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Wednesday 18 March 2009

Starting again

It happened in October and since then I haven't looked back, I haven't been this happy in ages and it all came so naturally to me that i never thought twice about it.

Everyone here knows, but only a couple of my friends back home now, and my brother. I'm so happy and in love that it kills me not being able to share it, especially with my parents, but i don't think i'm ready for them to know yet. Even saying it out loud is still hard. "My girlfriend".. It holds so much weight and can cause different reactions which i'm not used to, I didn't really care at the beginning, i didn't think it would go anywhere, i thought it was just a little fling, 'friends with benefits' kind of thing. And now it's this and i can't (and don't want to) imagine my life without her, now it's starting to sink in.

It didn't shake me up at first. I don't care whether i'm gay or straight or bi, i'm happy and that's all that counts isn't it? But now that the relationship's getting more serious, i feel slightly pressured, only by myself probably, to label myself. If i say i'm not gay, i worry that i'll offend her. It's obvious that i'm not straight, but am i gay? I don't really fancy girls, or guys, just her, so i can't really compare. Plus i'm in that mushy stage where i can't even do the "what if you broke up, would you go for a guy or another girl?.." I genuinely don't know. So i'll stick with bi, or straight with lesbian tendencies. Or just one tendency that's going to last.

3 comments:

lesbo

are you my long lost twin?
ha.
seriously. this is EXACTLY how i felt when my gf and i got together. to a T.
she's the first girl i've been with. i flaunted around with her and thought 'oh, we're just friends with benefits, this is fun' etc, etc.
and then WHAM! i fell so hard i didn't know what had happened. and it was the greatest fall i've ever taken.
it took me.. brace yourself.. 2.5 years to tell my family. and when i did, they were like 'we already know. we can do the math' lol so that was relieving. just do what your heart feels right. and don't worry about the labels.

thanks for stopping by my blog :)

Newbo

Wow two and a half years! I keep trying to drop hints but i think my mother's just too naive, or doesn't think that of me or something lol cos she doesn't show any signs of guessing for herself anytime soon!

:)

Lauren

"straight with lesbian tendencies."

I like that almost as much as I like "special lady friend."

It's nice to read about people who are in love [mainly because I'm married to my education for now]...forget about sexuality for now and focus on that. You're right, who cares what you are? It's who you love.

Keep writing. It's cathartic.

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