that i want to put up but they're a bit more, erm, intimate i guess lol, and since my laptop is still out of action i'm using my mum's. So they're going to have to wait till my laptop's fixed, which hopefully will be soon cos i miss the stupid thing.

Home is where the heart is.

I'm back home! I'm one year older than i was when i was here last time. And i'm a litle bit sad. But i'll not go into it cos i can imagine how bored you're all getting of my missing J stuff..

Well i got another result back and i got a B+! I'm very happy with that, even though with one more mark it would have been A- and that would have looked even better but anyway. Hopefully if i get between a C+ and B+ on my other two modules then my 2:1 isn't looking so impossible after all!

So that has cheered me up a bit. I'm still petrified about third year though. I emailed the lecturer who's supervising my IS (its Independent Studies, that's dissertation or thesis or whatever you want to call it) because i was meant to get her to physically sign my sign up sheet and then take it to the lecturer who supervises the IS module, but i'm home now and won't be back till September, so that's fucked it hasn't it lol. And i have to get an enhanced CRB which she said could take months to get done. Just brilliant.

Anyway, we had quite a nice last day together yesterday (see i couldn't keep off the subject for long lol). In the morning we carted all my crap from my house to J's friend's house, which took us more than 3 hours, and my shoulders and back are really suffering cos of it now. Once we'd finally got that done we showered and went to meet a couple of friends from work for coffee, where we decided to have cocktails instead to reward ourselves after the long morning. Then we went shopping a bit, well J went shopping. Then we went back to her friends house and waited till it was time for me to leave.

And now i'm here and it's boiling, it's so hot. I'm not used to this heat anymore. Last year i came home in May, so it was still not this hot and got weened into the heat. This year i was just thrown into it. And the heat here is a really damp, humid one, so when it's really hot it feels really stuffy. Anyway, i'm just going to look forward to Beni and for J to come.

Happy summer everyone! Sorry for my depresing tones lol.

emotional polarity

I'm happy, but not happy at the same time. J took me to Alton Towers for my birthday on Monday, and it was incredible! I absolutely loved it, it was the best birthday present ever! We had such an amazing day, just the two of us with nothing to worry about.

However, as always, an amazing day can't just remain an amazing day can it? Just before we left i went to get my camera out of my back and it was soaked. I had a can of Relentless (which is like Red Bull) in my bag and somehow it had burst and my camera (which i bought over christmas) and my phone (which i got only back in March) were completely soaked. We took the batteries and cards and stuff out and dried them and when we got back to hers i tried to switch them on but they stayed off. Luckily my phone seems to be working again now, but the camera isn't and my laptop's still fucked. Buuttt anyway.

Yesterday J planned a little surprise party for me at K's flat :). They made some epic mexican food. Nachos to start with and then burritos and stuffed peppers. On top of the party and Alton Towers, she also bought me a dress for my birthday, i really can't believe how much she's done for over the past couple of days. The only person who's ever made such a fuss over me on my brithday is my mum! Lol.
The reason i'm feeling a little bit sad is because i'm going home tomorrow. I hated being away from her for a week in Aberdeen let alone not seeing her for a month. Plus i didn't do as well on one of my essays as i thought i would, and i'm a bit upset about it. Luckily we had a presentation to do to and that took my grade up to a C+ but now it's making me worry about all my other grades. Plus i'm in one of those "i can't see the point" moods. I'm looking forward to going home only to see my parents, i really just want to spend the first couple of weeks at home but i don't think my friends would like it. Also i'm not looking forward to having noone know that J and I are together. I've told everyone what she's done for me for my birthday but it's not the same, i really want them to know how amazing she is but i still don't have the guts to tell them. Then i have to start work and even though i enjoy it, work is still work. Then i have to worry about preparing for my final uni year next year, which i am dreading. If i don't get a 2:1 at least i really think my mum will kill me. Then i have to worry about what i want to do after uni cos that's only a year away, and if i want to continue studying i have to apply in October.
Eugh, plus to top it all off i've got my period. Greeaaat. And i'm worried i'm gonna have to pay overwight on my luggage.

I hope everyone else is a little bit more cheerful than i am! I have to go and finish packing all my crap and wait for J to finish work. The one good thing about going home is hopefully i can start blogging regularly again and keeping up with everyone else! Happy Wednesday, and Happy B'day to me lol :)

Discrimination or just plain ignorance?

J had a doctors appointment this morning and she came back a little bit annoyed. She's been meaning to go for a few weeks and today she finally went. She went in and told the doctor (a woman doctor, if that makes any difference) what was wrong. Here's the main gist of the conversation:

Doctor: Are you on the pill?

J: No

Doctor: Are you using any contraception of any kind?

J: No..

Doctor: Are you trying to conceive?

J: No, I'm gay.

[Confused/bemused look from the doctor]

J: And my girlfriend doesn't have long nails.

Doctor: So what kind of sex do you actually have? (WTF?)

J: Sorry??

Doctor: Manual sex?

J: Err, fingers..

[Conversation continues fairly normally]

Doctor: Have you ever actually had heterosexual sex?

J: Err, yes..


Now, i don't know if this doctor is just extremely ignorant, or if she was being discriminative. J was quite pissed off and she's even considering putting in a complaint. Derby's a very gay friendly community and i don't think she's ever experienced any form of discrimination, at least nothing she ever mentions. I've never experienced anything of the sort, but i'm sure i will when i come out back home.

On a lighter note, J's parents have gone away for a couple of weeks, so we have her house almost to ourselves (her brother's there). It wouldn't really matter, it's just that she has a double bed and i have a single bed, and a proper house with a living room and proper kitchen, which i miss so much living in halls. I'm going to make us lasagna sometime this week cos all my pots and pans are crap and her mum has real ones. Yay :)

Hope you all had a good Monday, i have to study for my exam tomorrow morning, not so yay.