New bras and scars

That first day of the operation passed quite quickly, as the anaesthetic wore off I slept for most of the rest of the day (which wasn't very long as I was in the theatre for 5 hours), the only time I was properly awake was when I had to go the toilet. I had a drain in each of my boobs, so going to the toilet that first time was hard, i had a drain in each hand therefore no hands free. After a strange night's sleep I woke up feeling more myself.

The drains weren't so bad, except if I forgot about them the entry wounds stung like bitch! Luckily I took to the hospital treatment well and avoided moving as much as possible! My first drain was taken out just the morning after, and the second drain the morning after that.

The first time I saw them properly was when one of the nurses fitted me with a bra. There was a mirror in the fitting room and when I took my gown off and looked in the mirror it was as if I was looking at someone else's body. It just didn't look like me. I mean they still looked like my boobs but there were bits of body I hadn't seen for years! Ha;f of the skin between my belly button and underneath my boobs had been covered by boob mass for so many years, it was so surreal to look in the mirror and see these average-sized, perky breasts with normal sized nipples on my body.

They have been healing very well, they were never very bruised, just lots of yellow bruising, no massive purpleness or anything. My dressings were taken off only a week after the operation. I have dissolvable stitches with dark purple glue holding everything together. The glue falls off when the wound has healed, and now, 3 weeks on, most of the glue has fallen off. They're a bit dry and I need to moisturise them often and out stuff on the scars, but they're still a little temder, at least one is. The nipple on my left boob is still sre, and every time I brush it (you really take for granted how easily you brush your boobs against things) it makes me very aware.

Whilst there was a little bit of suffering and strangeness and sadness (part of me will miss my gigantic bosom), I'm really happy with the results. They look completely in proportion with my body shape and height (except for the massive belly I have grown since I haven't been very active for 3 weeks plus my mum's been here fattening me up!). I have already bought clothes that I would never have been bale to buy before, including shirts which button up all the way without gaping! Proper, fitted, womeny shirts, which I shall be wearing, smart ocassion or not, from now on. I have only tried on one bikini and couldn't really look past the glue sticking poking out in places so I'm going to wait a while longer before I dive into them. i think I'm going to need ones that cover up the scars properly this year, because they'll obviously still be very pronounced.

So that's that! The 2kg the surgeon removed from my chest I seem to have accumulated onto my belly, even though I think my belly is exactly the same, it's just that there isn't a massive mass of boob to draw attention away from it! It will have to go sharpish.

J and my mum have both been amazing throughout this. From the start, the first time I showed J my new boobs she said she loved them already and thought they looked perfect on me. I think her (and my mum's, but her's mainly cos I obviously want her to love them) encouragement has been a great help. If I was with someone who didn't want me to get it done then I don't think I owuld have been happy with the results, whereas now I'm excited about being naked with her again (I have to wear a sports bra for 4 - 6 weeks, no underwire, 3 down!), properly naked! I'm also excited about underwear, these support bras have left me with no cleavage which is a strange phenomenon to me.

So that's that!
Whenever I think about it, I still can't believe I've actually had it done, but I'm so glad I have, and I'm sure that in a couple of months I'll have forgotten all the negatives to it and be enjoying th benefits of a much lighter chest.

At the moment my mum and I are in Cambridge staying with my aunt (the one who I visited in Aberdeen last year). J came to stay over the weekend and it was amazing, she got on really well with my aunt and everything was great.

Next weekend we are going to London to watch Jay Z and Lily Allen (AT LAST!) at Wireless festival, and we have also found out that London Pride is on at the same time! So I'm very excited about that! I've never been to any Pride and I think London Pride would be a very good way to lose my pride virginity!

Hope you are all enjoying your summers, and prides, and thank you for keeping up with me and my inconsistent posts.

The BB award, Bloginterviewer, and a year of blog!

