I was talking (on msn) to a guy who i slept with about year ago. Just the normal small talk, how's uni, how's work, what's Malta like bla bla. I told him the weather was nice here, but it got a bit cold today. Then i said well, my girlfriend told me that it was sunny and warm back in england, so he wasn't missing much. He replied that it wasn't that warm in england, and then asked me, "have you turned bi?" Turned bi?? I didn't have time to reply to him because i was using my phone and my battery dies as soon as he said that. I went to get my laptop so i could reply but it has too much shit on it and takes an age to start up nowadays, and by the time i got back on msn he was gone.
Turned bi?? Maybe turned gay but how can you be turned bi? This is really starting to confuse me now. Surely i've always been bi. It can't be that all of sudden, on that specific day when I drunkenly kissed J in the middle of a club, i had just suddenly 'turned bi'. Since we slept together i haven't really liked this guy (R). He was a bit patronising and i was drunk and rebounding, the sex was crap and he was disgustingly skinny and i've always held this against him. He rarely talks to me and only ever does if he wants to meet up with, and me being rather untrusting of men i always assume he wants one thing.
The more i think about it, the more i think i must have always been bi, i just never found a woman who i liked, before J.
Monday, 6 April 2009
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3 comments:
"Turned bi" huh? Hehe.
I will tell you. I figure out I was bi at a young age, before I actually knew what bisexual was actually and it was quite confusing. I went through a lot trying to make myself not feel the ways I did and then feeling ashamed and wrong because I couldn't change the feelings I had.
I honestly noticed an attraction to girls before my attraction to boys kicked in. I was a tomboy so I always figure that might have been why it happened that way. I have no idea.
It's a confusing thing to deal with but you know that so I won't take up more of your comment space with my nonsense. :) If you wanna talk sometime about it or anything feel free to email me. My add is on my profile page.
Thanks :)
The thing that confuses me the most is that i never really had feelings for a woman before. I always appreciated a beautiful woman but never actually, like, desired one lol. I'd snogged girls too and always thought it was just a bit of drunken, straight girl fun. Plus i've always been, and probably always will be, a proper girly girl.
It's all so confusing! It hurts my head when i try to think it through lol.
Don't hurt your head, just be you and try not to worry about the labels cause that's all they....gay, straight, bi, queer...etc. what's important is being able to show your feeling to the person you love.
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