This week has been a lovely week for my dear old blog. Yesterday it turned one whole year old! I neglected it a little bit between summer and the new year, but i'm back and i'm loving it again!

Also, some wonderful person (tell me who you are!) nominated me for a Blog Interview! Thank you so much to whoever did, let me know who you are! You can read my interview here and, you know, vote for me if you want to :).



Finally the lovely Jude over at 7 Senses nominated me for a Beautiful Blogger award! Jude was one of the first people i followed when i started blogging a year ago, and one of the first to follow me back! So you should all go and say hi to her, if you haven't already :)

The rules of the award are:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

Ok, i don't think i'll be passing it along to 15 bloggers, but i'll leave that till the end.

Seven things about me, this is going to be hard, i tend to write about everything on here!
1. I was born, baptised and raised Catholic. I am Catholic but I don't practice, I don't go to church. Partly out of laziness, partly because I don't believe in a lot of what the church says. Especially the Maltese Catholic church: Gay is wrong, gay marriage is wrong, sex before marriage, children born outside of marriage, divorce, abortion.. The last two are both illegal in Malta because the church is such a dominating force over the government.

2. I am a terrible procrastinator. I usually have about 5 windows open at the same time, even more if i'm meant to be working. I watch youtube videos, refresh facebook, stalk people on twitter, read blogs, all to avoid doing anything merely productive.

3. The only time i stop procrastinating is when food is involved. I would choose food over almost anything. I love love love eating, i love savoury food, especially cheese. In fact i made my dad bring some maltese cheese over to England when he was here these past couple of days. I love meat, veg, fruit, pasta, bread, pizza, any and all types of food. Especially cheese. Oh and cheesecake. Yum!

4. I've only had two 'serious' boyfriends before J, and only slept with 3 guys before her. That one crazy drunken night changed my life forever!

5. Only one person in my life knows I blog, and she doesn't read it. The reason I started this blog was to be able to get things off my chest without worrying about offending others or being judged, so i've only ever told one woman, who did her first year of uni with me and came out around the same time i did. No one, not even J knows, which is a bit weird sometimes because i would like to tell her how well i'm doing suddenly, but I like having my own little space to get things off my chest :).

6. I don't have any tattoos, though i would like one but knowing me i'd cry in the chair lol! I'm a wimp, and J has told me many times that i probably wouldn't be able to sit through a whole session. I have one piercing, my belly button, which i got when i was 14. Sometimes i consider taking it out but my belly looks too weird without it.

7. My favourite part of my body is my hair :)

Ok, the people I'm going to pass this blog on to are:

More sex, chocolate and red lipstick - Amy here is a student, and her blog posts are always fun and interesting. I started following her on blogspot and now she has migrated over to wordpress and i've only just managed to put her back on to my blog list. On top of that, she's pretty hot!

Finding Claire - Claire writes about her life with her girlfriend, pretty much in the same way I do, and I love reading about what they get up to, as well as beign able to relate to what's going on in her life :)

Just, because - Ashleigh is also gay and has a girlfriend, and a little younger than me, so i love reading her blog because i wasn't out when i was her age, and to read things from her perspective is great.

Learning how to sail my ship - Finally, Crystal is another lesbian who i love reading, it's just nice to get a little insight into peoples thoughts and feelings, and Crystal writes about things and people she likes as well as her life.

Check them out, i love them!

Finally, i want to end this post with this video i came across on facebook/youtube which really amused me:

Coming out to strangers and great boobie news

out to strangers is really bizarre. It's completely different to telling someone you know, yet it still feels just as hard. I've been lucky here in England because i've known most of them since more or less the time when J and i got together, or else they didn't know me well enough to know whether i was gay or not so it was easy for me to tell them. It wasn't as easy to tell people back home, but i was quietly confident/hopeful that that would be ok with it.

It seems coming out to strangers is the hardest of the three. I still find myself calling J my friend, even though we've been together for almost 18 months. I really have to push the words 'my girlfriend' out of my mouth. Hardly anyone at the school where I work knows about J and today i mentioned her in a conversation and said 'my friend' and then finally, at the end of the conversation, mentioned 'my girlfriend'. I think it's probably subconsciously feeling that they will judge me, as well as the fact that i haven't been out very long, it's all very confusing.

I also find telling men is much easier than telling women. Again, i think maybe it's because i subconsciously worry that a woman might feel awkward around me if they knew i was gay. Why, i do not know. I've never really thought about it until today. Has anyone else ever thought about it? One of the strangest thing was putting J down as my next of kin on my hospital forms, seeing as she's the only family i have here.

Oh, and i finally have a date for my breast reduction surgery, it's going to take place on 7th June! I have a pre-op assessment next Wednesday. Keep an eye out because i'm going to start a different blog about it, mainly because i've read other people's blogs about their experiences and they played a big part in my decision as to whether or not to actually have the surgery. Yay!

Because it seems i've finally fallen in love with blogging again, here are some photos to show you what i've been up to, apart from middle aged men touching my boobs and getting good grades at uni ;).
That gorgeous little monkey right there is Baby Boy, H's son. He is almost a year and a half now, and that was the last time i saw him, which was christmas time when H invited us all to hers during the christmas break. He ran around trying to steal H's ipod and stood and danced to our cheesy christmas tunes. All the while holding his blanket in his hand. Bad ass little boy.Then came christmas day, which was strangely un-christmas like. It was 24 degrees C in Malta (which is 75F) so it wasn't particularly wintery and it just felt a bit strange because of financial and familial issues. But it was still a lovely day, even though my mother announced, not very nicely, to the rest of the family that i planned to work next year and not go straight on to a masters. Shock and bloody horror, after 21 years of education i would like to take a break for a year. She thinks i'm being stupid to do it but at the end of the day it is my decision, and i've made it now. Also, one of our dogs wasn't there, i still cry when i think about him and how stupid the vet was for not recognising what he had early enough, when it's so common amongst dogs in Malta. Stupid, over paid, lazy twats (two of them managed to misdiagnose him, before it was too late and vet number three tried his hardest to save him). Anyway, that's my dad and me on christmas day, i'm a daddy's girl.
After christmas came new year's eve. Between christmas and NYE and any time around then i spent playing The Sims 3. I love it becuase you can have same sex couples! So, obviously, i made a nice little lesbian family, and we adopted babies and lived a blissful life. Unfortunately we died after about four days so now our daughter is married to a man and has a child and one more on the way, and our son is engaged. But after playing for a week i got bored and haven't looked at it since. So, NYE we went to a party where there weren't many people and a fully stocked open bar. Let me make that easier to understand. Very few people + fully stocked open bar = absolutely smashed and exhausted by 11.59pm. It was a good night, that didn't involve much except drinking, i danced for a total of 10 minutes, and because of the massive shoes i was wearing and the tightness of my beautiful dress (which arrived the day before NYE, thanks ASOS!) these 10 minutes were not the most comfortable of my life. But overall it was not a failed night. However, the best part of my christmas break came the day after New Year's Day, when J arrived. We had an amazing week in the sun. All we did was eat, go for walks, play with the dog, and have sex (which was a little bit hard in my single bunk beds, but we made it work). We went to some birthday parties/gatherings, we went to watch Avatar in 3D with my brother, his girlfriend, her dad and T. Avatar was incredible. The effects and the colours and the 3D are incredible, you don't really pay much attention to the actual storyline because you sit in awe of the beautiful colours and scenery on the screen. Well, that's what happened to me at least. The story is very Pocahontas-like. But the blues and the pinks and the greens and the tree of life, the place where they have sex anyway, was incredible. If it weren't for the effects and the 3D i think it would just seem like any other film. We also did lots of touristy stuff, went round historic places, visited gardens, had lunch at places with magnificent views of the main harbour, those kinds of things.
Anyway, on top of that we went for walks. My parents live in the countryside, in the middle of them valley, and on one day we went for a walk with my dad and the dog, and then on another we went for a 4 hour walk with the just the dog. It was incredible, the views were amazing as we walked along the coast across four different beaches/bays, and i'm going to post a few photos and shut up now because this post is a million times longer than i intended it to be.


I've edited this post a million times, it's too long for my liking, so i'm going to post the photos on a separate post. Sorry for the lengthiness! I think i may be opting for vlogs more often!

Vlog experiment

So i've decided to try vlogging, i even edited the video, not brilliantly, and it took me ages, but maybe listening to me for 4 minutes will be more enjoyable for you than reading pages of words! Tell me what you think, be gentle lol :)

Happiness and progress. And lots more happiness.

Wow i haven't anything in quite a while. I haven't really had anything much going on, my mum and i went to Sicily and obviously i didn't pluck up the courage to come out to her, or at least tell her about J. It was really nice though, especially spending a week alone with my mum just before i left, it kind of helped me feel less guilty about leaving home. So we went to Sicily and we ate lots of good food, drank lots of good wine and met lots of pervy Italian men. My mum is almost 45 and she looks really good for her age, she's half my size and has a beautiful face (thats where i got it from hahaaa), so everywhere we went these pervy Sicilians followed us around and stared at us really unashamedly. It got rather annoying.

I really really wanted to tell her about J before i came back to Derby (which i did on Monday) and on Sunday night i finally did it. She actually knows, its amazing, it just makes our relationship seem more real somehow. It wasn't a very long conversation, but at least it happened and now most people back home know about us. I couldn't blurt it out myself, but she guessed which made it so much easier. Inevitably she told me "don't commit, you're still young" but i wasn't really listening at this point, my mind was just buzzing and i just wanted to talk to J.
So that was that! She hugged me and said she doesn't care as long as i'm happy and she's acting exactly the same which is brilliant.

And now i'm back in Derby and i have never felt happier. Waking up next to her, feeling her skin against mine, looking at her beautiful face, i am just in absolute heaven and can't imagine anything different.

It's our one year anniversary in about a month and a half, and i want to get something amazing. Any ideas?

Is it alright for me to feel this way?

Yesterday i started watching season 1 of The L Word again, skipping the bits i found boring, ie. anything involving Jenny (except her sex scenes with Marina of course). I spent the majority afternoon watching episodes 4 till 10, when i should have been reading up about discourse analysis for my IS (independent studies - my dissertation/thesis whatever you want to call it).

J went to Leeds festival this weekend, which i am quite jealous of cos Kings of Leon played/are playing tonight, and they were meant to play at Beni, but had to cancel cos of strong winds. Because of strong winds! T, F and I queued for about 6 hours to make sure we got right to front, right near the barriers, all to be told we had to fuck off back to our tents cos they were scared that the stage was going to fall apart and the equipment wasn't working well. Not happy! So cos J was away for the weekend we've hardly talked, except for a couple of texts. So now i'm looking forward to go home so we can talk again after almost a week. On Wednesday my mum and i are going to Sicily for a week, i'm really excited, i'm looking forward to getting away, and hopefully i'll pluck up the courage to come out to her while we're there, bonding over good food, good wine, and even better shopping. We come back the Wednesday after, and the Monday after that (which would be two weeks from tomorrow) i finally go back to Derby.

I'm really looking forward to going back, if only to be able to be out properly and not have to worry about coming out to anyone, or introducing J as my friend, i can hold her hand in public and across the table when we go out for dinner. Just the little things that we couldn't while she was here. I'm not particularily looking forward to my final year of uni, or the idea of making decisions about my future when i've finished, but ah, such is life.

I also have a feeling that two of our cats are gay. They are both girls and are constantly together and rubbing up against each other the way cats do, bump heads, rub bodies. But that is not the extent of it! Have you ever seen a male and female cat flirting? We have loads of cats, they come and eat our food, often uninvited, so i have been witness to plenty of feline flirting. The female cat rolls around on her back meowing, while the male cat sits and watches. Kind of like a feline lap dancer, or exotic dancer. Today, these two female cats rolled around in that way together, rubbing their heads together as they did it, then they lay on their stomachs facing each other and rubbed noses, licked each others paws, play fought, the works. I am absolutely convinced they have seen the light and have fallen madly in love with each other. I said this to my mother, and she laughed at me. Pah.

You love me, I love harder so

Tomorrow is J's birthday. She's only been gone a few days but I wish I was with her. These past few weeks have been amazing, but now i'm really looking forward to going back to Derby. Not just cos of J, but cos of my friends too and just to be in Derby. It really feels like home now.

Like I anticipated, T was a bit weird with J when I introduced them in Spain. Seeing J in Spain was absolutely amazing, the feeling i got when i saw her for the first time was incredible. She was standing on the beach looking fit as fuck in her bikini and i saw her before she saw me and i could see the excitement and anticipation on her face. It was incredible! I met her every day while we were at the music festival, and luckily towards the end of the week T loosened up. But being there with her was amazing, it felt exactly like it did at the very beginning, we couldn't keep our hands off each other, we were laughing constantly, it really was brilliant. After a week at the festival in Benicassim, we went to Valencia and J and her friend were coming the day after and they hadn't booked in anywhere, so i booked them a room in the hotel we were staying in, which had it's obvious perks :). We walked around Valencia for a couple of hours, and you know when you think back to something and one thing really sticks out about that occasion, well from that day i remember laughing constantly with her. At each other, with each other, at other people, at absolutely everything.

She came to Malta a few days after we got back, and even though it was amazing, we quickly got back into our comfortable routine. It was so great having her here. My family and friends loved her, but now the pressure's on cos i decided i would come out to my parents after she left. And when i decided this there were months left and now she's gone and i'm going back in less than a month and i am scared shitless. But anyway, i shall not go on about it, instead i'll post a couple of photos.

These are my favourite ones of J and me while she was here.















The first one is one my favourite photos ever. I love the way she's resting her chin on my back, and the look in her eyes.

Finally

Tomorrow night I fly to Valencia T and our friend F, by 6.30 we'll be in Benicassim for what should be 10 of the best, most epic days ever. I finally get to see J after more than 4 weeks, and then i get to see Oasis, Kings of Leon, The Killers, Franz Ferdinand, Lily Allen, Boyz Noize, Glasvegas, Mystery Jets, Pete Doherty and loads more with a beer in my hand and my favourite people around me! You might realise that i'm a tad excited.

T's been worrying me a bit, she's acted exactly the same since i told her, but whenever we talk about about J, she goes a bit funny. She asked me the other day, "aren't you a bit sad that you're going to be single at Benicassim?" And i said, "no, cos i'm happy with her. If i wasn't happy then i would be, but i am so i'm not. Plus she's gonna be there so it's ok."

Then at some point we talking about sex, and she said "that's not real sex no is it." Well, not technically, but it's fucking better than hetero sex! And she keeps asking me how i can be sure, and she doesn't really pay attention, at least that's how i feel, when i talk about her. And when i told her that i want her to like J, because obviously it's important to me that my best friend likes my girlfriend, and she said it doesn't matter, if i'm happy she'll be happy for me. And then she said that i haven't liked some of her ex boyfriends, and i said yes, cos they treated you like shit! And J treats me really well and is really good for me, and goes out of her way to make me happy, so there isn't any reason why she shouldn't like her.

Ah well. At least I know my other friends are going to make an effort with her. I told H that J's nervous to meet everyone, and she said there's obviously something i like about her, so they're bound to like her too. I love my friends. And T obviously, i just hope she doesn't act weird around J, especially since she's going to be in Beni too. Ah well, we'll see. I probably won't be blogging for quite a while, so i hope everyone has a good few weeks! x

Dutch courage

Last night was a great night. I couldn't get the shisha bong to work but apart from that it was an evening of splendor! We were on a beach drinking and talking about shit AND i got the courage to tell my friends about J! I'm so happy i did, at long last! I feel so relieved, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If the alcohol hadn't been involved, i definitely wouldn't have had the courage to come out, but now that i have i'm so happy that i did!

There were six of us, and i'm not sure how it came about, but the other three (two of whom already knew about J) went to the toilet, leaving me with H (who's one of my oldest friends, she is also mother of Baby Boy) and N (who's a relatively new friend but she's one of us now). So, as i usually do when i have something big to say, i told H i wanted to tell her something but i couldn't. She pressed and asked "why can't you? why can't you?" so i asked her to guess. Sure enough, without hesitation, she said "you're a lesbian." I mumbled a sound that was meant to signify that i'm not sure, then i said "you know jodie? she's my girlfriend. we've been together for 8 months." She jumped up and came over to hug me and said "i knew it. i knew it" over and over and then she started crying, and is tarted crying, and we were one big hysterical mess. Apparently she'd guessed, just from the posts J left on my wall on facebook. Ah well i'm just glad she knows. Once the other three came back i told A, and then the conversation moved on to the sex! So it went really well, i'm really happy now :). I'm a little bit nervous about when she comes now though, i really want them to like her!

This photo from last night made me laugh out loud.

I'm inside my trousers!

Hope you Thursday's going ok!

Cheering up & Wednesday Weirdness #59

I'm currently sat at the waterpolo club where i've spent every summer practically since i was born. The sky is perfect blue, the temperature's in the 30s (Celsius, don't ask me bout farenheit lol!) and the sea is just a couple of feet away from me. I'm happy now! I spent the early afternoon at the beach with three of my best friends, i've topped up my tan and i'm drinking an (unfortunately warm) iced tea. Bliss! All that's missing is J! But anyway, i'm happy again.

Yesterday there was a powercut across the whole island. And we didn't have any water either. So my mum and i spent the day doing fuck all, playing with kittens and doing crosswords. You never realise how much you rely on certain things until they're taken away from you. Luckily the electricity came back in the evening, and i have my wonderful laptop back! Yay! And it's been completely cleaned so it's running like a brand new one would be. The battery's lasting longer than 30 minutes and it takes about 5 seconds to load things for me. I'm so happy to have it back, i've apologised to it for even considering buying a new one to replace it. I love you Laptop and always will!

Tonight my friends and i are going to drink on the beach, we're having an Arabian themed night. I have a shisha bong too and i haven't used it yet this summer so i'm dead excited!

Anyway, on to Wednesday Weirdness..

1.) Do you/Did you ever have a piggy bank shaped like a pig? What do you keep your spare change in?
Yes i did. I still do but i don't use it. I usually leave my spare change running around, or in an empty glasses case, or in my little shot glass. Anywhere!

2.) Be honest. Have you ever stolen anything before?
Yes. My brother and i stole chewing gum once and our mum made us give it back. And other things.

3.) Would it be more awkward to be walked in on during sex by your parents or your children?
I don't have children, so i'll say my parents.

4.) How comfortable would you be at a nude beach? Would you keep your clothes on, keep it modest or bare it all?
I wouldn't bare all. And i'd only go topless if i was with friends or my partner and if there were people who looked like they were only there to perv then i wouldn't.

5.) Where is a place that seems fun and sexy to get it on at but in reality probably wouldn't work out very well?
The sea/a pool/any form of water. I haven't had full sex in the sea but i did fool around and it was a bit uncomfortable and i didn't feel very much. Snogging in the sea is ace though.

6.) Do you have sex less in the summer because of the hot temperatures?
Erm, no! That's what fans and ACs are for! It makes the atmosphere even more heated. The only thing i don't like is men get even sweatier in the heat, my ex used to drip all over me, it wasn't sexy. Lucky i have a girlfriend now who doesn't sweat so much!

7.) Have you ever had a dream that was in black and white?
I don't think so.

Bonus: When you have a naughty dream, most often is it usually your partner in the dream with you or someone else?
With J they're mostly about her. It depends on what happened before. If i don't see J for a while, the sex dreams usually involve her. But if i'd just spent loads of time with her it could involve someone else.

Happy Wednesday!

More good boobie news!

My doctor rang me on Thursday to tell me she'd got me a surgeon referral. Yay! I have to pick it up from the surgery reception and ring the surgeon and make an appointment and he'll take all my body measurements etc. I'm so frickin excited now!! xD

I have an exam on Tuesday, which i am NOT prepared for and i can't be bothered to study (as usual). Next Saturday i'm going to Aberdeen to stay with my aunt for a week, we'll call her Lal :). My uncle, M, is coming up from Malta too so it's going to be a mini family reunion outside the country. I'm really excited, i went to Aberdeen for a couple of days last year and it's an amazing city. It's full of old buildings made of granite (i think..) and old streets, hilly streets lol, with small traditional pubs hidden in back alleys. So yeah i'm excited about that..

I'm kind of looking forward to going home. Well, i am obviously. Good food, good friends, and good family. But I won't see J for more than a month, probably almost 2 months. She's going to Beni in July too, but there are going to be thousands of people there so chances of us finding each other are quite slim. But anywaysssss. We have a few weeks left before i leave. Plus there are too many things to be excited about for me to be sad about anything :D.

Should i be flattered?

I haven't posted a proper post in a while, mainly cos i haven't had much to post about. J and i had an alcohol-fueled argument (she was drunk, i just had a headache) on Saturday night, and i was going to post about it, but she apologised first thing Sunday morning. It wasn't just alcohol, but anyway, i won't go into it cos luckily it happens very rarely.

Apart from that, everything's been good. We were both at work yesterday, except she finished at 9pm and i was on till close. While she was changing out of her uniform i was clearing a table and i was walking down through the bar a guy stopped me and asked me "are you from Malta?" which really confused me, cos nobody ever recognises my surname cos it's 'foreign' to them. So i said yes, i am, and he said he recognised me because he'd been in the restaurant before. After a couple of minutes i remembered him too, and he had been really flirty with me the first time he came in. Anyway, he started asking me about work and what time i'm on till and then he asked me when i'm not working. I said i don't usually work during the week, just on weekends, to which he replied, can i take for a drink some day? I told him sorry, i have a girlfriend, and the look on his face was priceless! He stared at me for a second then looked away and said "i need to think about that one for a second." Ok.. to steer the conversation away from me i asked them if they wanted anything else and his friend replied "are you on the menu?" and then burst out laughing! I said no, sorry.. Made some more conversation and then walked away and avoided them till they left. The cheek!

J stayed over last night and had to be at work at 9.30am, and when i woke up a couple of hours later and went to check my morning appearance in the mirror, i found this:



She's so cute! She calls me pupface from the word pupa which means 'little doll' in Maltese and Italian. I used to call her pupa at the beginning of our relationship, and now she calls me pupa. :)
I have to admit that after the initial "awww she's so amazing" thoughts, i began to wonder how am i going to get that off my mirror without smudging black everywhere? Lol, i haven't tried to remove it yet though cos i love it :).

Love, life and work

I realise i haven't written any proper updates, i've just been filling in memes. Nothing much has happened really, apart from the doctor thing. I worked most of the weekend, which was crap cos it was a nice weekend weather-wise so noone wanted to go to the cinema, or eat inside a building with no natural light.

I've probably mentioned before that i work in a cinema. It's a fancy thing (at least it's meant to be) and there's a restaurant inside it, which is where J and I work. I'm a waitress. There's also another bar which has it's own screens and its meant to be a bit fancier than the rest of the cinema (it's called the director's lounge). The service should be better, you can take food and alcohol into the film, and the atmosphere is meant to be different. The only problem is tickets cost about £15 so unless there's a really good film on, its not very busy. Now in our restaurant we have a nice big 42" LCD tv, which we can watch when there's noone in (which at the moment is most of the time). In director's however, there is nothing. Just depressing music. It is so boring in there when it's not busy. And on Saturday i had a 10 hour shift in there. OH MY GOD. It was painful. Luckily i was sent home early but for 7 and a half hours i did fuck all. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. I was in again on Sunday, but luckily back in 'our' restaurant. Again, in 5 hours i think i served 6 people.

Things with J and i are still really good. We've been together for 6 months now and this is fast becoming my longest, most serious, and probably best relationship ever. When i think about it, it still seems strange to me that the person i've found is a woman. Not that it matters, but you know, i wasn't expecting to meet a man let alone a woman. I guess it shows that you never know what to expect.

One way that i can tell that she really does love me is football. Yes, football. I mean soccer, not american football. So i'm an obsessive Chelsea fan, and last night there was a match on and J came along with me and she really got into it! Until a couple of months ago, she refused to come with me because she doesn't like football, and now she's willingly coming along with me. And she's also admitting that she's starting to enjoy it too!

We seem to finally be getting used to sleeping in a single bed together too lol. We used to sleep ok, but we'd wake up a lot in the middle of the night and we'd have quilt steling and space stealing problems. I think we're used to it now cos we both have enough space, enough quilt, and we both sleep through the night now. By the time i get back to Derby after the summer she'd have moved in with her best friend, who lives in town, so it means we'll finally have a double bed. We do stay at hers sometimes but not often because she lives in the suburbs not in the town centre, which is where i live. So its easier for the both of us because of work and uni if she stays here.

Anyway, i'm going to make some food and then continue my schizophrenia essay. Ponder this:

To what extent does the use of antipsychotic drugs as treatment for schizophrenia inform us about its underlying cause?

That's the question i have to answer. It's quite straight forward, i just have to get down to it and hopefully i'll have it finished by tonight. Fingers crossed!

Great news on the boobs front!

Anyone who's read my trouble with boobs post would know that i have a slight problem with my boobs.

So, yesterday (Friday technically) i went to the doctor to talk about my boobs and luckily it was a woman this time (i go to the uni practice and i don't really care who i see as long as i get seen asap). So i went in and she asked me about my back and i said to be honest i'm here cos i want a breast reduction. I told her i was referred to a physio last time but on the NHS website it says that you only need a surgeon's referral and psychologist's referral. I also told her that the physios were taking the piss and i stopped going. Fair enough she said and she checked what the criteria were for a breast reduction. She said she wasn't sure so she made a few quick phone calls and said she doesn't see any reason why i should be refused one. The main criteria is that your BMI is lower than 30 and mine is well below that yet my boobs are still mahoosive. She thinks he might have to take some measurements and she'll call me back in if she does, but if not, she's going to start the process :D. I'm so excited! xD I may actually have normal sized boobs and look like a normal 20 year old this time next year! Maybe later cos it's my final year of uni and all next year, but at least it;s actually gonna happen!! :D

In other news, i saw "I Love You, Man" today and i think it is brilliant. Fucking hilarious! Proper laugh out loud funny.

Also, my room smells of cigarette smoke even though i don't smoke and it's a non smoking room. I've only kust got back from work (its 1.30am) and i'd left the window open all day, so i reckon the person next door was sitting smoking on their window sill and blowing their lovely smoke into my room.

Anyways, i'm off to bed. I'm very excited!!!

I'm happy now

J's coming round for the night. I'm so easily pleased :)

And cos i know she's coming over soon, i've done loads more of my essay. That's the kind of motivation i needed lol!